Could use some help...can't take Topamax

[middlepathpilgrim]

Hi All,

It's been awhile since I last posted but man, am I on a downer right now.... Just can't keep it all together.

I was doing well on the Topamax but had to start with Effexor because of SAD (Sesonal Affective Disorder) and the two simply didn't mix. Anxiety attacks, nauseos all day, shakes, etc. I've got a lightbox for the SAD but that just isn't enough (big time depression, anxiety attacks, hives, etc.) So I dropped the Topamax and the drinking began. I just don't know what to do! The supplements aren't doing the trick.

I've got an appointment with the doctor on Friday and hope that he'll have some advice because I just can't keep this up.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Gloria

[Determinator]

Could use some help...can't take Topamax

I'd go to the doc for sure and if you don't get a suitable/workable answer go immediately to another doc. I've run into some pretty useless MD's before...just keep at them. if I'm getting really depresssed the only thing that works is heavy exercise but I know it's hard to motivate when you are down. feel for you Gloria! keep us up to speed on how you're doing.

[middlepathpilgrim]

Could use some help...can't take Topamax

Thanks Determinator! I'm one of the fortunate ones in that my doctor is very sympathetic and helpful (actually has a degree in Substance Abuse, I think). He's been with me since the start.

Yes, exercise would help but I'm either too damn busy with work or it's too damn cold out. Been walking around the parking lot two or three times a day but really miss my 1 hour summer walks. Just not an option with work and family right now.

Thanks again for the post. It's really appreciated.

Gloria

[GratefulEm]

Could use some help...can't take Topamax

Gloria, May I ask what dose you were up to on the topa? I also take effexor. Have been on it for 3 years.
The topa seemed to make me crazy. I'd cry my eyes out and say awful things to people. I quit it for awhile but still haven't found a "groove." I recently started dividing one small topa pill into thirds and taking one of those each day. I feel that I still don't have the brain chemistry right. How do topa and effexor interact?
Has that been addressed? I wonder? I keep hoping the supplements will help too. Exercise is great and I love to run, but can't do that on a daily basis. Wonder where we get the answers to these questions. They are important ones. Em

[middlepathpilgrim]

Could use some help...can't take Topamax

Em, so good to see your typing!

I was up to 200 mgs of Topa mid-September (started in July), but found that I was, uhm... kind of schizophrenic,---couldn't concentrate, totally unfocused, some mood swings and leg aches. Dosed back to 125mg, then the SAD hit around Halloween and I just had to choose: alchohol or deprerssion? Louisng way to start the day. In all honesty, by that time I'd stopped exercising and the CDs, just supplements and a prayer. I'd had some Topa side effects all along---unable to concentrate, lost thoughts, leg aches---but the benefits were so good that I kept going. Damn, damn.

Just read the back of the RX flier that the Effexor has a side effect of "suicidal thoughts." Definitely time for me to talk to the dr. I'm so blasted down and with a family history of suicide---my mom---I'm a bit more than worried as to my current mind state. Husband's a charm--patient and caring---so okay for now, but he's off on a business trip on Saturday for five days. Have lined up the girlfriends to cover my butt (and daughter).

Maybe tomorrow's another day?

Gotta get a kid in a bath....

Gloria

[Cashregister]

Could use some help...can't take Topamax

Hiya,

I was put on effexor for depression and had very serious side effects - it sounds like you are having a reaction to it - better to stop that than the topa. and start drinking.

There are plenty of other good antidepressants on the market - I take Cipramil which does not seem to react with anything else i take.

It can be hit and miss but it sounds like effexor is definately a miss - I had hallucinations on it.

good luck

cashy

[GratefulEm]

Could use some help...can't take Topamax

Oh Gloria, Please, please hang in there. I'll be thinking of you and praying today for you. This IS a very difficult journey. I understand the suicidal thoughts, especially since this involves your mom. Wow! But that's not an option for you. So let's see what steps you could take.
I'm still trying to understand addiction and how much is brain chemistry and how much factors from the way we were brought up. It seems like you have an awful, nightmarish stress on your back that is a big gaping wound with the history of family suicide. Can you, have you talked about it, in depth? Who is in your life that is taking care of you? Sounds like you have some support system with friends and husband so that's good. I've also been reading Pema Chodron's "The Places That Scare You" and it's helped me alot.
She's a very loving Buddhist woman. (I go to a Protestant Church but have room in my belief system for her ideas.) I also just started an incredible book: "The Craving Brain" which is based on the premise that addiction is not a matter of will. It really backs up the My Way Our program's philosophy.
Winter and the darkness - another stress. It just naturally lends itself to sadness. One small bit of hope is that the days are starting to get longer, just a wee bit. But I'm really worried about the topa and effexor.
Can you write to the doctor in Alaska who is working with RJ for MYO? I think you need way more info about the way these two are interacting. Doesn't sound good. At higher doses, effexor acts on norepinephrine and dopamine, not just serotonin so could be your brain chemistry is not working FOR you.
Can you see a psychiatrist who may be more informed about meds than family doctor? I too am not totally happy with the effexox.
Bottom line is - this is not you! It's a big bundle of junk on your back that can and will be worked through one small step at a time. It's just so damn complicated to unravel. I like to think of it like Santa's bag of toys weighing him down. We can open the bag and take out one toy at a time, examine it, play with it,
ruminate about it, maybe hate it and throw it around but eventually the bag gets lighter.
There is hope. Stay here, keep reading. Get help with the medications. Find something good and happy in today. A great big hug - Em

[Cashregister]

Could use some help...can't take Topamax

I agree with Em, a P-doc who understands brain chem is a must for me - I have rapid cycling bipolar depression and a movement disorder and drinking probs, and have found out through long experience that brain chemistry is a very strange thing that needs to be treated with care - as antidepressants can make you too high, mood stabilisers can make you shake and tremble, and then otherthings can make you depressed, and that can make you drink which stops the movement but leads to more depression which can be countered by other meds for epliepsy - a strange and sometimes very rocky road.

