A few years ago, my son asked Santa for a garage for Christmas. You know the ones, heavy plastic that you slot together to make a multi story building complete with ramps? He had been talking about it for months and I was delighted to have it nestled safely under my bed upstairs with his other bits and pieces.
Christmas Eve came at last and the kids were washed and scrubbed, new pajamas and off to bed they went, full of hope for Christmas morning.
As it is tradition in a lot of Irish homes, the turkey is cooked the night before, so I poured myself a stiff vodka and my hubby poured a beer, the fire was blazing and I remember feeling so content as I rammed stuffing into the turkey's arse and smeared it with butter, popped it into the oven and went to sit down and put my feet up till the kids went to sleep and I could set up the toys.
Telly was good that night and I was in a happy mood, “pour me another when you are at it” I called to my other half who was cracking open another can....”a strong one” I added. It was Christmas Eve after all.
The smell of the turkey was wafting out, Christmas songs on the tv and I was getting slowly toasted and mellow.....wonderful feeling. Went to check the turkey, was browning nicely, splashed my hand with hot juices while basting but not too bad, now another 30 mins and it would be done!
Time to get the pressies down and set them up.
Now when we opened the box, there were MILLIONS of bits, “hang on till I get another drink, we are gonna need one to set this shit up” I said, so went into the kitchen and poured 2 stiff ones and came back to help out. It is SO complicated, piece B fits into piece D and piece R goes parallel to piece L, I soon lost interest and gave up and left hubby to do it while I went in to pour a drink and take the turkey out. WOW, it looked lovely but JAYSUS it was heavy, some juices slopped over the side and onto the floor, will mop that up in a min, just finish this drink first.
Went in to see how hubby was getting on with the garage, COOL! He had it done. I touched it....”Is it meant to be so wobbly?” I asked. “DON'T touch it you GOBSHITE” he says, if you touch it it will fall. We gently put the stickers on and the road markings and stood back to admire our handiwork. “He is gonna LOVE it” I said....WHOOOHOOO!
A couple of drinks later and the munchies came to visit, I had a great idea of turkey sandwiches! Half a sliced pan later, I came back in with a pile of sambo's and 2 more stiff ones. Don't remember what I watched on the telly but I do remember stumbling up to bed and falling asleep VERY quicly (passing out) Hubby had to run back down to drink the beer we left for Santa and eat half a carrot that the kids left for Rudolph.
“MAMMY !” “MAMMY”! Oh God NO!, it could NOT be morning?? I have only just gone to bed. My head is pounding, my mouth feels like Bob Geldof slept in it and I slept funny on my neck and cannot move it. With every ounce of energy I could muster and crawl out of bed, put a smile on my face and try to look excited. Kids are bobbing up and down like lunatics waiting to go downstairs, they jump on hubby who makes noises like a run over hedgehog and he too, drags himself from the pit looking like Beatlejuice. I had a throbbing in my hand and looked down to see a huge burn from the spillage last night, how come it did not hurt then???
Downstairs we go, kids going 2 steps at a time and me holding on the the handrail for dear life and wondering how the F*** I am going to get thru the day. First thing that greets me is a pool of congealed grease on the floor that I spilled from the turkey the night before and there on the counter, in all it's glory is a hacked, massacred turkey that looks SO violated that even the eldest asked......”OMG, what happened to the turkey? Did Santa do that?”
The kids run in and see their toys! Whoops of delight and excited gasps....then the eldest said “DO NOT leave beer for Santa next year” “ My garage is all wobbly and the stickers are all going the wrong way!” I looked and the sticker were really fecked, arseways they were, luckily they were reusable and hubby could fix them there and then and slot the pieces in properly. But for me the damage was done
I don't really know how I got through that day but I do know I poured a drink about 5pm so I would feel human again and I remember the feeling of unease I felt about the whole thing.I put it to the back of my mind and let myself believe that every household was the same, it was Christmas and that's part and parcel of it.
When I look back now I cringe, when I see my pained pale face on the Camcorder that morning I feel a little bit sick. When I think of the Christmases I just pulled through instead of enjoying, I feel sad.
I know so many of you are DREADING a sober Christmas, I know those Budweiser horses are running merrily on their way on the TV, I know that others will be drinking around you, I know it seems like such a HUGE feat. I felt exactly the same. When I stopped drinking and Christmas approached, I felt no joy at it, no looking forward to it, because I was going to be sober, I felt like there was something missing and every time I felt myself thinking of a nice Christmas, I got a pang of regret because I would not be partaking in the festivities.
Except it did....I laughed and joked, I celebrated, I cooked and ate, I enjoyed my children's excitement with delight instead of endurance, I woke each morning over the season, sober, triumphant and clear headed. I realised how STRONG I was, I commended myself on getting through such a festive time without my crutch. I reveled in what I remembered and how much more I took notice of, I shuddered when I saw myself in the drunkenness of others and most of all I felt SO grateful that the spell had been broken for me...the magic of booze was gone and the realisation that drink DOES NOT make everything bigger and better and louder and more wonderful, it only seems that way especially when you have a glass in your hand.
A sober Christmas IS doable and it IS worth it. You WILL get through it and altho it will seem strange at first, it will just be a “different” kind of Christmas and not a CRAP one....
