Question for anyone living AF

[Supercrew]

Question for anyone living AF

Although my plan was to quit drinking forever, the first 6 weeks were done one day at a time, and sometimes even 1 hour at a time.

Once the mental obsession finally lifted, after about 6 weeks, I was done with drinking.....until someone from another recovery program on another forum told me I wasn't a "real alcoholic" if I was able to stop on my own. I didn't act on that suggestion and I even argued against that frame of mind vehemently.

Once I got about 3-4 months under my belt I decided to test myself. I truly had thought I had lost the obsession to drink, but I wanted to see how I would react to a couple of beers. I drank 4 beers on a Friday afternoon, and they tasted horrible, and I didn't get a buzz, and I stopped. 2 weeks later I tried the same experiment and drank a 6 pack with the same results. The worst thing that could have happened did......nothing. I felt like I was cured. I even played in a golf tournament a couple weeks later and drank about 6-7 beers over a 5 hour span, enjoyed the day and quit.

The following weekend I played in another golf tournament, and I was back to my old self, got completely loaded drank when I got home, and continued on a bender that lasted most of December 2010. I had to detox in the ER, but once I got out I knew I was done drinking forever, and I haven't even contemplated drinking since Dec 20th 2010, and I plan on never touching alcohol again. So my experience was a process, I did have a plan after my relapse. Prior to finding my first forum my plan was to go cold turkey ODAAT then I learned tools on the forum on a daily basis that I implement daily to create a program for myself.

My biggest hurdle was making myself believe I could live happily without alcohol. Once that was accomplished it became pretty easy.

[Chillgirl]

Question for anyone living AF

Tipplerette;1238055 wrote: Thanks for starting this thread, Chill Girl. People, please keep posting. We, who are not there yet, are benefiting from this thread in a big way.

I agree Tipple its fantastic to hear these stories, keep them coming guys.....!!

When you start out you wonder if you cant do it because you think a certain way, this is proving how we eventually get there and just might save a newbie the pain of a relapse.

[papmom3]

Question for anyone living AF

My story is a bit of everyone's. I had known for years I needed to stop and probably had a problem. When I started my new job in 2007 things got worse and worse. But I didn't stop. Oh I gave half hearted attempts but even falling and breaking my wrist in my own house and having to go to the ER drunk didn't stop me. In 2009 I went to a GI doc because of increasing GERD (duh) and it was time for the dreaded C procedure. He was the first person I was absolutely honest with regarding how much I was drinking. He point blank told me I had to stop or I would die. That stayed with me for the next 6 months but I didn't do anything about it yet. Finally one day I was home for the second day in a row due to a hangover and I was at the bottom. I was searching online for rehab facilities ( I had actually just finished reading The Alcoholism and Addiction Cure by Chris Prentiss-all the while drinking of course) and was "this close" to making the phone call to Passages in CA even tho I knew I didn't have the $$ when I saw a Google ad for MWO. I clicked on it and spent the whole day reading post after post. I downloaded the book that day and the next day I went shopping for the supps and ordered the CDs. I spent a lot of time in the Newbies Nest where I met DG and Lav as well as others who were hugely inspirational and supportive of me. After 29 days the family went out for Easter Dinner and I felt so good I decided I could have a glass of wine. I had 2. I still felt good and had no desire for more after dinner. However, I believe later that week I relapsed for some reason and drank about 4 glasses from a large bottle of wine. I posted about it in the Newbies Nest and was supercharged to get back on the horse. A few weeks later, the first of May, I attended my first agility trial up in NH. My friend went with me and it was an overnight with 8 dogs in a small hotel room. The first day was extraordinarily hot and humid which no one was prepared for. It was also an extremely long day. I think we finally ate dinner at 9:30. I was pissed at my friend for a variety of reasons, hungry and tired. I had a glass of wine at dinner. She knew I was trying to quit but didn't say anything. Later that week I started downing a whole bottle due to some imagined case of the blues and inadequacy. I remember posting while in the midst of drinking the bottle. Most people were very kind but one person, who is no longer allowed on here was brutally honest and quite nasty about my relapse. Funny tho, it was her words that woke me up and I poured the rest down the drain. The very next day was my new quit date and I haven't looked back. Of course I was wicked hungover that day and I kept that feeling in the front of my memories every day. I still do. I threw myself into the boards, the supps and the program. I have no illusions that I can ever drink again. I can't. My quit is forever.
But look what has happened! Medical problems that had started showing up in the early phases of my quit are gone. I've exceled in agility. I've taken up quilting and find I am good at it and love it! I still hate my job but it is so much more bearable now. My family is happy for me and very supportive. I'm finally a role model for my nephews and neice. I NEVER have to worry about a DUI ever again! If I drag myself into work now it's due to illness, not a hangover. I've made dozens of new friends who I cherish here at MWO. I've gotten a part time job working with nursing home residents and surprised myself by loving it!
Has life always been so good during this journey? Nope. If you search my posts from May 2010 to about Christmas, you'll find me lamenting how life DIDN"T seem any better. What i had to learn was that I make my own life whatever quality I want. It doesn't automatically happen. And that probably is the most important lesson I learned.

