Moderation Just Isn't Working!

[Tipplerette]

I am frustrated as when I allow myself to moderate, I just fall back into the nightly drinking pattern within days.

How long does one have to beat oneself over the head before one gets it? (That's one ONE too many LOL).

My plan was to not drink during the week and to only drink on the weekends. The weekends sure expanded fast into four day weekends and with the mid-week trip to the restaurant that only left two or three AF days in the week. Less than before but any idiot would see a pattern forming... same old pattern of nightly drinking.

I have been on here a long time waffling from telling myself that half a bottle of wine a night doesn't constitute a problem to obsessing with my daily drinking pattern.

My evenings consist of watching TV and visiting a few websites. No reading, crafting, exercising, etc. I start to do these things and within a few days I stop.

If I could find a bottle of willpower I would drink it daily. I have to find it within me to curb my habits if only for the reason that they bother the hell out of me. If I can't accept my drinking pattern, I have to change them or learn to accept them. I can't seem to do either.

If this is a turning point, then great; if it's just another soon to be forgotten thread I've started then maybe I have to accept that my life long habit of all talk but no action is part of who I am. But I don't want to be that person. I want to be proud of making a positive change that sticks.

Going around in circles. I know.

[mario]

Moderation Just Isn't Working!

Tipplerette this is a post I have kept in my files,I did not originally write it forget(apologies) who did anyway it might help.


I think that the only way anybody can moderate,is if you haven't already sunk deep into the ''alkie-hole''.

For me when moderating I used to constantly think about alcohol, constantly from the time I got up to the time I went to bed (and it was too late to go and buy some) ....

A constant turmoil of wanting it, hating everyone because that day I was not drinking because I was moderating and today was a no drink day .... outwardly no-one could guess but inwardly alcohol was turning in my heart and mind, while my stomach was begging for it ....

Each and everyone of us knows deep within who and what we ourselves are, if we are able to moderate we know and if we are an alcoholic we DO know .... but for a long time we usually deny this to ourselves first and everyone else thereafter ....

I also have relatives and friends who open wine, beer etc and have one .... they don't finish the bottle and that is an anathema to me ..... what is alcohol for if not to get drunk ....

If you feel this way then it will be hard to moderate ... most of us came here because there was that elusive promise to be able to moderate ..... I thought it was a wonder cure - I would be able to drink and not get drunk - every night .....
for most of us being able to moderate is just a fantasy that we can never do.

[Unwasted]

Moderation Just Isn't Working!

Tipps, I hear you! Why not have an AF December - there's a thread started. Day 17 for me today, and it really is worth it. I know you know the drill but life really is better AF. It's very different and takes a lot of getting used to, but you can do it. Just start building again and finally something will kick in.

I have to accept that my life long habit of all talk but no action is part of who I am. But I don't want to be that person.

If you truly don't want to be that person, then you won't. You just have to keep trying.

Hugs :l:l

[saysomethingnew]

Moderation Just Isn't Working!

Tipplerette

Your post could have been written by me. I though have decided that abstaining is the best course for me- i've tried too many times to moderate and realised that i was going back into unsafe territory.

Abstaining means I won't
moderating means I won't...today

Since i resolved not to drink, i have more resolve, but that is just me and how my mind works

[Nelz]

Moderation Just Isn't Working!

Im still very new to the whole scene, but I think I have figured out one thing. There are some people that CAN mod, and some that CANT. Im very sure I fall into the CANT catagory...its kinda the way I live.....all out take no prisoners, hair on fire.

I use the analogy of leaving Jesse James in charge of the bank when its closed. He might be able to resist for a little while, might even just start "skimming" a little money. But sooner or later a little turns into a lot, and he's right back in jail.

So my theroy is, if we keep Jesse James away from the bank(ourselves away from AL) he wont "drink too much money" :H

Wishing you all the strength/support needed to start anew and join our "fab"ulous crew of fabbers.

[Struggles 106]

Moderation Just Isn't Working!

