The Key to Happiness without Alcohol

[Supercrew]

As I was posting frantically last night to try and help a member of this forum I had to do some serious introspection.

Why am I happy without alcohol now where I wasn't a year or so ago? Sure quitting drinking was great for my health and my relationships, but would I have been content and found happiness if I just quit drinking and left it at that? Why did I feel like I needed alcohol in my life for so long, and now I don't?

I think the answer that I found was I needed progress in my life to be happy. I always hear the old adage if you aren't getting better, then you are getting worse...meaning that there is no such thing as staying the same or staying even. Alcohol allowed me to think I was staying even in life. I used alcohol to excuse the fact that I was not progressing in life on a daily basis. True happiness in life comes with daily progress, whether that be mentally, physically, or emotionally. I am not specifically talking about making yourself better off financially, even though that could happen as well.

So for me, setting goals aside from just sobriety, and following through on a daily basis so I could see positive changes in my life that made me feel like I was moving forward daily have helped me lose the obsession to drink and created happiness and contentment that I never really had before. Sitting idle and just not drinking was not a solution for me. But staying sober and making daily progress towards self improvement has been the answer for me. I'm not sure if this will make sense to anyone else, but I wanted to write it out and hear your thoughts.

[Cinders]

The Key to Happiness without Alcohol

Supercrew,

I spoke about the same concept on Hazel's thread.

While I am not "there" yet, I am making positive changes in my life to allow me to figure out what I want my goals to be. Something(s) I love more than drinking.

I need to find a passion in my life and I am putting myself into the position where I can actually figure out what it is and pursue it. (or they are..)

Great post.

Cindi

[windy]

The Key to Happiness without Alcohol

Funny that you mentioned this and I can relate and do understand where you are coming from. When I decided I wanted to quit drinking, I felt I had to work on just that and that alone. My goal was to abstain for 100 days. Now that the 100 days is almost here, I can't wait to get on with the rest of my life and set new goals. I am really excited about it because I have not focused yet on personal growth, as I put it off in order to accomplish the most important thing first. I haven't been sitting idle and have amped up the exercise as that is a key element, but it has not been my focus. Now that "not drinking" is not in the forefront, I can move forward with renewed vigor, since my mind is not fogged over with booze and the hard work of getting the monkey off my back.

Wonderful post Super...(again).

[nancy]

The Key to Happiness without Alcohol

very wise

That's a great post Supercrew. The same advice could go for depression. You make progress in your life, find fulfilling things, and you start to feel happier without pills. But it's hard to make progress and put yourself out there if you feel negative.

And drinking feels good in the short term but is a total time-waster, interfering with things that take some work but which bring pride and happiness. There are different ways of focusing on getting away from it. One is to focus on shame and bad consquences, but a much better way to do it is to look at the positive effects of moving on from a weak old crutch.

[Supercrew]

The Key to Happiness without Alcohol

Thank you all! And yes Nancy, I too feel it will help with depression, but I don't like to comment on that subject because many people feel very strongly regarding taking meds. I am not for medicating because I don't feel that you are really treating the underlying problem....but I will leave it at that.

This isn't just a recipe for happiness without alcohol, it is a recipe for happiness in life period. Set goals and work daily to improve yourself mentally and physically and work to improve your relationships. Daily steps towards self motivating accomplishments is a key to contentment. I think one other thing should be remembered as well. Enjoy the journey, because it will make reaching the goal more rewarding.

[nancy]

The Key to Happiness without Alcohol

happiness

I think meds are good for desperate situations when you are really on the edge. I think though that we got oversold on antidepressants and that now there's this lack of clarity about how they work and how effective they are. I remember at the time they came out that there was this view that you had a definite imbalance in brain chemicals, serotonin, and the drugs would fix that. Well we know how that story turned out. So much is not known about all of these conditions and behavior also changes brain chemistry.

But yes, I think a lot of people are helped by them but we don't all need them. And this placebo response is strong which shows how much belief in yourself plays a role in getting better. I hope Greg weighs in on some of these issues.

But back to your point, progress really does feel good. Months of talk therapy even can't give you what progress gives you though hopefully it enables you to move on with your life in positive ways. But progress takes work and if you are depressed you might lack confidence or have an overly negative view.

[damo180]

The Key to Happiness without Alcohol

Great post Supercrew,

For someone who is only back sober a few weeks after a slip, this is an important message for everyone.

I know I need to work on myself to start taking advantage of being sober.

Thanks for this
Damo in Dublin

[Pinecone]

The Key to Happiness without Alcohol

I agree 110% with this. Great post!

Simply quitting drinking is not enough for me. I know I need to work on applying myself to my relationships to others. I have to truly apply myself to my career which I am lucky to have instead of finding the negative aspects of everything. I have obligations which I need to pay more attention to. I have many varying interests and hobbies that I can enjoy. Drinking pulled all that stuff out of focus and I am starting to get myself back on track. I agree completely that almost nothing is more powerful than daily progress. They don't have to be huge steps, because if they are taken daily, they really add up.

I would have had trouble answering the poster in the thread you mentioned. It is not an easy answer that you can just give to someone else. It is alot of daily, personal work on yourself to make improvements to your life.

[K9Lover]

The Key to Happiness without Alcohol

I completely agree with this post. I can't just "not drink". I've been there and done that and always ended up slipping. I used to be very social and had lots of friends, but drinking did away with all of that, so now I find myself alone a lot. Years of withdrawing into my own shell has left me with very little interaction with other people. This is what I am going to start working on...opening up and getting involved in things and coming out of my comfort zone.

[Unwasted]

The Key to Happiness without Alcohol

One important point I'd like to make is this: I don't think achieving goals as in doing "outward" things is the end all. And, as SC mentioned, the "progress" can be internal changes. Sometimes people drive themselves crazy thinking they have to be doing something all the time. I think it's equally important to learn how to be quiet and go inward. I'm doing this through meditation - not that it's the answer for everyone, but I do sense that many people who struggle here don't know how to enjoy the little things in life -- practice mindfulness -- enjoy hearing a bird, watching a sunset. It's not easy when you're used to lots of action but it's an inevitible stage in life and we are lucky if we can accept it and learn to be peaceful -- to just "be."

[Supercrew]

The Key to Happiness without Alcohol

Great point Unwasted. Being able to see emotional growth, patience, and just being able to enjoy being in the moment is something I never knew before. Other people won't necessarily notice these changes in me, but they are part of the progress I get to see daily now.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

The Key to Happiness without Alcohol

Totally agree, just stopping is never ever going to be enough. Some excellent posts here, well done.

[Unwasted]

The Key to Happiness without Alcohol

Being able to see emotional growth, patience, and just being able to enjoy being in the moment is something I never knew before

This is new for me also, SC. Learning to enjoy the moment and not thinking I have to be having "fun" is paramount. I posted a good article on Boredom in the Toolbox.

I really think we have to redefine what gives meaning to our lives and realize the miracle of just being alive. Most of us have to much to be thankful for, but we seem to want what we don't have. We're always looking for something rather than appreicating the abundance in our lives.

[Sunbeam]

The Key to Happiness without Alcohol

Thanks for some wonderful food for thought. I'll be checking out that boredom article.

[Anjicia]

The Key to Happiness without Alcohol

Great post sc and everyone i also had a slip so back to working on myself inner and outer. I spend too much time alone most days and evenings so changes specially coming in to new year are crucial for me.