Let this Christmas be the best Christmas ever and one you remember forever.
Merry Christmas Everyone xxx
Christmas Eve came at last and the kids were washed and scrubbed, new pajamas and off to bed they went, full of hope for Christmas morning.
As it is tradition in a lot of Irish homes, the turkey is cooked the night before, so I poured myself a stiff vodka and my hubby poured a beer, the fire was blazing and I remember feeling so content as I rammed stuffing into the turkey's arse and smeared it with butter, popped it into the oven and went to sit down and put my feet up till the kids went to sleep and I could set up the toys.
Telly was good that night and I was in a happy mood, “pour me another when you are at it” I called to my other half who was cracking open another can....”a strong one” I added. It was Christmas Eve after all.
The smell of the turkey was wafting out, Christmas songs on the tv and I was getting slowly toasted and mellow.....wonderful feeling. Went to check the turkey, was browning nicely, splashed my hand with hot juices while basting but not too bad, now another 30 mins and it would be done!
Time to get the pressies down and set them up.
Now when we opened the box, there were MILLIONS of bits, “hang on till I get another drink, we are gonna need one to set this shit up” I said, so went into the kitchen and poured 2 stiff ones and came back to help out. It is SO complicated, piece B fits into piece D and piece R goes parallel to piece L, I soon lost interest and gave up and left hubby to do it while I went in to pour a drink and take the turkey out. WOW, it looked lovely but JAYSUS it was heavy, some juices slopped over the side and onto the floor, will mop that up in a min, just finish this drink first.
Went in to see how hubby was getting on with the garage, COOL! He had it done. I touched it....”Is it meant to be so wobbly?” I asked. “DON'T touch it you GOBSHITE” he says, if you touch it it will fall. We gently put the stickers on and the road markings and stood back to admire our handiwork. “He is gonna LOVE it” I said....WHOOOHOOO!
A couple of drinks later and the munchies came to visit, I had a great idea of turkey sandwiches! Half a sliced pan later, I came back in with a pile of sambo's and 2 more stiff ones. Don't remember what I watched on the telly but I do remember stumbling up to bed and falling asleep VERY quicly (passing out) Hubby had to run back down to drink the beer we left for Santa and eat half a carrot that the kids left for Rudolph.
“MAMMY !” “MAMMY”! Oh God NO!, it could NOT be morning?? I have only just gone to bed. My head is pounding, my mouth feels like Bob Geldof slept in it and I slept funny on my neck and cannot move it. With every ounce of energy I could muster and crawl out of bed, put a smile on my face and try to look excited. Kids are bobbing up and down like lunatics waiting to go downstairs, they jump on hubby who makes noises like a run over hedgehog and he too, drags himself from the pit looking like Beatlejuice. I had a throbbing in my hand and looked down to see a huge burn from the spillage last night, how come it did not hurt then???
Downstairs we go, kids going 2 steps at a time and me holding on the the handrail for dear life and wondering how the F*** I am going to get thru the day. First thing that greets me is a pool of congealed grease on the floor that I spilled from the turkey the night before and there on the counter, in all it's glory is a hacked, massacred turkey that looks SO violated that even the eldest asked......”OMG, what happened to the turkey? Did Santa do that?”
The kids run in and see their toys! Whoops of delight and excited gasps....then the eldest said “DO NOT leave beer for Santa next year” “ My garage is all wobbly and the stickers are all going the wrong way!” I looked and the sticker were really fecked, arseways they were, luckily they were reusable and hubby could fix them there and then and slot the pieces in properly. But for me the damage was done
I don't really know how I got through that day but I do know I poured a drink about 5pm so I would feel human again and I remember the feeling of unease I felt about the whole thing.I put it to the back of my mind and let myself believe that every household was the same, it was Christmas and that's part and parcel of it.
When I look back now I cringe, when I see my pained pale face on the Camcorder that morning I feel a little bit sick. When I think of the Christmases I just pulled through instead of enjoying, I feel sad.
I know so many of you are DREADING a sober Christmas, I know those Budweiser horses are running merrily on their way on the TV, I know that others will be drinking around you, I know it seems like such a HUGE feat. I felt exactly the same. When I stopped drinking and Christmas approached, I felt no joy at it, no looking forward to it, because I was going to be sober, I felt like there was something missing and every time I felt myself thinking of a nice Christmas, I got a pang of regret because I would not be partaking in the festivities.
Except it did....I laughed and joked, I celebrated, I cooked and ate, I enjoyed my children's excitement with delight instead of endurance, I woke each morning over the season, sober, triumphant and clear headed. I realised how STRONG I was, I commended myself on getting through such a festive time without my crutch. I reveled in what I remembered and how much more I took notice of, I shuddered when I saw myself in the drunkenness of others and most of all I felt SO grateful that the spell had been broken for me...the magic of booze was gone and the realisation that drink DOES NOT make everything bigger and better and louder and more wonderful, it only seems that way especially when you have a glass in your hand.
A sober Christmas IS doable and it IS worth it. You WILL get through it and altho it will seem strange at first, it will just be a “different” kind of Christmas and not a CRAP one....
Let this Christmas be the best Christmas ever and one you remember forever.
Merry Christmas Everyone xxx
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