Hey Tip

Hand in there! I agree with what Mario posted. It took me a LONG time to realize that moderation is not possible (for people like us). BUT moderation is a step forward, since it
indicates a recognition of the problem and some effort to "control" it.
Frankly I think that once a person reaches a point where moderation seems like a good idea
it will become clear that it's not possible.
And I reiterate here- people without alcohol addiction don't spend much time at all thinking about alcohol. These are the people that we don't need to ENVY-the ones who have a beer and continue on with their day. I gave up that envy of "normal" drinkers. It was a waste of time. I can't do that, never will be able to so I just accept it.
The negatives of drinking are so obvious; I marvel at not having to deal with them.
I wish you well in your efforts.

[Tipplerette]

Moderation Just Isn't Working!

Thanks, guys, will post later when I have time. Big weekend with out-of-town company coming. You are all there for me when I need it most. Hugs... will re-read all your posts again. ...slowly... thanks again.

[scottish lass]

Moderation Just Isn't Working!

Oh me too!!
I have taken such a long time to realise this thou, and I know there is still a part of me that holds out the hope that I can make it work. The thought of never drinking again makes me shudder. One glass of wine every so often would be so very pleasant - but I don't know how to do that, because as soon as I have one, I can't stop.
I have managed quite a lot of AF days since staring in February, but this time stopping has been the hardest as I am really coming to terms with the fact that it is for ever. Each day is a struggle, and before I had easily done days in a row - but I alway knew I would drink.
I was so confident that I bought 6 bottles over Thanksgiving and thought I would have some left for Christmas (got the discount!! you know how that goes) - well they didn't last thru the weekend and that is when I decided to come back and try my damndest to get serious!
I have just read a great thread about what we won't miss when not drinking - it is fabulous and explains why moderating is not for me, because some how my wiring doesn't know how to moderate! For me moderating was an excuse to drink, not a way to stop or slow down.....

[sunshine_gg]

Moderation Just Isn't Working!

I hear ya Tippy. Do I ever.

Hugs and strength to ya :l

[mylife]

Moderation Just Isn't Working!

Hello Tipps!

I have been battling with the moderation beast all year. It just ends up the same way for me, a bottle of wine each night and a foggy depressed feeling each day. I don't want to live my life that way! Watching my husband has made me realize I'll never be a "normal" drinker. He forgets to drink for a month at a time and then has half a glass of something and forgets about it half way through. I've rarely seen him drink more than one or two of anything in the 20-years I've known him. I know I'll never be that way, so for me, I'd rather be a non-drinker than a drunk. Pure and simple.

I wish you great strength and peace in your resolve! :h

[Supercrew]

Moderation Just Isn't Working!

I battled the moderation issue for over 10 years until I realized there was no way I could moderate consistantly, even with hypnosis and herbs and supplements and changing drinks and counting drinks and just drinking certain days. I tried everything before I went the other way and said hell if I just stay buzzed all the time the tolerance would build up and I would never have to worry about moderating...awesome alcoholic thinking right there!

Suffice to say once I decided I would never drink again and after I got through the withdrawals and the mental obsession it felt as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I don't feel all the pressure about overdrinking and thinking about drinking brought me for so long. It was like it took that choice away from me. I never thought I could live without that choice, but somehow I found a way to not only live without it but to embrace it.

Once I realized the only reason why I drank was because I learned how to and I believed I enjoyed it more than anything, but I didn't enjoy it anymore. It caused me so much stress and anxiety and then pain the next day or whenever I would sober up, that I realized drinking was alot more painful than not drinking ever again. When that light went on everything changed...and I am thankful it did!

[nancy]

Moderation Just Isn't Working!

nightly drinking

So are you saying that you feel badly about drinking nightly, even though you are only having a half bottle of wine?

So you are not getting drunk, but buzzed and feel like it's excessive?

I wonder if it would help you to talk to a doctor about the potential damage to women of that level of drinking?

Also, I seem to remember you substituting drinking with trampoline jumping. In a way that sounds like fun but in a way it sounds like a punishment that could drive you back to drinking.

