Trying to decide whether to continue with MWO...

[Dipsa]

I started the MWO program in November with high hopes, excitement and lots of optimism. Finally here was something that just resonated well with me and felt RIGHT. I'm usually very skeptical about any kind of plan or program but I went ahead and started with the supplements and CDs while waiting for the Topa and did everything by the book. It worked beautifully for a while and I was thrilled to truly want no more than a drink or two a day.

With holiday stresses came a few slip-ups, but nothing major, so I stuck it out, but now I'm really depressed all the time, drinking a lot more than I'd like to, approaching what I was doing before and unable to abstain. While I'm happy to be still drinking less than I did before MWO, without those wretched hangovers, it's still more than I'd like and I just don't like these dark moods, tiredness, and hopelessness, which may be a side effect of the Topamax, or may be just me, I don't know. I'm up to 200 mg Topa but as of today am going back to 175 mg, next week to 150 mg, etc. etc. to see if it helps with the depression, and try to increase the exercise as well, although available time is a prohibitive factor. Some of you will probably advise talking to an MD or mental health professional about this, or trying to go AF, but I have not been able to get myself to do any of these things...

I'm going to stick it out--I'm not going to flush the Topa and head for the pubs, but I keep feeling discouraged, like I haven't been able to make it work and will have to return to that downward spiral that was my life before...

[Dipsa]

Trying to decide whether to continue with MWO...

Thank you, Fan!! That is very sweet, and very encouraging! Refreshing perspective and just what I needed. I'm so glad I finally posted something and that you wrote what you did! Thanks!

[Popeye]

Trying to decide whether to continue with MWO...

Good point Fan.
There is more to life than drinking or not drinking. Though that may be the common theme for all of us here, I like the way this MWO site offers people the chance to make it more than a basic counting excercise.
Dipsa, I hope you make it to where you want to be. You seem like a very good person from what I have read.

[mic]

Trying to decide whether to continue with MWO...

Also if you have cut back this must be progress. Somone said that many years of over drinking will not be wiped out straight away for many of us - I am looking at trying to string a few A/F days together at a time and build on that- baby steps.
mic

[Accountable for Me]

Trying to decide whether to continue with MWO...

Hang In There!

Dispa, hang in there sweetie! These moods are only temporary. You are aware of where you are heading and that is half of the battle. Fan is such a pearl of wisdom, and what he said is so true. You should feel proud of yourself for reaching out. (and is that pic really you? OUCH - HOT!).

[Mackeral]

Trying to decide whether to continue with MWO...

Excellent point Fan...I often confuse the two..

And Best of Luck Dipsa..I hope you stay

[Dipsa]

Trying to decide whether to continue with MWO...

That's Oscar Wilde--he was hot if you're his type...I guess I look sorta like that with beer goggles on LOL...thanks for all the good words so far, everyone...

[Accountable for Me]

Trying to decide whether to continue with MWO...

Oscar Wilde?

LOL. I am such an ass! I hope I at least got a laugh out of you!

[Dipsa]

Trying to decide whether to continue with MWO...

Accountable, you are no kind of ass, you are very nice, and I love your cool cat!

[middlepathpilgrim]

Trying to decide whether to continue with MWO...

Dipsa,

I too did well for about a month on Topa, then seemed to slowly fall back into old ways. I'm on the Campral now and feeling again, enthused and focused. Do you think that the Topa is making/prolonging the depression? I'm still battling SAD, but as I've said, feeling much better.

Please do remember, it's the journey not the destination. Don't set goals to knock yourself. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. That's all anyone can, really.

"The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for."

Not my favorite quote of Oscar's, but will have to do for now.

Much love,

Gloria

[GratefulEm]

Trying to decide whether to continue with MWO...

Do hang in there! I had trouble with the topa - that stuff was evil for me. So I started back at square one with buying more supps and trying that approach. This is not an easy journey to overcome such a powerful addiction. I have my very good days and some bad ones (when I do wake up not feeling so great). But what keeps me coming back here and continuing to try is that I DO want to beat this. I only just started the hyno tape this evening and I've had it for over 5 months. So, keep posting and trying. Em

[narilly]

Trying to decide whether to continue with MWO...

Hang in there Dipsa, it is so easy to get bummed out!
I have been taking the topa for a month now and my tingling arms are driving me crazy. I keep wondering if it is really worth it. I have only totally lost it once in the past month which is unbelievable. Thank goodness for that. But I can see how easy it is to slip back slowly into the same ways. A little wine at each meal...then a little more after supper and pretty soon it is every night again.
Keep reading the site, exercise and take the supplements. I think that all helps, oh and the cd's.
I love your advice Fan. That was great.
Take care.

[ButEmilyLovedHim]

Trying to decide whether to continue with MWO...

He Was very Hot ..

Yet his chacter Algernon, is very much how I feel I am. In that he lies and cheats, in order to get away from the hard graft of real life.

" Algernon can feign piety and dedication, while having the perfect excuse to get out of town, avoiding his responsibilities. He calls this practice "Bunburying."

I have read that out of my old O level English Book - also what sticks in my mind is Lady Bracknell harping on about Jack losing his parents and being found in a Handbag!!! On the Brighton Line !!! " To lose one is misfortune, to lose both looks like carelessness. "


So now, when I have strayed afar from the wagon, I shall have been ' Bunburying ' .

And don't you go Dipsa, because otherwise I wouldn't have been reading classic English Lit books.

:happy:

Em
XoXoX

[middlepathpilgrim]

Trying to decide whether to continue with MWO...

" To lose one's parents is misfortune, to lose both looks like carelessness. "

After a few family passings, many friends were all "Oohhh such misfortune! Such curses!" That quote has always made me laugh and is one of my faves! Had a hard time keeping a straight face!

Here's another Wilde One

"Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative."

The man might have had a hard life, but he did have a fun outlook. (In respect, of course).

Thanks, Emily. Might crack open something other than the brain floss I've been reading lately. I'm being very careful about what I put between my eyes, nothing morose. Read David Sedaris' Santaland Diaries and was laughing so hard I cried! Very funny stuff. Think Oscar would have approved.

See Dipsa?! You are an inspiration.

Gloria

[1234mwqv]

Trying to decide whether to continue with MWO...

I haven't heard of Topamax causing depression but I'm not a dr. Make sure you are taking the vitamins. At least the All One. It has such a wide range of good-for-you supps in it and you will feel a difference in your energy level. Could your "depression" be boredom? I know that I have a little trouble finding a substitute for the place and time in my life that was filled drinking. I think the exercise will help. I am trying to do the same for me instead of sitting here in front of the computer. Good luck. Let us know how you are doing and if you find something that works, let us know.