APOLOGY

[Struggles 106]

Hey All

I just wanted to apologize. After thinking about it
I felt kind of bad about saying something to Dove
several days ago
I'm afraid I was too harsh. So please forgive me for
that.

Have a great day

[DriftyAlison0]

APOLOGY

Hopefully Dove is still going strong. I feel kinda bad to, but the thing is, if she was posting like that, of course there would people posting like that and if she didn't need the advice then she should have put it on the first post about her intentions.

[Cinders]

APOLOGY

Ann,

It is difficult in a virtual group to always say and do the "right" thing.

Dove did not want to hear that she/he was using the spam as an excuse, which is what it felt like to me, also.

However, we do not truly know what Dove was thinking or feeling.

I step on things a lot, myself. It will happen again, even though my intentions are always the best.

Cindi

[red67]

APOLOGY

Ann i dont think you need to worry about this. You apologized to her already on her thread. I too believe she was using to the spam issue as an excuse but only she knows in her heart for sure. Without speaking to that situation specifically, i do believe there are a lot of people in denial about their addiction. They come here and post after a horrible experience and everyone jumps in and tries to help and support them. Then when a little time passes and the AL thinking starts again they disappear. I know it is a tricky rotten addiction to have. I played those games with myself for many years thinking I could handle the drinking this time. After all most of us dont have the crippling embarrassing situations everytime we drink. So we trick ourselves into thinking most of the time we can handle it, it just those times that it gets really out of control that we need to work on.

Until a person is absolutey ready to commit and work on it there is really nothing we can do or not do that will fix them.

You are a good person with a good heart fighting this battle with all of us. You did not mean harm. And hell sometimes we all need a good kick in the pants to get us off the pot.

[Nelz]

APOLOGY

There is NO way, that spam, could ever get in the way of trying to get some help. Its just a bunch of useless words, that all you have to do is ignore(thats the beauty of the interent, dont like it, dont loook)


IMO there was other underlying issues that were bothersome, and not just because of your post. There could be ANY number of reasons that she has not returned. We all offer up advice, and if it "hurts" someone, well, I think that is the risk we take. To my knowledge, nobody is a trained helper, and nobody is getting paid. You were not trying to make her feel bad, just to see the light the way I saw it.

We offer help, suggestions, and support and people can take it or leave it.

You allllllllright in my book Red!

[MWOLady]

APOLOGY

And don't forget some people are really tender and get hurt very easily - every little thing gets them going. And they flee. So Ann don't worry about it. You've said you are sorry. So move on, honey. And get another AF day going on!!

[mario]

APOLOGY

Ann you apologised already, As been said its sometimes very hard to come across here on a forum without seeing the emotions behind whats written,Time to move on and look after oneself as at the end of the day its you that's that the most Important person here ;-), Hopefully dove comes back if not its always the posters choice no one else's.

[nancy]

APOLOGY

presumptions

I have to say that those responses to Dove struck me as very rude and presumptuous. But Ann apologized on the thread and apologized quickly. My impression of the story of leaving due to spammers was that Dove is inexperienced with the Internet.

[red67]

APOLOGY

Hey Nelz, thanks!!!! One thing I learned in counseling and thru Smart Recovery was to get real, stop being/playing a victim. Drama, lying and manipulating are a huge part of addiction. If we can't be honest with ourselves about our problem how in the hell are we going to be honest with other people.

No one can make another person sober if they themselves don't want it. No one can make another person drink or fail either.

[rubywillow]

APOLOGY

Ann, this kind of thing happens often here. IMHO, it's always best to handle hurts and disagreements off the threads. People with AL problems ARE notoriously thin-skinned, quick to strike out, sensitive, but I've also read we are artistic, introversive, creators. It's done. We move on. Guilt, regret, recriminations only create a more volitile and diversive group.
MWO is touted as non-judgemental, but we are human. You've made your apologies for an incident I have no knowledge of, so let this all go, please. When we invite discussion by posting for advice, we all must remember we're humans asking humans, and the answers may not be what we want to hear, just an opinion. By not taking it personally, yet learning from it, we gain. Engaging in slinging insults ends badly in any life situation, again just MHO. I wish the best for all involved.
Ruby

[techie]

APOLOGY

Ann :l:l:l:l

[Supercrew]

APOLOGY

Don't worry about it Ann. I was probably just as guilty. When I reread some of my posts I realize I might come across to some as the "sobriety nazi". The farther I am removed from drinking the harder time I have putting myself in the other persons shoes.

I needed tough love, but most of it was doled out by me and my wife. When I finally found my way to a forum I was on my last legs and I was ready for a change. As soon as my research started on how I was going to quit I had already bought in that it was my time. As I read that you had to do it through a specific program or you would fail I disagreed and all of the sudden staying sober using my own method became a true quest to prove that specific program wrong. Then it became a competition for me. But somewhere during that competition my mindset changed and I realized that I really enjoyed being sober and healthy. It's almost like I got sober in spite of a program and it stuck.

We are all indivduals, and we all react to different motivations. Some people need a pat on the back others need a kick in the ass, and making the choice of whether to pat or kick over the internet can be a tough decision. If Dove is drinking again it's not your fault, she had basically said that was her intention, and being called out on a forum isn't always comfortable, but sometimes a negative reply is what will make someone reevaluate how honest they are being with themself.

[nancy]

APOLOGY

tough love

Supercrew is right. Some people respond to tough love and others need a gentle touch. I for one do not believe in tough love and have a bad reaction to it. I still think we need to consider here that there was a misunderstanding. Dove didn't even call it spam, so to me that suggests she didn't really understand what it was. She was alarmed by all the weird posts. It is possible right? We have some members who are unfamiliar with the internet and can barely navigate the site.