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[C]

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Thank you for your words of kindness & encouragement

Lisa, Lucky, Pansy, Janet, Sophie, Kathy, Kate, paulb,Neil,sammys,Cashy,Gloria...

Thank you all so much for your words of kindness & encouragement

[lorisunshine]

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Hi Chrysalis.
First of all - I really miss your Avatar. It always reminded me of the other worldly creatures that lived beneath the ocean, in my favourite movie "The Abyss". Do bring it back.

As to the rest of your story, oh, I could have written it. I too have turned 60 this year. I don't know how that happened, but apparently it is true.
I can totally sympatize with you. I can tell you one thing for sure, it is never, never, never too late unless one is dead and then it does not matter anymore.
I had my daughter rather late in life and like you, I want to be around, when she needs me. As I just lost my mother, I only now realize that no matter how independent or sophisticated (not that I claim to be sophisticated)one has grown up to be, you always want to have your parents and you think they go on forever. I have a very close relationship with my daughter and I simply need to be here for her, for as long as I can drag it out, just like you.

I have tended to rant over all the time I wasted. We do not have any time left to waste. We have to forget about that and just live in the here and now....it is today....today........today and one more today. Before we know it, it may be 365 days AF.

The other reason I have to do it right this time, is the fact that I have noticed my childs alcohol consumption and I don't like the looks of it. What if she inherited something demonic from me and is heading down the same path........what a horrible thought. How can I say to her "darling, you damned well drink too much.......when I am on my 3rd. Scotch for the night. Arrrrrrrrrgh.
I want to go back and change so much, but I can't. Inside, I still feel like 24 and am full of energy, but when I try to put all these ideas into motion, my drunk old body will not cooperate.
Chrysa, you and me and many here, we will change that. Failure is not an option. I have so much hope for all of us, but I need all of you. I will do whatever it takes to encourage you, as you have encouraged me.
I have been thinking of you all day long and could hardly wait to come back here to post.
You have described my life and we are going to change that. Period.
All my love and empathy,
Lori

[dilayne]

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Hey Chrysa...I'm 48 (and a half)..but feel like I've been around forever..I have 3 grown kids and already have 4 grandkids - I'm just coming into who I am, which really has been a big contributor to giving up the A..I did it years ago for the kids, this time I'm doing it for myself..the decision is the hardest thing, no matter how old you are. 60 is young but I don't think age has anything to do with it..you are right to refer to your psyche, which is ageless and timeless...the only time that is important is the NOW. Big hugs for sharing so honestly, I feel the same way about other things as well..but have realized that it's just a field a lot of us have to cross.
((hugs again)) Di

[happycamper68]

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Chrys,

I feel so terribly that I feel like I have opened up so many wounds for you!

60 is the new 50 for sure. Had no idea you were drinking the hard stuff but so glad for your extremley honest post. You've always been so supportive of me and my family and I am so sorry you are going through this right now. Kathy is right, maybe some medication can help, aside from Campral can help you.

I just received the Allen Carr book today- have not looked at it but will when my daughter is in bed later. Everyone seems to think it can be of great help- get it on Amazon NOW. :h

[AMELIA]

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Hey Chrysa, I am 36years old and I like to refer to anyone older than me as just 'older'. It is the truth and I don't really know if there is much use for anyone to refer to themselves as being 'old'. There has never been any public statement of what 'old' is (and I am sure 60 doesn't meet the criteria).It is sad that you are still in pain physically. Have you exhausted every avenue to find an alternative?

I do know though,from my own experience,that habits and thoughts can feel ingrained, even though they may not be.That our minds (and bodies) tell us that if we have been doing something for 10, 15, 20, 40 years that it is not possible to change something so ingrained. I don't know what to say now about this, other than it boils down to a weighing up of what is important to you and whether or not you are getting the most out of life living it as you are at the moment.....Change can happen at any time.....

I have just got back from a holiday from New Zealand. My grandmother died two days before I returned for Christmas. I enjoyed every moment I spent with her and was looking forward to seeing her again this time, but very sadly, I did not have that opportunity. She was ill for over a week and didn't ring anyone for help until it was too late to save her.

Keep yourself as healthy as you can for your grandkids and your kids. They must absolutely adore you.

Once again, thank you for your wonderful, insightful posts. You are a wonderful, brave, intelligent 'older' woman. I hope you find a way out of your present situation.