:l and :h to all here on MWO.

[sunshine_gg]

Question for anyone living AF

I believe that this is my final quit. Lord knows there have been many before, one even lasting a respectable 8 months. The difference for me as well is attitude. I'm not mourning anymore, and I'm not sacrificing a darn thing. I LOVE the simplicity of not drinking. It's not for me, no thank you.

The other difference is how I deal with the thoughts when they do come knocking (and they do)... previously, I've pushed them aside as fast as I could... to have them return again and again until I finally gave in (usually because I was upset about something, happy, tired, hungry.. insert just about anything). This time around, I'm actually acknowledging the thought, thinking it through to its bitter end. OK, so you want a drink (it'll make the house work much more fun)... of course, house work will no longer be of importance once you're 1/2 way into that bottle of wine. And as we all know, that one bottle won't be enough, either... and so on.

It used to be ODAT but I think I might as well look at the long term picture now. There won't be moderation in my future... I'm incapable of that and at this point I'd be completely unwilling to spend the energy it would require.

Great topic, Chilly!

[mylife]

Question for anyone living AF

Thanks for starting this thread Chill! I just wanted to reiterate Tipplerettes feelings - please keep posting these wonderful stories of success. They are really inspirational for those of us who are struggling with this battle!

This journey has really kicked my butt - I really thought I'd just decide to quit and that would be that as I wasn't "that bad" (in my mind). It has been the hardest thing I've ever done, but I have to say I really know in my heart it will be so worth it. Thanks again!! And by the way I have no delusions whatsover that I am going to mod in the future. Not drinking AT ALL is the life that I want for myself. I know I'll get there, too.

[Boh]

Question for anyone living AF

chill,

I'm just under 100 days now and I am just getting used to the word "forever"

First I set my goal to be AF for a week. When i reached that I decided to go for two, then three weeks... I never in a million years thought I would make a month!

When I was AF for 30 days I thought, cool.... I'm going to have a beer... but then I thought why quit quitting now? So I kept on, always saying to myself, if I want a beer I'll have one... but I never did. I just want to be my own decision maker, I wanted to feel like I have the power. I've had beer in the fridge all 97 days of my sobriety and it feels great.

I never said to myself that I was quitting Forever because in the beginning I could not imagine my life without AL.... now 97 days in I'm getting more comfortable with the possibility of never drinking again... I love my new life! And I know I cannot mod...

forever?


boh

[scottish lass]

Question for anyone living AF

Chill - thanks for asking these questions, the responses are enlightening. I have managed my 30 days and I am feeling that something has clicked. Reading those who are achieving being AF is so helpful. I am scared that the feeling I have now will change and leave, but some of the posts here are really helpful.
I also am not able to acknowledge forever and it is reassuring to know that I can succeed without having to get to that place.
This gives me the ability to take what I have achedived, take what I feel and continue without feeling guilty that I am not stating forever - and I think that knowledge will make me stronger.
For those of us starting to make this a way of life, this thread is so important - I look forward to continuing to read what people post here.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences, you are such great role models:thanks:

[Tipplerette]

Question for anyone living AF

The more I read about modding the more I am slowly acknowledging that it's a dream best forgotten.

[Struggles 106]

Question for anyone living AF

Hey Tips-for most " moderation" is not a dream but a nightmare.

Day 94 today, and taking it one day at a time though I don't think much about drinking.
Once it's in your mind that it's not something you can/will do you stop thinking about it.
I have anyway, more or less.
I find that I am now having the dreams of drinking. Either starightfroward-where I drank and feel bad, or am trying to figure if I drank, or the symbolic dream where I'm trying to get away from something very frightening that keeps grabbing me. I'm sure I know the menaing of that.

I like walking into my office with my head held high knowing that I was not out the night before with colleagues, and they are not going to ask me "What did you do after we left?" Two
reasons for that-1) I always had to be the last one to leave! and 2) I usually couldn't answer since I usually did not know!