I've been suicidal, and i've done some very dumb things that have seen me end up in an emergency room. But I have to say that these incidents all occurred after drinking exessively - along with the meds - to create a rapid downward spiral. So to me it's so important to stop that biggest trigger into depression for me.

I'd also add that there are many side effects on antidepressant patient info as they have to cover there butts for every eventuality or get sued. So don't panic too much about that list - some even say you can lose weight/gain weight and feel anxious and/or elated all in one go. They try to cover everything.

Hope the bath was great, look after yourself and see if you can get your Dr to refer you to a specialist.

Cashy
xx

[Popeye]

Could use some help...can't take Topamax

Dear Gloria,
Please, please stay with us. It is hard. Please. My mum tried it a few times. My daughter tried it a few times. I've thought about it a few times. I didn't care about me, I still don't too much, but I care enough and I think you do too...
Love and prayers

[middlepathpilgrim]

Could use some help...can't take Topamax

Much better today

Thanks Em, Paul and Cash for the replies. You guys are so supportive! :l I'm much better today after a long hot soak and good night's sleep. Just a little shaky, but sooo relieved that there was some explanation for such a dark hole I was in. I skipped the Effexor this morning, doubled my time with the light box and sucked down more water than I have in a long time. Was very good about taking my supps and the cravings aren't so bad tonight. I've had only the one glass of wine and will try and get to bed early again. I'm looking forward to seeing the dr tomorrow and see what he has to say. Will keep all your great suggestions in mind.

Ah Em, my past does read like a soap opera. Such drama! For years I held onto having to make it to 40 as my mother had died just before her 40th birthday. Well, at 39 I found out that it was her 41 birthday. Just had to let go at that point. I am who I am, she was who she was. Hope that I have the good points and know that we do share a demon or two. Yes, my brother does give me the hairy eyeball, but I figure that's his issue, not mine anymore.

Thanks all, again for being there. It is much appreciated.

Gloria

[happycamper68]

Could use some help...can't take Topamax

Middlepath,
Have you thought about taking Campral for abstinence. It has very few side effects and you can take it with most meds. I really wish you well you sound like you have been through the ringer. :h

[GratefulEm]

Could use some help...can't take Topamax

Gloria, I am SO glad that you're feeling a bit better. You just keep coming here every time you need support or are just having a crappy day. I can't imagine dealing with what you have to. Do be careful with the effexor. It worried me that you skipped a dose. You probably know that it's hell to go off that stuff and needs to be done very slowly as you wean off of it. Please be careful. I'm sure your doc will help you.
Thinking of you, Em

[USAnne]

Could use some help...can't take Topamax

Gloria,
Hang in there! And just as Happy Camper said, have you thought about Campral? I too had weird weird side effects with Topa, although I only took it for a short time. However, just the fact that I took it for a while seemed to help change my brain chemistry. Then, I made the decision to become abstinent (because I couldn't take the topa) and my doctor put me on Campral. It really really worked and only took me a short while to find that I could take less and less... and then I just came off it, very naturally.
Check with your doctor of course. You know, I am a gung-ho American about taking meds when needed, but I have found over the years that vitamins, exercise and the supplements that RJ have recommended, as well as others, seem to do so very much for lifting depression and putting your head and body in a whole 'nother place. Take care of yourself, keep going... you will get there!!
Anne

[betty boop]

Could use some help...can't take Topamax

Hi Gloria, so sorry that you are having so much to deal with.......

I haven't tried topamax but I can empathise with depression, I'm on cipralex, Don't know about you, but I used to drink for anxiety but it took me ages to realise that in the long run the drink actually worsens the anxiety.

Lavender oil in the bath is good for relaxation, as are the CD's.

Hang in there and take care of yourself.

Lots of love & Hugs coming your way, Paula :h :l :h

[middlepathpilgrim]

Could use some help...can't take Topamax

Hello All,

I wrote a lovely post but I seems to have disappear into computerland! Em, Camper, Paula and USAnne, thanks so much for the posts and thoughts. I'm doing sooo much better.

Talked with the doctor and I'm going with the Campral. Having some mild withdrawls from the Effexor, shaky and a bit weepy, but nothing I can't handle. The 13 pounds I've put on it another thing! Damn, time to get walking again.

As I spent so much time with the last note and lost it, will close fast. Talk to you guys tonight!

Much love,

Gloria

P.S. Absolutely NO suicidal thoughts. All gone. Whew! Will keep a close eye on the side effects on any new meds, for sure. (And be sure to call my dr, he was rather bent that I hadn't called sooner. Good guy.)