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[broken halo]

After yesterday, being completely unable to function and having the worse day ever, It got me wondering. All day I had uncontrollabe shakes a I slept really fitfully, sweated all night yet I managed to get up this morning, have a shower, dress very smartly, clean up and go and do a full day's work. And as usual, fooled everyone.

I have always had a high tolerance for alcohol and didn't suffer too much in the way of hangovers, I wonder if that's a factor? Telling yourself 'I can get away with it'? After yesterday's nightmare, I know this isn't the case any more and that alcohol is destructive and degenerative, but really, I did feel so much better than I expected to. Does that mean my alkie brain will fool me into thinking I can do it again?

I sure hope not, I never want to suffer that again. Day 2 is drawing to a close, still afraid of the sleep issues but I feel calmer after today. Have a lot on my mind though, a lot of thinking and sorting out to do. Sorry for rambling, goodnight everyone

[LadyLush]

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Hi Broke,
Love that name by the way!
I was a functioning alcoholic for years. We think we are clever but we're not. And yes the "alkie brain" will fool you. I still want to defend the fact I am not an alcoholic but when I look at my track record...who is fooling who?
I could not stop on my own. I am on Baclofen. I tried it before and went eventually back to my old self because I didn't LISTEN! I also use Antabuse which I am weaning off of going up on Bac. Please read the meds section for more information on both these medications.
I'm not a doctor; just an alcoholic trying to find my way out. :-)

You can make it sweetie,


LL:l

[Bean]

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Hi BH

It's totally a factor and keeps people trapped in their addiction for years. Another one I used was..."i felt dreadful after drinking wine but kind of ok after drinking vodka. I think I'm allergic to wine' INSANE!!!

Someone I was in rehab with had a compulsive gambling problem. He firmly believed he was going to give up had he won his final bet of ?100,000. Do you think he would have quit if he'd actually won that much?

Denial is a terrible thing. Wishing you a sober and happy 2012.
Bean

PS don't be afraid of the sleep issue. No-one ever died from lack of sleep and they tend to iron themselves out after a little while as your body readjusts. Some temporary tiredness and discomfort is worth it if you get sober and get your life back on the other side of it (IMO).

[misskris76]

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My experience

Well, in my experience, um, yes...I have detoxed from AL many times and as soon as I feel better, BAM! And I usually get away with it! Until, if and when, the 'binge' becomes so debilitating it requires me to seek medical attention, cold turkey quit, do the 'wean', go to rehab, get a script for a benzo, go to a loony bin, call an ambulance, contemplate offing myself, or keep drinking...hey, which is what I am doing now, and I have done em all, yet, I drink, yet, on Campral! But I can letcha know how each one of those experiences were

[misskris76]

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All the good doctors and all the good men, can't seem to keep Krissy from drinking again!

[misskris76]

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There is a saying around AA death, jail, institutions...cuz it's true! And all I want is a little wine, or a box

[ThreeDogNight]

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Hi, Halo.

Yes, this is your disease talking to you. Mine did for a very long time, and I listened and did what I would never do if sober and sane. The high tolerance thing is a big indicator of a problem--I am 5 feet tall and 110 lbs., but could drink myself to two times the legal limit or more, and never get sick or anything. And I thought it was okay to drink and drive--worse, drink while driving! I also had to drink in the a.m. to stop the shaking, and that started the pattern for the day. Insane, yes. And a year ago, I'd never have done anything like that! This is a progressive and fatal disease if it isn't treated. I am so grateful that I got my chance at a new life in rehab and AA. I now have 42 days, and take it one day at a time.
Get some help, whether rehab, AA or medication.
Good luck to you, and Happy new Year!

TDN

[Struggles 106]

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Krissy

All the good doctors , all the good men, and the entire military of the world can't keep Krissy from drinking again-if Krissy doesn't WANT to.
I hate to say this but it's on you my friend. You know it's a pathway to destruction, yet you seem to have a glib attitude about it. That's fine if that's how you choose to see it.
But the bottom is there; perhaps you just haven't reached it yet. Should it be frightening to consider what that might be? I think so.
But that's only what I tell myself to keep from drinking. I don't think about drinking much, but I know the bottom I reached was damn well far enough down for me.
Addiction of course is what it is, and so is self-loathing. If Krissy doesn't care about Krissy maybe that's a starting point.
You deserve so much more. Everyone does. I wish you well and hope you get off that terrible
path and learn to treat yourself well.

Good luck and Happy New Year

[Wally22]

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What Ann said, please listen, she's right

[Doggygirl]

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broken halo;1235647 wrote: After yesterday, being completely unable to function and having the worse day ever, It got me wondering. All day I had uncontrollabe shakes a I slept really fitfully, sweated all night yet I managed to get up this morning, have a shower, dress very smartly, clean up and go and do a full day's work. And as usual, fooled everyone.

I have always had a high tolerance for alcohol and didn't suffer too much in the way of hangovers, I wonder if that's a factor? Telling yourself 'I can get away with it'? After yesterday's nightmare, I know this isn't the case any more and that alcohol is destructive and degenerative, but really, I did feel so much better than I expected to. Does that mean my alkie brain will fool me into thinking I can do it again?

I sure hope not, I never want to suffer that again. Day 2 is drawing to a close, still afraid of the sleep issues but I feel calmer after today. Have a lot on my mind though, a lot of thinking and sorting out to do. Sorry for rambling, goodnight everyone

I could have written that! I somehow functioned through alcohol consumption that would put most people in a coma. I used to think that my level of tolerance was a POSITIVE thing - that me being able to "handle it" was a sign that I was "not that bad."

I am in school to become an addiction counselor. Imagine my shock when we learned last semester that quick, early development of tolerance to alcohol is actually a BAD sign. The level of tolerance I developed quickly at a young age was a sign of the dependence to come. (and come it did)

Time to stop the madness.

Good luck to you.

DG

[misskris76]

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Glib

Flippant, arrogant...no one would use these adjectives to describe me...but my addiction n I, let's just say we got a whole 'nother relationship. On board, the post? U can recover if n when YOU, YOU want to

[misskris76]

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Drink fluids!!!

[misskris76]

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But duh, not alcohol!!!

[misskris76]

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Ann or Wally, u gonna come tuck me in tonight? A bottle (or three) of Cabernet will, but dang, is it a dirty scoundrel! And the interest, forget it! You think u r being made love to, but really, you r getting, well... But it is such a good and CONNIVING bed fellow...isn't it?

[Guitarista]

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I'll tuck you in Krissy.

Try and get an early night friend. Get some sleep, and tomorrow is a new day for you. A new day, a new opportunity, and the chance of a new beginning. Drink some water and take care of yourself.

G-bloke. :h