Fourth time back and so sick of myself

[golfdiva]

I've tried to stop drinking and came here initially three times prior to this. And I've failed three times. I manage to stop for 30 - 45 days and then there is a social event and I seem to have to grab that glass of wine. For me, it is easier to socialize with that drink going down. Other than those times I've stopped, I drink about 2/3 - 3/4 bottle of wine a night, up from 1/2 bottle a few years ago. Last night I must have had even more as I have had a hangover all day today which makes me just disgusted with myself as I have so much to do. I have about three bottles of wine left and can't make myself pour them out. But I won't drink tonight and am trying to get up the will power to stop tomorrow night too. For now, I can only take one day at a time. Actually the days are no problem, it's the evenings. For probably the last 15 years or more, I settle down with my wine around 7:30 and go to bed around 10:30, the entire time reading and then watching TV. I am so sick of myself.
I have realized a few things though, I always come here first and it does inspire me to stop drinking. Then after a few days, I feel as if I've licked it and I don't come back here anymore. It just takes one weak moment though and then I'm back to my old habits. I HAVE to come here every single day, even when I KNOW I'm not going to drink that day.
Thanks for reading and being here! Wish me luck. I do need it badly.

[sunshine_gg]

Fourth time back and so sick of myself

I can very much relate, diva :l

As ridiculous as it may sound, I, too, find myself in a much more vulnerable position when I do not check in here. I often wonder if there is an agenda on a subconscious level. Whether we don't come and read/post here because we KNOW that our resolve would be strengthened if we did?

Either way.. do keep reading and posting please! Wishing you much strength and success!

[Unwasted]

Fourth time back and so sick of myself

GD - I drank exactly like you. Most people wouldn't think that was a problem level, but I felt bad every single day. You don't have to look too far to find information on how alcohol sabotages sleep. I've read volumes on it. The social setting was always my downfall too. I'm only on day 20, but am hoping to stick with it for good this time. I think I've had enough hangovers for a lifetime.

I so feel your pain. I don't think I've ever read a post that mirrored my drinking like yours ..........so.....if I can do it, so can you!:l

Sending you peace and strength.

[Tipplerette]

Fourth time back and so sick of myself

You're one of the first people I've met here that drinks the exact amount I do. Hubby and I share a bottle of wine most nights. I manage to get a little more than half. Since coming here I have managed to not increase my drinking and often go through periods where I cut down. I am finding more success lately. I guess it's a process. I come here often but when I am doing well, I tend to think I don't need to come here. Then I fall back into my patterns again. Oh well, I'm sticking around here more often. Wine every day is not good. Glad to have met you. Let's keep coming until we have it licked.

[DriftyAlison0]

Fourth time back and so sick of myself

You need to come here everyday even if you think that you licked it. That is your problem. You let yourself think that you don't need the help anymore and then the AL demon comes in. You need to dump the remaining three bottles or give it to someone. You can do this! Just set up a new plan and STICK to it.

[fluff]

Fourth time back and so sick of myself

How big of a bottle of wine are you talking about? Anyway -keep on coming back and talking,we all share the same habit, some more than others- I think I would be in the same category as you-evening drinker, to settle down from the rush of the day and reward myself.

[DriftyAlison0]

Fourth time back and so sick of myself

Yeah. And one more thing. I know what your going through since the same thing has happened to me in the past. I have learned to visit here daily even if I just lurk.

[merry]

Fourth time back and so sick of myself

I can also relate to you I know I have to be here to succeed you just seem to think you have it beaten and don't log in for some reason and we end up back to old habits

[scottish lass]

Fourth time back and so sick of myself

This is the truth - when I am here daily, I can do it - when I get complacent I can't - as simple as that!!! MWO is my life line, my safety net, my reminder and most of all my support! I can't do this alone, and MWO keeps me from being alone in my fight! I am so thankful I found this sight - thank goodness for google!!

[Nelz]

Fourth time back and so sick of myself

That story is ohhhhhhhhhhhh so familiar.........just change wine for beer and jack daniels.

I think I probably "quit" as much or more as any other person having difficulties with AL. Id have that "one" really bad night, say something stupid, do something stupid, and quit for a few days, only to start right back up.

Most everyone on here has been, in or is in, the same situation you are describing. Many were the days I'd wake up in a hungover fog to swear off AL..........only to stop off at the liquor store to buy another 30 beers.

I suggest come here often, read/participate/learn. Stay VERY hydrated.


I wish you all the strength and support needed to accomplish your goals

[NoraC]

Fourth time back and so sick of myself

sunshine_gg;1220601 wrote: I can very much relate, diva :l

As ridiculous as it may sound, I, too, find myself in a much more vulnerable position when I do not check in here. I often wonder if there is an agenda on a subconscious level. Whether we don't come and read/post here because we KNOW that our resolve would be strengthened if we did?

Either way.. do keep reading and posting please! Wishing you much strength and success!

Wow!!! Good point there!!!