I find every day that there's a lot of stuff that's been ignored in drunkenness, that now needs attention. I haven't done a real evaluation of $$$$ saved by not buying beer and smokes yet but I will and will post an update. I'll bet it's a lot!

Thank you all for being here and helping me stay strong.

[Tipplerette]

Question for anyone living AF

boh[/QUOTE]I never said to myself that I was quitting Forever because in the beginning I could not imagine my life without AL.... now 97 days in I'm getting more comfortable with the possibility of never drinking again... I love my new life! And I know I cannot mod...

forever? boh
See, we learn something to help us build on our success every day. Knowing I can (helll, it's within eye sight on my wine rack) and not drinking through choice sure beats denying myself.

This is the most enlightening thread I've traversed so far.

[Nelz]

Question for anyone living AF

Ann 221;1239299 wrote: Hey Tips-for most " moderation" is not a dream but a nightmare.

Day 94 today, and taking it one day at a time though I don't think much about drinking.
Once it's in your mind that it's not something you can/will do you stop thinking about it.
I have anyway, more or less.
I find that I am now having the dreams of drinking. Either starightfroward-where I drank and feel bad, or am trying to figure if I drank, or the symbolic dream where I'm trying to get away from something very frightening that keeps grabbing me. I'm sure I know the menaing of that.

I like walking into my office with my head held high knowing that I was not out the night before with colleagues, and they are not going to ask me "What did you do after we left?" Two
reasons for that-1) I always had to be the last one to leave! and 2) I usually couldn't answer since I usually did not know!

I find every day that there's a lot of stuff that's been ignored in drunkenness, that now needs attention. I haven't done a real evaluation of $$$$ saved by not buying beer and smokes yet but I will and will post an update. I'll bet it's a lot!

Thank you all for being here and helping me stay strong.

Oh, I did that once and was VERY pleased! You should do that soon, it will really make you feel great

[mario]

Question for anyone living AF

I discovered this site by chance as I was looking for someone or something to help me in my battle, After having many a break from my drinking and forever thinking I was still in control I always ended up in a worst state and going downhill faster, I hit my worst rock bottom in jan 09 and knew that this time it was for real, I also knew that I wanted to and needed to stop for good and that this time it certainly was for good,I first joined another site which gave me lots of support and help and I also went to one day a week recovery self help course which was brilliant,I also did one on one counselling sessions, Plus also went to a few AA meetings to be around like minded people and to talk to people who where/are went down this road already which also was a great help, I like to try and post and share my experience here everyday as as well as helping others it helps me to not forget how far I have come and keeps me on track, This forum is the only tool now that I work and it works for me. Regarding how people stop drinking imo If it helps you use it and if your able you can take the advice from the different roads to sobriety and use them all in accordence with your overall goal.

[Road to Recovery]

Question for anyone living AF

2009 was a very bad year for me - healthwise. My drinking had managed to take over my life to the point where it consumed my every day thoughts. I was drinking to the point of blackout every single night - faithfully. I was using money that my family didnt have, sneaking and hiding the booze, lying to my wife, my kids and physically I was just in a constant fog. The only thing that seem to make everything better was that first drink of the evening. I couldn't get it into me fast enough. I was in jeopardy of losing my family.
After feeling pain in my abdomen almost everyday, I knew it had to be the alcohol - it was catching up on me. I was now becoming a risk for diabetes, my liver was suffering, and the infamous beer belly.
In November of 2009 I decided I was going to get my life back - oh yes - I am going to give it up or at least get it under control starting Jan 01 - yah right... In February after hearing my doc tell me I was borderline diabetic, I had truly had enough. I was turning 40 this year and I didn't want my life to be like this. AA was never really an option for me as I live in a small town where you know a lot of people. Plus I am a drunk - I am such a failure - weak. And if I went to AA, that would mean I have committed to outing myself as an alcoholic and I would be held accountable. That's when I turned to the internet - there has to be something else besides AA (I have nothing against AA - I was just too embarrassed to admit I had a problem). I stumbled upon a drug which had potential to help one regain control over their drinking and still allow one to keep drinking. Well that's what every alcoholic wants, right? I was so excited. I joined the TSM forum and went to see my doc about Naltrexone. My doctor had never heard of it, but after consulting with a colleague, he suggested Baclofen - A muscle relaxent. Wow, it totally took the wind out of my sails - this isn't going to work! But my doc told me to try it and if there was no success, he wouldd try Naltrexone.
After being on Bac for 4 days, I came home to find that my wife had found an empty liquor bottle... The jig was up. She was very upset and said she didn't want to live like this anymore. I told her that I had went to the doc and am trying Baclofen. I decided that by the 5th day, I would try to get some alcohol free days in. It was hard - the cravings were strong but I pushed through and strangely after about 7 or 8 days, the cravings weren't so bad. I would say that by about the 10 day mark - I was indifferent - I didn't crave alcohol anymore - To good to be true? I also came to this forum everyday and received so much support - I am so grateful for the site - the people here are amazing and so supportive - I am eternally in their debt. As the days went by, it got better and better. I was able to actually see alcohol for what it is - the devil - a monster that just wants to destroy you.
I have been alcohol free since February 8th 2010 - almost 2 years.
After about 6 months on Baclofen (80mg - the highest I went) I decided to try titrating down. I had no interest in alcohol whatsoever anymore. I have not taken any baclofen since November of 2010. No cravings returned - nothing.
Baclofen had saved my life, my marriage, my existance. So how do I handle social situations? I just say I don't want to drink. I would even explain why if they insisted. Because I finally realized - and I wish everyone here could see - We are not weak, we are not losers or failures - we are people that have a disease. And I believe this with all my heart - it can be treated - controlled - by Baclofen. But you have to be committed, you have to want the sober life - which I can tell you, it is the best - not having alcohol control you - it is amazing.