Amelia

[irishlady]

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Dear Chrysa, As everyone here has said..you are never to old to change. You say the habit is too ingrained..well you can unlearn habits and teach yourself new ones...I shall be 60 in ten months time, in my head ( and depending how I'm feeling when I get up ) I can be any age from 18 to 98...You have got to start thinking positively about yourself, negative thoughts sap so much of your energy that you end up feeling worn out and hopeless...I know, I've been there......Just over three months ago, when I wasn't at work I would spend most of my time sitting in an armchair drinking...I would sometimes look down all the days I had in front of me and I felt despair....despair that it was too late for me to go to college....despair that my children had left home and had their own lives to lead now, despite the fact that I had brought them up to succeed and be independent...despair that because of throbbing knees, painful hip joints and a bad back I can no longer walk for as long or as far as I used to....but then I did some major thinking, I realised no one was going to come knocking on my door to make things better, it was up to me, but still I continued to drink thinking ...why bother?? until the night I drank nearly 3 bottles of wine for the first time, that was my wake up call...I found MWO and here I am....

You know I am so like you, I too love the beauty of nature, the wonder of life, I can sit on my patio and watch a trail of ants for ages, once I actually watched a spider unravel a web!!!..But my wonder and delight in this wonderful universe of ours has increased a thousand fold since I stopped drinking...Although things are easier now it was a hard journey in the begining, but knowing what I do now it's a journey I would undertake again..
You say there is a part of you that wants to live long...well hold that thought...expand on it till your head is bursting with it, but please try not to feel scared WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU, YOU ARE NOT ALONE...

Two practical things I would do though if I were you....work on not drinking, set yourself little goals, remember one step at a time just like a baby learning to walk, also go and see your doctor, not about the drinking, but about your health in general...I dont know if you are taking any supps such as multi-vits...But above all Chrysa please, please try to have a positive outlook and dont be scared

Vinophile...I was so touched by your remarks about my posts...I suppose most of us come on here and open up without realising the effect it has on other people, thank you...Just one thing though, you say your drinking is like a huge tree growing in your front yard....If you did chop that tree down think of how much sunshine would flood in through your front windows???

Well Chrysa I shall be thinking about you and sending you positive vibes, so you had better pick them up and do something with them

Take care Love from Louise xxx :hug:

[eustacia]

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Dear, sweet Chrysa,

You now know that a lot of us can relate to what you're feeling. You're a sensitive and giving soul and it makes me sad to read that giving up on yourself even crosses your mind.

I used to dance. My teacher, the dancer and choreographer Martha Graham, said that a dancer dies two deaths; the first is when the body breaks down and dancing becomes impossible, and the second is the death common to all of us because it is mortality. I don't know how widely known it is outside dance circles but Martha was an alcoholic. When she was in her sixties, she nearly died of alcoholism. Her life was totally out of control and she was depressed. She'd suffered numerous failed relationships with men, she was broke and her art was not yet well received. She had been told by physicians that if she would die soon if she continued to drink. Despite her depression, she pulled her act together and stopped drinking. Her body recovered and she lived another 30 years.

As Camper and others wrote, there is no reason to give up on yourself just because you are in midlife. I would add that the idea of someone as sensitive as you just giving yourself away to the bottle because of your age is especially sad because the world needs more people with the soulful kindness that you possess in abundance!

In terms of your physical pain, I wonder whether the alcohol might be making your joint problems worse. I,too, have some physical limitations and concomitant pain due not only to run of the mill dance injuries but to an assault that ended my ability to dance about 15 years ago. I find that the times when I wake up with excruciating joint pain are the times when I've had more than a glass or two (max) of wine. I know that alcohol is implicated in peripheral neuropathy and gout, two conditions that can cause pain in one's joints and extremeties. I wonder if this is what is happening to you?

Go easy on yourself, Chrysa. You're real. Your age is just a number.

Love, E

[MaggieD47]

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Hey Chrysa....just wanted you to know I am thinking of you. I think no matter what our age sometimes we think the "why bother" thing, like it's hopeless anyway. You know what you know inside your heart. You're here on MWO for a reason and it is not because you don't give a shi* anymore. Peace to you today Dear.

Maggie

[C]

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I am amazed -- thank you

Thank you to all who recently posted. I am going to print these out and read & reread them! So full of excellent & relevant thoughts for me. I am amazed.

Something about the people here..it is different. You know how people often say the right words, the kind words, the polite words of support. Here, people actually take the time to ponder & think about what would really help someone. I think that is something. You do not find that in many church communities.

Thank you Lush & MaggieD47 for relating. And again, all those that wrote to me the previous couple days.

Lori -- Wow. Your guote: "You have described my life and we are going to change that. Period. All my love and empathy, Failure is not an option." I think I am beginning to take in some of your resolve. Yes, let's be in touch..in it together.

Dilayne .."the decision is the hardest thing"... I am beginning to think you are right. I need to come to it.