[Supercrew]

Fourth time back and so sick of myself

golfdiva;1220594 wrote: I've tried to stop drinking and came here initially three times prior to this. And I've failed three times. I manage to stop for 30 - 45 days and then there is a social event and I seem to have to grab that glass of wine. For me, it is easier to socialize with that drink going down. Other than those times I've stopped, I drink about 2/3 - 3/4 bottle of wine a night, up from 1/2 bottle a few years ago. Last night I must have had even more as I have had a hangover all day today which makes me just disgusted with myself as I have so much to do. I have about three bottles of wine left and can't make myself pour them out. But I won't drink tonight and am trying to get up the will power to stop tomorrow night too. For now, I can only take one day at a time. Actually the days are no problem, it's the evenings. For probably the last 15 years or more, I settle down with my wine around 7:30 and go to bed around 10:30, the entire time reading and then watching TV. I am so sick of myself.
I have realized a few things though, I always come here first and it does inspire me to stop drinking. Then after a few days, I feel as if I've licked it and I don't come back here anymore. It just takes one weak moment though and then I'm back to my old habits. I HAVE to come here every single day, even when I KNOW I'm not going to drink that day.
Thanks for reading and being here! Wish me luck. I do need it badly.

Good luck GD! Although I have overcome a major drinking problem over the last year and I was a beer and vodka guy your post really strikes a cord with me. Please don't take this the wrong way because I don't know your age or your family situation, but your post reminds me of what I would expect my mother to post if she would admit that she has a drinking problem.

Hopefully you can use this as motivation. My Mom drinks anywhere from a half bottle to 2 bottles of wine everytime me and my family see her. I love my Mom to death as do my wife and kids, but the way she handles her alcohol and the amount she drinks has gotten progressively worse over the last 15 years to the point that she is sort of embarassing to be around, especially in public when she get her drink on. Now I would never mention anything to her about her drinking. She raised her kids and now seems to be enjoying her empty nest years, with my Dad, (who also has a couple drinks a night), but I don't think she even notices how much she slurs and the ditzy things she does after she has been drinking. Obviously it's her decision whether she wants to drink, and she really isn't doing any harm except to herself, but I just wish I could tell her that we want her to be around for a much longer time, and we love her sober, and she could enjoy life just as much without drinking a bottle of wine everytime we see her. I don't think she recognises that everyone in our family and her friends can all plainly see that she overdrinks regularly, and we all love her to death but we all hate it when she gets drunk...which seems to be happening more often the older she gets.

I don't know if you have any close family or friends that you see often and you think they don't notice or don't care, but if you do, I bet they are wishing like me and my family that you get sober because they love you and they really care about what you are doing to yourself. Good luck again!

[Panno]

Fourth time back and so sick of myself

Supercrew;1220693 wrote: Good luck GD! Although I have overcome a major drinking problem over the last year and I was a beer and vodka guy your post really strikes a cord with me. Please don't take this the wrong way because I don't know your age or your family situation, but your post reminds me of what I would expect my mother to post if she would admit that she has a drinking problem.

Hopefully you can use this as motivation. My Mom drinks anywhere from a half bottle to 2 bottles of wine everytime me and my family see her. I love my Mom to death as do my wife and kids, but the way she handles her alcohol and the amount she drinks has gotten progressively worse over the last 15 years to the point that she is sort of embarassing to be around, especially in public when she get her drink on. Now I would never mention anything to her about her drinking. She raised her kids and now seems to be enjoying her empty nest years, with my Dad, (who also has a couple drinks a night), but I don't think she even notices how much she slurs and the ditzy things she does after she has been drinking. Obviously it's her decision whether she wants to drink, and she really isn't doing any harm except to herself, but I just wish I could tell her that we want her to be around for a much longer time, and we love her sober, and she could enjoy life just as much without drinking a bottle of wine everytime we see her. I don't think she recognises that everyone in our family and her friends can all plainly see that she overdrinks regularly, and we all love her to death but we all hate it when she gets drunk...which seems to be happening more often the older she gets.

I don't know if you have any close family or friends that you see often and you think they don't notice or don't care, but if you do, I bet they are wishing like me and my family that you get sober because they love you and they really care about what you are doing to yourself. Good luck again!

Superscrew I could be your mum!! Thanks for posting this you have hit a cord with me

[Struggles 106]

Fourth time back and so sick of myself

Drinking at home

AH yes the "pleasure " of drinking at home alone...
We've probably all done that a lot, and Supercrew your post was relevant to me as well. I mean in the sense that my sister is 70 now and drinks more and more like your mom, and
it is noticed. She recently said she is content to be home at night with her cats and wine.

I notice in some posts the expression of the idea of drinking in the evening being a "reward". Of course in reality it's far from it. Really more like punishment isn't it?
In my case for not being the person I wanted to be, and for being a person that I hated.

Looking back now I recall things that were said that did not register with me at the time-indicating that I was known as a drunk. For example, in a coffeehouse a trio was playing and asked me to come up and sing. My friend's wife said-"Oh no she's not drunk enough yet". At a big company shindig in San Diego coming back to the hotel after corporate dinner out I wanted of course to stop at the lobby bar for "one more" and someone said "no we're not because you don't know when to quit." So I think that there is a tendency to be compassionate and forgiving about people with alcohol addiction-but I also think that there's an expectation to get help, take some personal responsibility.
Of course the people with these expectations are not addicts so they really don't know the
situation like we do.

All we can do is try and try some more. I know it gets SO tiresome with the thinking GOD I have to stop then finding yourself at the beer/wine place or whatever. It's like an argument goes on in your head but the sane voice is usually drowned out.

I hope everyone has a good week; thank you all for being here and allowing me to share.
This place has played a big part in my perseverance.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Fourth time back and so sick of myself

I agree with the other posters...if I don't come on MWO daily, I have stronger urges to drink and think about it more than if I do come on here daily. And Tipp, it is a process...the less we drink the better and if coming here means drinking less, than you are being successful!