[Unwasted]

Question for anyone living AF

Wow, these are amazing posts. Thank you everyone - you know how much this helps those of us who are new to sobriety. Invaluable, really.

Chill - my sincere gratitude for starting the thread.

[Supercrew]

Question for anyone living AF

Road to Recovery;1239444 wrote: 2009 was a very bad year for me - healthwise. My drinking had managed to take over my life to the point where it consumed my every day thoughts. I was drinking to the point of blackout every single night - faithfully. I was using money that my family didnt have, sneaking and hiding the booze, lying to my wife, my kids and physically I was just in a constant fog. The only thing that seem to make everything better was that first drink of the evening. I couldn't get it into me fast enough. I was in jeopardy of losing my family.
After feeling pain in my abdomen almost everyday, I knew it had to be the alcohol - it was catching up on me. I was now becoming a risk for diabetes, my liver was suffering, and the infamous beer belly.
In November of 2009 I decided I was going to get my life back - oh yes - I am going to give it up or at least get it under control starting Jan 01 - yah right... In February after hearing my doc tell me I was borderline diabetic, I had truly had enough. I was turning 40 this year and I didn't want my life to be like this. AA was never really an option for me as I live in a small town where you know a lot of people. Plus I am a drunk - I am such a failure - weak. And if I went to AA, that would mean I have committed to outing myself as an alcoholic and I would be held accountable. That's when I turned to the internet - there has to be something else besides AA (I have nothing against AA - I was just too embarrassed to admit I had a problem). I stumbled upon a drug which had potential to help one regain control over their drinking and still allow one to keep drinking. Well that's what every alcoholic wants, right? I was so excited. I joined the TSM forum and went to see my doc about Naltrexone. My doctor had never heard of it, but after consulting with a colleague, he suggested Baclofen - A muscle relaxent. Wow, it totally took the wind out of my sails - this isn't going to work! But my doc told me to try it and if there was no success, he wouldd try Naltrexone.
After being on Bac for 4 days, I came home to find that my wife had found an empty liquor bottle... The jig was up. She was very upset and said she didn't want to live like this anymore. I told her that I had went to the doc and am trying Baclofen. I decided that by the 5th day, I would try to get some alcohol free days in. It was hard - the cravings were strong but I pushed through and strangely after about 7 or 8 days, the cravings weren't so bad. I would say that by about the 10 day mark - I was indifferent - I didn't crave alcohol anymore - To good to be true? I also came to this forum everyday and received so much support - I am so grateful for the site - the people here are amazing and so supportive - I am eternally in their debt. As the days went by, it got better and better. I was able to actually see alcohol for what it is - the devil - a monster that just wants to destroy you.
I have been alcohol free since February 8th 2010 - almost 2 years.
After about 6 months on Baclofen (80mg - the highest I went) I decided to try titrating down. I had no interest in alcohol whatsoever anymore. I have not taken any baclofen since November of 2010. No cravings returned - nothing.
Baclofen had saved my life, my marriage, my existance. So how do I handle social situations? I just say I don't want to drink. I would even explain why if they insisted. Because I finally realized - and I wish everyone here could see - We are not weak, we are not losers or failures - we are people that have a disease. And I believe this with all my heart - it can be treated - controlled - by Baclofen. But you have to be committed, you have to want the sober life - which I can tell you, it is the best - not having alcohol control you - it is amazing.

Awesome post R2R! It sounded very similar to my story...minus the Bac. Great job!