I don't drink, why do some people not get it?

[pingu1997]

Sorry for creating a new thread, but I wondered if anyone else had dealt with this and if so, how.

I haven't touched a drink since March 15th 2011. I was advised to cut down by the doctor and I guessed I probably wouldn't manage that. So I gave up completely, with the intention of reviewing it after a month. It was damn difficult especially for the first week, but then it got easier. I then set a target of 6 months, then 9, and now 12. The reality is that I probably wont drink again. That sounds really scary to me, but I know in my heart that I will never be able to enjoy one drink without wanting more, and for me taking away the agony of choice is the easier option.

Some of my close friends know the full story. Most people know I don't drink any more, some don't care why. I've had a fair bit of piss taking along the way. But most people either support it or just let it be and move on.

It's the older generation who just don't seem to get it. Over Christmas I was offered wine, to which I refused, then offered wine with cassis (a blackcurrant liquer) in it. My mother knows I haven't drunk for ages. I told her simply no thanks, I don't drink and the look she gave me was fit to kill....
My father in law, who has in the past accused me of being selfish for giving up, asked me if I would consider moving my target date to March 16th and having Christmas Day off.....

Obv I can't have the whole conversation with these people but why can't they just accept I don't drink and stop trying to push it down my neck?

Sorry for ranting

[dags]

I don't drink, why do some people not get it?

hi ping

pingu1997;1237693 wrote: Sorry for creating a new thread, but I wondered if anyone else had dealt with this and if so, how.

I haven't touched a drink since March 15th 2011. I was advised to cut down by the doctor and I guessed I probably wouldn't manage that. So I gave up completely, with the intention of reviewing it after a month. It was damn difficult especially for the first week, but then it got easier. I then set a target of 6 months, then 9, and now 12. The reality is that I probably wont drink again. That sounds really scary to me, but I know in my heart that I will never be able to enjoy one drink without wanting more, and for me taking away the agony of choice is the easier option.

Some of my close friends know the full story. Most people know I don't drink any more, some don't care why. I've had a fair bit of piss taking along the way. But most people either support it or just let it be and move on.

It's the older generation who just don't seem to get it. Over Christmas I was offered wine, to which I refused, then offered wine with cassis (a blackcurrant liquer) in it. My mother knows I haven't drunk for ages. I told her simply no thanks, I don't drink and the look she gave me was fit to kill....
My father in law, who has in the past accused me of being selfish for giving up, asked me if I would consider moving my target date to March 16th and having Christmas Day off.....

Obv I can't have the whole conversation with these people but why can't they just accept I don't drink and stop trying to push it down my neck?

Sorry for ranting

iv had the same problem not from family but from friends the thing is they just dont understand and some people dont like change stay strong darling dont let them get to you, i have even had to get a little aggresive to get my point across only because they left me no other choice, some people wont be happy untill your drinking again dont let them beat you good luck

[Nelz]

I don't drink, why do some people not get it?

WOW, that seems very unfortunate to me. You deciding to make a life changing good decision and get backlash for it?

Im not sure how I would handle that, except to just do what you did. Tell them you no longer drink. That certainly doesnt make you a freak or anything. Lots of people dont do drugs and they dont catch any grief.

FWIW, anyone in our shoes, that in fact gives up AL is OOHHHHHTAYYYY in my book! In fact its kinda hard not to admire the strength it takes to overcome such an obstacle.


Just keep this mental image in your head the next time someone acts like that.............



That should carry you through the tough times....................:H Well done btw, I am in your boat, trying to get to one year....Good luck Attached files [img]/converted_files/1747504=6929-attachment.jpg[/img]

[Cinders]

I don't drink, why do some people not get it?

I do not run into this with anyone, friends or family, and it makes me sad you do.

I have learned not to think I understand what other people are thinking because it often leads me down a path I do not want to go down.

Just recognize that you have made a decision, and I think a very good decision, not to drink. This decision does not hurt anyone at all, even if it irritates them for whatever reason.

btw, :goodjob: on the sobriety!!!

Cindi

[Chillgirl]

I don't drink, why do some people not get it?

Pingu - keep doing what you are doing. Its a pain in the ass but think about it as their shortcomings not your.

I no longer get this from friends and family as they all know I absolutely dont drink but I have encountered it lately with new aquaitances. At my office Christmas do somone went to give me wine and I said no thanks I dont drink, she paused for a sec then said "oh well just have a small one". (doh!) Frustrating! The longer you are AF the less this will happen.

[Bean]

I don't drink, why do some people not get it?