I suggest you think about what alcohol represents to you, a way of unwinding? Then find a substitute. It should be something enjoyable, not a chore. You need to try to find a way of avoiding your triggers, which unfortunately seem to be in your own house. Maybe some of the long-time abstainers have some tips on avoiding the home triggers.

I also suggest you try some of the non-alcoholic wines and see if you can fool yourself with it some nights. See if you can find one you like.

Don't beat yourself up too much. It's clearly a problem but it could be a lot worse. Also, maybe you should chart your drinking and see if it's reduced in the last month from the previous month, and then try to improve on that.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Moderation Just Isn't Working!

Tip, I can relate, totally. Even after a 30 day stretch of AF, those thoughts of "gee, maybe I can just make a "schedule" to drink and really STICK to it this time". Nah, ain't gonna work. Tried it before to live my life just like, well...what MY LIFE just said. LOL. A bottle of wine a night and a fuzzy mind the next day. Not the way I want to live. It's a tough lesson to learn over and over but we're closer to our goals with every experience, right? Best of luck to you

[DaisyAngel]

Moderation Just Isn't Working!

Gosh, this all sounds so familiar.

I would love to be able to drink in moderation, but like most of you guys, one drink leads to another until the whole bottle of wine is drunk. Sometimes I start with a vodka tonic and then hit the wine. Rarely is there anything left in the bottle at the end of the night. I can go a few days and think I am winning, but then foolishly I will convince myself I need a reward for a hard days work, etc. I cannot even think about the amount of units I am putting away on a daily / weekly basis but definitely in the region of 10-15 per day.

Over the past three months my drinking has got worse and worse and I put this down to using it as a coping mechanism for a failing relationship. This relationship is now over, I had to walk away, it still hurts like hell, but it had destroyed my self-esteem and I just had to let go of the nothing that it had become. The emotional drain has caused me to reach out for the bottle once again.

I met a guy just yesterday who confessed to me he just celebrated 10 years sober! He has been a true inspiration to me and I have gained strength from his story.

I really want to change my habit and regain my self-esteem that I allowed to be taken from me from months of emotional abuse and emotional drinking. My stomach is really not in a good place as a result of my persistent drinking and I cannot deny this any longer as my health is now beginning to suffer.

I woke up this morning and have made the decision to stop, for how long I don't know, but the decision has been made and I will try my darn hardest to be good to myself, heal my body, my mind and my heart.

I want to thank everyone here for the support and loving kindness that I have experienced here in the past. It has really helped me quit, albeit for a week or a month, it all helps. I am back for more and hopefully this time it will be for good.

xx

[spacebebe01]

Moderation Just Isn't Working!

I am amazed to find myself writing that the thought of one drink right now makes me feel sick! The reason for this amazement is that I have struggled for years with alcohol, stopping, relapsing into horrendous benders,wanting to conrol my drinking, planning how to control it, being green with envy about people who can drink without a problem, and I now know that I dont want to have to deal with all that anymore, I dont drink, thats not to say I dont ever want to drink, I do take meds to help with this and thats my choice but the bottom line is that I dont drink and I dont have to deal with all the head wreck of trying to find a way that I can drink if you know what I mean. A few years ago I was in a hospital alcohol treatment centre for 3 weeks and we came to the group on controlled drinking, I was looking forward to this group as they where going to tell me how I could drink and be ok, I was ok to go along with the 3 months initial abstinace they where recommending, because them I would be able to get my goal. drinking without consequenses or so I thought. My whole body fell as I listened to the recomendations for controlled drinking, 14 units a week (im a woman), dont drink on 2 days on a row, dont have more than 2 or max 3 units in a day, never ever save all 14 units to have at the weekend. alternate al drinks with sort drinks try to have drinks with food and on and on they went. This sounds to me like hell on earth, why would anyone want that!? I want to drink as much as I want and I want to get pissed, otherwise I dont want to think about it, I dont want to want it.