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[C]

Hi everyone, dear ones,

Campers post really got to me. Here goes...bottom line ....I am afraid that I am too old to quit; that the habit is too ingrained. I began drinking regularly in my mid-late twenties. In my thirties I was pregnant & raising my angels & so busy, so maybe did not drink that much..but we became wine connossieurs..oh, you know the cool interracial couple down the block ... whatever ..my husband was never a drinker ..thank God & came from a so much healthier birth family...

Anyway I am now 60!! Yes, I know..yikes...old..for sure..

Feel very young in my psyche..have some, getting worse, knee & hip aches from former athletics (I hope that's what it is!). But of course reality has set in re: awareness of wear & tear on my all of my internal organs.

Oh Lord..where am I going here...OK.. 30 year ingrained habit..of drinking wine nightly..and now I imbibe in vodka or scotch for the physical pain... and I hate to tell you ...BUT it works...sorry...I mean for the physical temporaty pain relief...

Don't get me wrong.. I am sick of feeling like sh--- due to the drinking and I AM SCARED.

There is a part of me that wants to live long..to experience grandchildren & I have recently come to love the beauty of nature & the planet & take pictures....but I am so very, very, very, very tired of life's struggles...been scared & crying all day...

Not because of what Camper said ...that just triggered my tears...I'm sorry...

Well that's it... got it out...so strange to do so....oh well...and advice?? Oh God...~C

[Newyear]

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Hi Chrysalis-
It is never ever ever ever ever ever too late to take care of yourself....Never. You cannot give up. You have so many good things in your life. It is easy to get overwhelmed and think you should just give in but I think that is why so often the best advice is to take it one day at a time. If your hips ache- find an alternative - ice, heat, aspirin, ibuprofen...chocolate!! Anything but alcohol. Drinking is not good for anything - it just isn't.
60 is not old ...ok, it's not 20, but it's also not 90! I think the drinking wears us out and makes us feel even older than we are.
ANyway...no, you cannot give up and give in to this! Now you have to fight even harder! Are you exercising? Adding a little exercise can do wonders - just a little to start.
Please don't give up! You are such a wonderful person - you deserve to be happy and to feel better than you do right now.
:l Lisa

[C]

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OMG -- hubby at Bible study; new pup in crate asleep; just looked in an old drawer & found an empty bottle of smirnoff black cherry --OMG -- I don't remember from when??? . Come to Jesus moment??? Oh dear Lord. Don't know whether to cry or laugh..since I just posted...not used to true confessions...

[C]

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PS -- I hate my icon -- too bright --will change it soon

[fsophiah]

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Chrysa, I'm 58. I had the same fears. Exactly the same. Why bother now? Well, the one reason that became very clear to me was that I didn't want to hate myself anymore. It was that, pure and simple. Go back and read RJ's book again. That was so me that I was embarrassed. I knew I was different from other people, and I didn't want to be. I wanted to sleep through the night and not have that--you know what I'm talking about--4 am thing where you try to remember what the plot of the last t.v. show you were watching was. And guess what? I got younger looking.
Love, darlin'
Sophie

[lushy]

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Chrys, while I understand totally your mindset (because I worry I have been doing this too long to really ever moderate or abstain forever) I agree with Lisa. I have not read it yet but have you read Allen Carr's book "How to Quit Drinking The Easy Way" (or something close to that). It is supposed to change the way we view alcohol. Maybe that will change something in your mind. I am sorry you are in a sad place but I do completely empathize with you.......

[middlepathpilgrim]

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Chrysalis,

I too was moved by Camper, but it a different way----my mom committed suicide when i was 15--and I'm finding it hard to stay on this side of the grass myself. I'm now a mom at 45 and wonder at what my mom went through when Valium was passed out like candy and hysterctomies were done like there was a prize. So much more compassion I have now.

It's a new year, a new time and there is alway, ALWAYS a tomorrow for you. One of the most wonderful days I've had was with my 94 year old grandmorther who fought, laughed and loved all the way.

Don't stop ever growing. There's this nonsense that it's all over at 30. Well, at 45 I'm still learning and damn glad to have the company of older women like you.


Write more!

Gloria

[YoungAtHeart]

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Hey Chrysa,

My heart is aching for you right now. Your honesty is very moving, and I appreciate it. Many people have used alcohol to medicate pain, and I hope that medical professionals have an alternative to offer you.

I'm sending good vibes and prayers your way, love.