Congratulations Pingu on your great success with being AF already. I am newly sober (yet again) but after a stint in rehab in October, this is it for me. Luckily, anyone who knows about my problem has been extremely supportive. Only my cousin who I saw for the first time in 10 years at Christmas and KNEW I had been in treatment said, "Do you really not drink anything at all?" and then looked sad and said, "I was really looking forward to having a drink with you". I told him to get over it!!

The fact is that alcohol is the only drug we have to justify NOT taking. Stay strong and remind yourself that anyone who gives you a hard time is speaking volumes about their own issues. Jason Vale's book "How to Kick Drink - Easily" is really good for debunking the myths around AL and provides some good responses in the situations you have faced.

Happy New year!
Bean

[looking for peace]

I don't drink, why do some people not get it?

That just sucks! If you stopped smoking everyone would congratulate you. With drinking, it's like you have a problem instead of you simply don't drink. I think alot of it is "misery loves company". In a group of drinkers, a non drinker may just bring out other peoples' concerns with their own drinking habits. That's uncomfortable for many drinkers.

[Struggles 106]

I don't drink, why do some people not get it?

Hey Ping

It is amazing isn't it? My sister who swills wine every night makes smart ass comments to me like
"Oh you're quitting AGAIN?" in an obnoxious tone of voice.
This goes right along with the fact that it's LEGAL and accepted but far more harmful than other drugs.
But then if ou get testy when you are badgered then you are the one with the problem about it-----weird!

[MWOLady]

I don't drink, why do some people not get it?

yes, this says volumes about THEM doesn't it? They simply resent that you are able to do something they wish they could do!! I think I'm going to have to use some excuses I'll make up before hand when my turn comes because I'll get the same reactions. At least until people get used to me not drinking.

Just the same with smoking though eh? DH and I watch a lot of old movies from the 30s 40s and 50s and boy those people smoked their brains out! And I noticed that even in modern movies many of the men still smoke - this is to show that they are deep thinkers or something!! But if we all smoked like that we'd be shunned!! So hang tough. Either use an excuse or just say no thanks, I don't drink and feel good about yourself. I can't wait to get to where you are!!

[Supercrew]

I don't drink, why do some people not get it?

Look at it this way, it sounds as if just your Mother and your Father in law want you to drink. Ignore them with a smile.

No one questions my decision.....but I wasn't the best drunk to be around. My parents both didn't understand the fact that I couldn't control my intake, but since they saw me in the ER detoxing they don't question my decision.

[Struggles 106]

I don't drink, why do some people not get it?

Hey Crew

Nothing like the ER setting to make things clear

[nancy]

I don't drink, why do some people not get it?

drinking culture

I know exactly what you mean. There are certain places/cultures where turning down a drink brings on that exact reaction. Sounds like they don't know the full extent of the problem and they don't need to know. It just goes to show how important alcolohol is where you live. You might benefit from reading Alan Carr's book Easy Way to Quit Drinking or a book by Jason Vale along the same lines, as they acknowledge this cultural issue.

At one point in time, it was social to have cigarrettes together and we know how that has changed.

[byebyebridgetjones]

I don't drink, why do some people not get it?

pingu1997;1237693 wrote: but why can't they just accept I don't drink and stop trying to push it down my neck?

Because they are somehow invested.
Now let's think this through logically.....could it be that they have a problem themselves?
In my experience, people without a drinking problem really don't care or notice whether I am drinking or not.
Just a thought
Bridge.

[pingu1997]

I don't drink, why do some people not get it?

byebyebridgetjones;1238390 wrote: Because they are somehow invested.
Now let's think this through logically.....could it be that they have a problem themselves?
In my experience, people without a drinking problem really don't care or notice whether I am drinking or not.
Just a thought
Bridge.

thanks for all the replies. I have the Allen Carr book, just not got round to reading it

I've had a think too, and while I don't think any of the people in question have a problem themselves (especially not my mother), the people of that generation just accept that a glass of wine with a meal is normal, therefore if you don't have one you're weird. Plus my mother is quite controlling and they expect me to drink as I always have

I will keep going, I just found it hard on Christmas Day and New Years Eve, the 2 days I would have normally drunk my way through, that people were trying so hard to pour it down me which was actually doing more harm than good

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

I don't drink, why do some people not get it?

You could always buy a packet of big stinking smelly cigars and hassle them each to take one next time they take that attitude of forcing drink on you. 'But we don't smoke cigars' will come the answer, 'yes and I don't drink' comes your reply 'here smoke one anyway to be sociable'.