Interesting choice.

[choice]

I haven't been around for a while because I've gotten busy with life but still have such gratitude to this place for being my way out to a sober life. I no longer crave alcohol at all and see it as something as a past life. My life has improved in ways I never knew possible.

I had a Thanksgiving party and one of my guests was a clinical shrink specializing in substance abuse. He is a friend who has drank heavily with me before and who has decided to stop drinking himself. He does not label himself as an alcoholic and when I talked about my journey with him he told me I was a problem drinker who may never have another drink for the rest of my life (and he suggested this) but that I did not have the addiction most alcoholics suffer from.

It was more of a substance abuse issue and personal problems/issues that I suffered from. In a way I was sorta angry. Not because I loved the word alcoholic in association with me but because admitting I was one set me free from drinking. I believe it is important to not worry about this label too much. I think because I had a fairly "easy" time stopping probably means that I am not classified as an alcoholic. I think I probably just had some major personal issues that I abused AL and played with fire enough to get burned. Once I stopped drinking my personal issues spiked because I didn't know what to do without alcohol. I had really developed a mental dependence. Having alcohol in my life spun me right of control. Taking AL out of my life was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made and I felt like I was going crazy. Now that I have been sober for a while my personal problems and issues are still there just much more manageable. I am no longer having major emotional spikes and can cope much better. I do not feel anxiety or depression... I still have ups and downs,,, I wouldn't say I'm happy everyday but I'm better.

I won't play with it now because I think alcohol is dangerous for me. But because of what this doctor said to me this weekend I thought of all of you and the amazing support on not drinking in this forum. It has changed my life for the good. This doctor is either right or wrong about me.... although he does know me quite well and says I am a problem drinker who began to abuse the substance and got caught in a cycle. So in fact my decision to stop drinking and now to stay stopped after 1 year and 3 months is a choice. I don't have to battle everyday. I guess my point in writing this post is... If your wondering if your are or aren't an alcoholic... maybe the choice (if your lucky enough to have one) is that alcohol is dangerous in your life and you want to stop and change your life.

So now my main reason for not drinking is my health. mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. I need to heal from the years of drinking and can't stand the thought of drinking again.

Sorry for the ramble I just felt like I needed to check in. Hearing I wasn't an alcoholic kinda scared me that it was okay for me to drink and it's not okay for me to drink. I hate drinking.--- wow.. I thought I use to love it? I guess I'm on a new stage of my journey. Thanks for listening.

[DriftyAlison0]

Interesting choice.

I myself think that labeling yourself as a problem drinker could lead to trouble if your really an alcoholic. I call myself a beginner Alcoholic who quit while the going was still good but I didn't want to go down that path. Labeling yourself as an alcoholic may be hard, but you could be leaving yourself open by saying that your a problem drinker when your more then that. Some people will try to convince that your a problem drinker and after awhile you can fix your drinking so that your drinking will no longer be a problem. Thing is, an alcoholic has a real hard time and usually can not fix their problem with drinking without quitting drinking or controlling it (with most having to quit drinking all together).

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Interesting choice.

Hi Choice,

Good to see you here! Beautifully written post, thanks for sharing. And you are wise to stick to your sobriety although you might not be classified as an AL...you know that you feel much better sober and that your life is better in general. That is what is important.

Take care and happy holidays to you!

[choice]

Interesting choice.

Well I don't drink now and don't plan on it so that's all that madders really. I just wanted to share what this doctor said. When I said I was an alcoholic it felt very freeing now I feel just good knowing that I choose not to drink and it's the best choice for me. When I started here I felt I had to admit I was an alcoholic in order to "get it" and stop drinking. I guess what ever helps to find a way out is the way to go. I don't think a problem drinker should be drinking either. I don't want the problem and it's easy to solve by not drinking.

[DriftyAlison0]

Interesting choice.

So true Choice. What may work me for me, won't work for someone else. And if the problem drinker is enough of a title to help, so be it.

[choice]

Interesting choice.

Yeah, problem drinker is a label that works enough for me. I totally see what you mean Drifty about the danger in that label though.... and not being completely convinced that I'm not an alcoholic I just don't want to ever crave again..... so I stir clear of the stuff. I think I posted because it is such a journey to stop drinking if it's causing problems. It's like once it causes you a problem you are in trouble and it's a madder of getting your head strait. AL messes with your head so much that it's SO hard to cut the tie.

I do think if I hadn't found this place I'd still be struggling with moderation and feeling alone and scared. That's why I know I can't drink. Moderation was such a painful process for me. I really don't want to flirt with that ever again, I was always disappointed in myself. I hated feeling that way it made me feel so insecure. I'm positive that as I got into my later 30's I was doing a lot of damage to myself with alcohol. It's like I was clueless or something that alcohol was really hurting me. I thought it was part of having fun and being an adult. Just coming here to MWO I saw support in not drinking and I latched on and haven't looked back. I had never thought of not drinking. Now I feel more like myself and I'm not always wondering where I'm at. I love living a sober life. I only wish i did it sooner.

