When i was an active problem drinker (yes alcoholic) i was working two jobs and very functional. I was still in the denial stage. One of my coworkers was a recoverying alcoholic who had lost everything, his wife, job, home. He was very open about his problem and i used to think what a loser. One day my boss told me that this coworker had a beer on fathers day and he was devastated. WHAT THE HELL i thought, he had one drink and that was so upsetting. How could he be upset about one drink i thought. Here i was drinking everynight til i passed out and he was upest about one drink!?
Well now i know what he was thinking. That one drink leads you right back to hell. He knew it and luckily i know it. Tomorrow i am 10 months AL Free and i do know that i can never even have 1 drink. It is no longer upsetting to me, i actually feel free. Everyday I feel stronger. I have been put thru absolute hell since New Years and I have made it thru this. It is not over yet, but i do know that at my darkest hours when i thought i could not take this anymore, when i thought i would need to drink to get thru this, i found amazing strength.
In the last 4 years of my drinking, i used to pray to God to lead me from this hell of addiction. I was still functional with a great job, my own home and no one knew what kind of hell i was living in. After a horrible humiliating experience last March i finally found my strength to do this. I used that experience to reinforce why i could never drink again. I have worked so hard these past 10 months to learn how to live again. With God, Smart Recovery and this website i have found peace and sobriety. I will work everyday for the rest of my life to fight this battle. And no, I can never ever have even 1 drink. And thats just fine with me.
Well now i know what he was thinking. That one drink leads you right back to hell. He knew it and luckily i know it. Tomorrow i am 10 months AL Free and i do know that i can never even have 1 drink. It is no longer upsetting to me, i actually feel free. Everyday I feel stronger. I have been put thru absolute hell since New Years and I have made it thru this. It is not over yet, but i do know that at my darkest hours when i thought i could not take this anymore, when i thought i would need to drink to get thru this, i found amazing strength.
In the last 4 years of my drinking, i used to pray to God to lead me from this hell of addiction. I was still functional with a great job, my own home and no one knew what kind of hell i was living in. After a horrible humiliating experience last March i finally found my strength to do this. I used that experience to reinforce why i could never drink again. I have worked so hard these past 10 months to learn how to live again. With God, Smart Recovery and this website i have found peace and sobriety. I will work everyday for the rest of my life to fight this battle. And no, I can never ever have even 1 drink. And thats just fine with me.
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