Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

[Wally22]

Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

byebyebridgetjones;1238251 wrote: Jeez it's hot out there.....
Smoko methinks.

:moon: :gramps: :lalala:

[beagle]

Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

wally, you are funny!!!! :H your cow story made me giggle.

No storm here last night Ellaq, but brewing over today.
I am NOT offended if you don't like horses, darl, it's roolly fine!

I think it's because of my nature, as an animal lover & carer, always have been, hence my profession, that creatures just bring out a soft side. Generally speaking.

Y'know, going back & re-typing capitals is quite time consuming Tawns. But I am committed ( yeah right, in THAT you're committed you dick...try giving up the grog....commit to THAT as something worthwhile you freaking idiot)....sorry sorry just inner voice talking which goes to fingers which goes to keyboard.

I am having a tough time here guys. One minute I am positively radiating optimism, then it just gets slashed down to ground level by the husband. So then I feel GUILTY ffs for feeling POSITIVE.
What sort of training does THAT give the brain?
I try, I try, I try some more, but hells bloody bells I just cannot continue to give support & get nothing back.
CBT has nothing on living with & being married to a farmer!
Then to have the AUDACITY to have depression.....well, pffft, try doing what I do then ( that's my husband's line of talk, btw).
What to do what to do.
I am soooooo torn between loyalty & support for this man who is working hard & having his guts torn out by the stuff that happens on this farm, but at the end of the day , he chooses to stay here & keep going, so why should I continue to wreck what small improvements I eek out of daily life.

I feel quite strongly at this moment that I need to put me first, & seek a way out of this madness, before I can start to heal my problem.
It is madness guys, true, complete & utter madness.

Why is there no emoticon for this?

[beagle]

Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

& just for good measure : I try to be supportive on the 2-way, & get clipped words in response.

However he has no trouble talking the bloody cricket with his Dad....obviously a conversation he can have, but I am just not doing well here.
Talk about savage pruning the roses but they keep coming back.
Why? resilience.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

Wally22;1238259 wrote: :moon: :gramps: :lalala:

:H:H Ner ner nee ner ner :H

[Wally22]

Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

I left my husband after 25 years of marriage and I don't regret it, but when I look back now, I can see there were so many things I could have done better.

One of them was not to expect validation from him. I find my female friends are so much better at it. I don't know about this whole Mars/Venus thing, but I do know I used to stress out over his kvetching, when really that was all it was, was kvetching. I should have taken a page from his book, and just nodded and said hm hm while reading the paper.

I also used to expect him to "understand" how I felt. Never did, never could. And again I think that's what girlfriends are for. Of course this is all in hindsight.

I don't know if this remarkable insight is helpful, but I think sometimes we expect too much from our spouses. And as they are flawed humans as well, they cannot meet our high expectations.

Okay, off my soapbox...that is all.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

beagle;1238274 wrote: & just for good measure : I try to be supportive on the 2-way, & get clipped words in response.

However he has no trouble talking the bloody cricket with his Dad....obviously a conversation he can have, but I am just not doing well here.
Talk about savage pruning the roses but they keep coming back.
Why? resilience.

I suppose you've already had the good, hard, honest face off about this?

All I can offer is a little tidbit that I gleaned from a Tough Love manual whilst trying to raise a ROOLLY difficult child some years ago.......don't engage with other people's misery. I just brings you down and gives their misery additional energy, perpetuating it. Leave them with it. In a sense you are tuning out to it, and not allowing them to alter your own mood.
Self preservation is essential.

[Wally22]

Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

Hm read my last post, thought about deleting it, still undecided.
Probably didn't put it well.
I think you should reach out to your female friends and you are right, put yourself first.

[beagle]

Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

Wally, don't delete it, it makes a heap of sense.

The issue I struggle with, is that you people on here ARE my friends, that's it.
My best female friend blamks out a bit when I chat to her, & now she has taken to going to their other farm , about 330 kms away, so I cannot just pop over for a cry.
Also, she's a tough nut, left her husband for his best friend, after an affair over a few years, so she just doesn't seem to get real supportive...more realistic. At least my frickin counsellor hears me.

This wild swing of emotions & moods is near on killing me. Been there, nearly done that.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

Wally22;1238292 wrote: Hm read my last post, thought about deleting it, still undecided.
Probably didn't put it well.
I think you should reach out to your female friends and you are right, put yourself first.

I agree. You can't get everything you need from one person, and neither can they.

[beagle]

Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

byebyebridgetjones;1238289 wrote: .. just brings you down and gives their misery additional energy, perpetuating it. Leave them with it. In a sense you are tuning out to it, and not allowing them to alter your own mood.
Self preservation is essential.

You're dead right there bridgee dead right.
Just very very very difficult.

[Wally22]

Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

One of the things I really like about this site is that you can become so close to people you may never meet.
I consider many people on this site to be my friends, and the neat part is even if I drop out and walk away for a month or so, they are still there when I come back. Just like really good friends do.
Even better I can talk about the really deep down fears and embarassments with the sure and certain knowledge that nobody at church is going to hear about it! Bonus!!!!
A couple of years ago if you had told me I would be calling people I met online friends, I would have told you I wasn't a loser. But I do, and I'm not.
I would give a kidney for some of these people, not a liver nobody would want that.
And as an alarming number of us are women, I think we understand better than most. So go ahead bawl away.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

I don't envy you the isolation Beagle. Must be hard to make friends out there, tyranny of distance and all.

[Wally22]

Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

Okay, I seem to have misplaced my photobucket thingy, any one have some helpful hints on where I put it, or where I can get another one?

[byebyebridgetjones]

Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

beagle;1238296 wrote: You're dead right there bridgee dead right.
Just very very very difficult.

I did mean to add......simple but not easy.... alot of us here are serial ....erm....what's the word?....you know boundary problems????/.....what's the fecking word...

[beagle]

Underoos and Mates 2012 January....

jay-zeus i 'm a fricking mess & it isn't even 11 a.m

oh bridgee the green dream calls mate it calls strongly.