[Supercrew]

Interesting choice.

He is a friend who has drank heavily with me before and who has decided to stop drinking himself. He does not label himself as an alcoholic

I'm glad you made your decision regarding drinking, but I find it almost comical and irresponsible that a "doctor" specializing in substance abuse has abused alcohol with you and has quit drinking himself, yet will tell you that you aren't an alcoholic.

First of all there really isn't a meter to judge what an alcoholic is, and as I have been told plenty of times it is your call. He might not think you are as bad as some of the people he has worked with, but I think he is just trying to make himself feel better because if he has drank heavily with you and no longer drinks at all he obviously has a problem with alcohol also.

No matter what he says you are the only one who knows how alcohol affects you, and you know why you quit...keep it in mind that next time you think, "well Dr. So and So doesn't think I am an alcoholic so a couple of drinks won't hurt". I basically did something similar when some AA members felt the need to tell me that I couldn't be a "real alcoholic" because I quit without doing the steps and the meetings. I proved those SOB's wrong and ended up detoxing in the ER.

[choice]

Interesting choice.

Well Super, I wonder about that too. He only treats people with the stereo typical "rock bottom".... and now that he's stopped drinking himself he might be doing that flip-flop label stuff. Am I? Aren't I? I'm REALLY GLAD I posted and am feeling support by these responses. It IS up for each person to decide for themselves. The more I think about it the more I think he must be an alcoholic or problem drinker himself and possibly didn't think it could happen to him because of his chosen field. What is very confusing is that it's rocking my boat a little. Not to drink.... but I can see what you mean.... about this doctor/friend may have pinched a nerve where I could make a bad decision for myself and have "a couple". I don't want to do that so I'm glad I'm talking about this.

My rock bottom was not down and out and on the streets. I haven't lost a job, don't have a DUI but I know alcohol has held me back in relationships and possibly a better job. I was not the person I wanted to be. I also really believe in a lot of things I've read here and advice given that the situation I was in was only going to get worse... and who knows I could have ended up in his clinic. I don't know. I'm too afraid of alcohol to see. The door is shut.

I would like to see my discussion with him as comical but I don't. Maybe he is being irresponsible... I'm kinda feeling stupid. It's really hard to trust doctors and I've gotten bad advice before regarding my drinking from them. It sounds like you got bad advice at AA and it really is a shame. I honestly can't see myself ever questioning someone if they told me they were an alcoholic. So, I don't know why he'd tell me I wasn't. So...you make a lot of since. He must want to make himself feel better. He's got to feel bad with this being his profession and all... Or, at the end of the day how would he really know anyway? Those other doctors weren't helpful when I opened up so why would I assume he knows what he is talking about. I don't mean to run down doctors here but at the end of the day he's not living my life he couldn't possibly know. hmmmm lots to think about. thank you.

[Supercrew]

Interesting choice.

No worries Choice. You know your truth and that's all that matters. Most people who know me would have never guessed the problems I had with alcohol, and that really kept me second guessing myself for many years. Once I started researching alcoholism and problem drinking about 18 months ago one thing I did notice was one size does not fit all. I wasn't homeless, I was married with children, had a job, did have a DUI but that was 10 years prior, I coach youth sports and am an upstanding memeber of my community. But guess what, I was also a binge drinker for over 22 years, and basically a daily drinker for 5 years. People didn't know I was drunk half the time, and the other half they were drinking with me. I don't like the term alcoholic, so I don't use it. I now call myself sober or a non-drinker when people ask. When they ask why I quit I normally just say that I developed an allergic reaction to it, so it is no longer pleasurable for me. If you are worried about him not considering you as an alcoholic, just agree and tell him you are now a non-drinker, problem solved.

[choice]

Interesting choice.

Yeah, it's the suffering inside that made me quit. What I looked like to the outside world may have been "acceptable" drinking. But when I really started to feel like I was drowning I'm not to sure if anyone was around.... I can't believe how this has really thrown me. I'm not to concerned with what he thinks about my drinking problem/alcoholism. I was more like "wow.. I thought I was an alcoholic...ok... I'm a problem drinker..." I love that living AF life is encouraged here. It makes me feel secure. For some reason because of my sober time... I thought I'd hear.. no choice... we never did think you were an alcoholic...now that is comical.. what a heady trip I've just been on.

We'll see how he does with his goals and what he learns along the way. He is only 6 weeks. Next time I see him is February.... it will be interesting to see where he is at. And I hope the best for him.

I did a lot of second guessing for years too Supercrew and I think that's why I liked the label alcoholic so I could just call it a day and quit. I've only said it in MWO in the real world I just say I don't drink anymore. When people ask why, I say I use to drink too much and got sick of it. I feel a lot healthier sober.