Amelia "..habits and thoughts can feel ingrained, even though they may not be" Wow..that is definitely, definintely a comforting and hopeful thought.

Louise...you said so much. The others are right about you...you are the wise woman of the tribe. "work on not drinking, set yourself little goals, remember one step at a time just like a baby learning to walk, also go and see your doctor, not about the drinking, but about your health in general...I dont know if you are taking any supps such as multi-vits...But above all Chrysa please, please try to have a positive outlook and dont be scared...vibes?.so you had better pick them up and do something with them" ---- Yes. Good. This spoke to me, nailed it. Need to take baby-steps, start again. I felt your vibes, Louise. Had good night's sleep last night. I went to health food store this morning & stocked up & also got glucosamine/chondroitin. You say most important -- "positive outlook". God, I need to remind myself of that. I will work on it.

Eustacia, Dear... Thank you for taking such time & thoughtfulness. I know you are so busy. I did not know that about Martha Graham. Now that is an inspirational & relevant story!. And your idea about alcohol & joint pain, etc. Mostly likely, you are correct. It does make sense -- toxin build-up, etc. You, a dancer with Martha Graham, but of course!.
ly: Tahoma;">
Camper..you did nothing dear. Do not feel bad. I thank you for writing. Meant a lot to me.

Well I need to start my baby-step plan. It will be a few days before I get out of this depression. But I will. I have to also get another job contract for myself - yuk.

Other thing that is such a nice blessing is, because of all of you, I have been able to do this depression without talking to my husband about it. Truly, makes life so much easier for me.

Much Love ~Chrysa

[southernbelle47]

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women over forty

60 Minutes Correspondent Andy Rooney (CBS)

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If a w oman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting. Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40 , there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize. For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?", here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

Andy Rooney is a really smart guy!

[irishlady]

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Chrysa, What a heartening post...so different from your original one...I can sense the change in you already...yesterday you sounded in despair, you didn't think you had the energy to quit drinking and you were tired of lifes struggles....but today, see, you are already fired up with plans, and ok they may only be baby steps for now but keep on like this and I can see the rest of us having to do some serious running to keep up with YOU..Please keep on reading and posting here, I have found this wonderful place to be a life saver...

Am thinking of you often....Love from Louise xxx

[GratefulEm]

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Chrysa - You've reached out to me in my darkest moments and I thank you for that. Are you an interracial couple? My dear friend is in an interracial marriage, so I was just wondering. Hey, hey! That's really cool.
Ya, we're in the upper stages of our life. Only you can decide what you want. If you're happy zoning out each night then that's your prerogative. It's your life! You can choose this, dear heart and it's O.K. I'm
(we're) here for you. Don't judge yourself or force a change. Just go slow and work through all the "stuff."
Sometimes the pain is just too much and just too "there" every day. You're a sweetheart and we love you.
You're fine just the way you are! If you want to drink - I'll still love you just as much. I know what it's like to love our kids as our very selves. You're a great gal! Em - you keep writing to me XOXO and a hug

[Newyear]

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Hey Chrysa-

Louise is right - you sound much better. So glad to hear it. I love the martha graham story from eustasia and I just copied nancy's post from andy rooney to send to my sister and mother.
You guys are great - that includes the real guy- Fan (you make other people feel good too(me) when you write such nice posts).
I'm looking forward to hearing how you are doing Chrysa - baby steps is best. Hope you are doing something nice for yourself today - and this weekend.
Thinking of you.
Lisa

[ButEmilyLovedHim]

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I am new here ( posting - wise ) but Chrysalis, I have just read, re-read your posts, and they made me sad at first, then happy, because you have so much to give. The people who know you have :h for you.

I hope I am not speaking out of turn, but I have read lots and lots from you and you are a truly inspired lady, who can help a lot of people just coming to terms with this... shit ( sorry ). But it is just shit, and I have been silent, just reading and reading, and I feel I have the ammunition to fight this now, with the help of people just like you.

Thank You Chrysalis. :l

Em
x

[GratefulEm]

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Chrysa, my dear. We're the baby boomer generation - we're forever young. Don't try to fight your addiction - make friends with it! Take it in and also take in all the wisdom of this board and the MYO program.
Keep plugging. I too feel hopeless at times and wonder if I really want to change these patterns. Wine is wonderful, it really is. Generations and centuries of humans have enjoyed it. We have some deep wounds related to our children. You need to come to Cape Cod and visit me and go for a long walk beside the ocean.
This is and invitation! We can even go to lunch and have wine if we want. What we really need to learn is how to make wine our friend and not abuse it. Write to me, I'll write to you. Em