Hugs,
Kathy:l

[just h]

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Hello

Okay, I'm only 33. I have been battling binging and just drinking hard with times of abstinence and moderation in the mix. So, I know I can find a medium, maybe. If I can't I will settle for abstaining which will be difficult with Hubby and his buddies and fave nephew and such. Right now I'm just drinking hard. I applaud you for you honesty. Like a previous post you said a good cry may help. I have been trained since a baby not to cry or show negative emotions. So a good cry for me has happened few too many times. My Mom who was raised in a semi normal family always found it wierd I never cried growing up. Okay I cut myselft and/or ate a lot and/or starved. I realize now that a lot of my problems is how my Dad's family was raised. Some of my cousins and I have the same issues--from the same family as my Dad's. I am also adopted. I think I read something about you saying your hubby and his birth familly. Are you adopted? Sometimes we have a ton of other issues do tackle. Like abandonement? I deal with some of these things to this day(I'm an adoptee). I always fear that those who may say the love my adopted family has for me may just leave at a moments notice. Maybe it's just because I wasn't breastfed or those who had me as soon as I was birthed(foster parents) didn't touch me as much as I should have been handled as a baby? Who Knows? I have read lots of articles on Adoption.com that say maybe our issues are real and have consequences. Okay, enough said. I just hope you find hope during these rough times.

I hope personally that it is never to old to quit. I'm only 33 and getting help. I think(hope), it's rough no matter what age you are. Huggss to you. I adore my Mom. She doesn't drink or anything but I think the world of her and she always has hope for me. So, keep the hope up no matter what.............:l

[C]

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Oh Dear Just H,

This is the hand-of-God....I am not adopted ,..but my husband is!!!! I applaud YOU & thank you so much for writing & reaching out. Can't write much more now due to tears, but I will talk to you soon. You may be right..good cry prob helps. We must talk about the adoption thing.... my husband is healthier than I am...I can tell ..you are fine & beautiful...meantime...thank you so much...Luv~C

[xtexan]

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Hi Chrysalis:

I'm 50, and started drinking at 16. Was drinking over a fifth of whiskey a day by the time I was 18. I quit over a year ago. Not easy. But worth it though. Booze made me feel like I was 70 I think. I had terrible problems with back pain, and some arthritis. I started using Vicodin mixed with my booze about 5 or 6 years ago. A few times, I got paralyzed from booze and pills, and had to fight to keep from passing out, puking, and worse.

Anyway, I do not believe you are too old to stop. You may want to PM Irishlady, as she is close to your age, and seems to be doing well at over 3 months sober!! She could probably tell you many things that I could not.

I can tell you for sure, that I now feel 20 years younger now. Even after over 30 years of drinking, it can be done. The booze kills pain for a little while, but puts back 100 times what it takes away. Not worth it.

Be well.

Neil

[Cashregister]

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Chrysa,

You will get there, and 60 is not old. You know you have a problem, and that's more than so many others (My adopted mum is 72 and still bolting them down occasionally - age has slowed her). I drank for pain relief too, and also because I have a vocal cord disorder where they go into spasm and alcohol made it so much easier to speak - very dangerous when you feel the need for a glass of wine every time you need to make a phone call.

Remember, 60 is not old, and it's never too late. Your granchildren are going to love you so much, you are a lovely person. My daughter loves my mother, slip ups or not.

take care

Cashy

xxxx

[vinophile]

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Chrysa,
Your post was wonderfully honest and I thank you for that as there are many similarities between us.
I, also, picked up my drinking in my twenties and then cut way back in my thirties when I was having children and raising them. Now, at 50, my social life is so intertwined with wine drinking that quitting seems to threaten my whole being. It's as if my drinking is a huge tree growing in my front yard. To get rid of it not only do I have to chop it down, which seems easy, but I have to pull up the roots as well. To totally quit I must pull up the roots of my life, which at times seems daunting.

On a more positive note I know that it's possible. I just saw an interview with Jane Fonda,who quit drinking at age 68. She says she is sober now for 2 years and it has made a great difference in her life. Betty Ford got sober at 60. There are so many more and it helps to know we are not alone.

Irish Lady's posts are great. She has such a positive attitude. If I feel overhwelmed or that I can't do this I look up her posts and immediately feels strengthened.

Although I'm not a grandmother yet (thank goodness my son's are still too young) I can hear my future daughters-in law saying "we can't leave the kids with your mother. She might get drunk" The ghosts of my future haunt me and will hopefully show me the right way.

Know that we are in this together.

Janet

[sammys]

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Now I have heard this on Oprah that 40 is the new 30, 50 is the new 40, and 60 is the new 50. According to them with what we know today this is true. I also believe it , we can all be 10 years younger looking and feeling just by taking care of ourselves. I know it is easier said than done. I know you can do it.

[Popeye]

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Hi Chrys

I am 45 and I often feel much, much older.

to everyone else here,

Thanks for all your posts.

They always help me.

I wish I could help you.
Love