[anon]

Interesting choice.

Brilliant posts they really spoke to me.

I am having problems explaining my non drinking status with Christmas coming and my daughters wedding in December.

Many of my friends are Doctors without drink problems and they do not accept my non drinking.

Thanks Choice for starting this thread.

[anon]

Interesting choice.

Thanks Molly I think maybe I was looking for a excuse just to have a couple of drinks at Christmas or my daughters wedding. My friends here are the only ones who REALLY understand. the lies and deceit of Alcohol.

[Pinecone]

Interesting choice.

Choice, your post hit alot of nerves with me! Thank you for this discussion.

My "rock bottom" is similar to yours. I didn't have an external crisis that made me wake up enough to know I needed to stop. It was like spiritual and emotional wasting away. The knowledge that I wasn't being present for my family and myself was terrible. I felt alone and ashamed of my loss of control. Repeating the same day over and over again, etc. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Maybe you held it together so well that other people couldn't see the suffering?

Your friend may have his own motives for questioning what you have discovered and paid for on your own. Maybe you challenge what he had learned as a doctor? Maybe something about it threatens him in a personal way.

Congratulations on all your AF time! You are an inspiration to us just starting out!

[Struggles 106]

Interesting choice.

Hey to Choice and Anon

Choice-I'm with Supercrew on this one-about the doc labelling you etc. Crew is right-only you know what your life is like, and only you can decide what to do. Labels be damned!
What you are is simply a person who recognizes that alcohol is not good for you, and you want to address that by stopping drinking. Seek support where you can get it and don't let anyone second-guess you.

Anon-I was intrigued by the doctors who "can't accept" your not drinking. WHAT? Seems a bit ludicrous to me. Alcohol affects every cell in your body, and not in a good way.
As with Choice you are the ones calling the shots about your own life-and only you know what's best for you. I've worked in a medical field for years and have seen plenty of drunk/junkie doctors. Just because there's an MD after the name they are not all-knowing.
Do what you have to do to be healthy. The Hippocratic oath-"First do no harm", btu harm can be done by telling people stupid shit

[choice]

Interesting choice.

After I slept on it.

Wow. Was I messed up with the label stuff yesterday I know better but I haven't thought about it for a long time. I just say "I don't drink" and it's usually the end of it. Even the uncomfortable feelings of wondering what others think about it have passed and more then anything I just try and remain neutral when people are drinking around me and not on a "drinking is bad for you" soap box. Now that I've posted and had responses, a night to sleep on it I am feeling pretty glad I did get my butt back for support. It's good to see some old faces :l Molly I'm sorry to hear of some struggles argh! This booze stuff is so dangerous. I am doing really well in New Zealand... and yep, fiance is coming up to his one year AF. Thank god! I talked with him this morning about coming back here and working through what our friend had said and he pretty much thinks that the cases he deals with are so down and out that he has me on some bell curve and doesn't really understand how hard it was for me to get where I am.

In saying that I do agree with pinecone that maybe I hit a personal nerve with him with my sobriety. He kept saying well, it's only been since August... so you really don't know and I kept having to remind him August 2010 not 11. It's like he just couldn't get his head around that... and kept looking at me like I was lying... (I really can't be sure of any responses he had... but that's sorta how it felt.) In the morning after Thanksgiving he admitted to craving when my other guests drank and was really happy that he hadn't... His voice sounded really weak and now that I think about it I think he doesn't have anyone to talk to about his drinking problem and when your in the middle of where he's at... your kinda nutty.... at least I was from what I remember.

Anon! it's good to see you.... yeah, it's funny I'm wondering if by hearing him say I was a problem drinker if there was a twinge in me that did think oh! thanks now I don't need to be as strong for myself... and can have a drink sometime in the future... not sure how far in the future...maybe years from now... but I'm "okay" and not an alcoholic. I think what happened is my resolve became in question. It's interesting you have doctors not accepting your AF status.. Mainly,,,, that profession is where i struggle for acceptance myself... mostly in a push for moderation. I've even been told the all or nothing attitude isn't healthy... Even with trainers at my gym... I believe Ann to be correct alcohol does affect every cell in our bodies in a negative way... and the MD part doesn't = all knowing. I think because this person is my friend I was more open to what he had to say and really needed to come here and talk it through....

Big ramble for me this morning! I'd forgotten to say hello to Blondy and other lovely folks yesterday and shout out hello to people today... I was so in my head and really... It is yet another wake up call for me that this whatever you want to label it or not label it is a mental game (for lack of a better word) with me. My addiction/dependency IS mental. (Even now that I don't drink). It makes since that I'd get tripped up from time to time.. it just has been SO long since I've questioned myself. Actually,, I now feel thankful to my friend for a fairly safe revisit of my resolve. He's just on his own path and trying to understand himself,,, I'm pretty sure he meant me no harm.