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    #1

    TUESDAY UPDATE

    Hi guys-
    Accountability! Here we go. All is well.

    THought I'd share the anatomy of my slip. To wrie it out helps me understand it.
    SO>>>> My company campus has 3 buildings for various functions, and when out of town people come here the evenings are a bit of hoopla, as in "Bob's here this week-meet us at the Ale House" and so on. I quit going, stopped in and had water once or twice due to a management conversation. As I've said they stopped bringing me beer automatically.
    Then last Wednesday on my way out I ran into a guy from CA and ,having had a tiny thought of going out earlier that day, instead of chatting and going on i asked where ya goin? knowing the answer. SO I stopped by, the guy brought me the beer. A colleague said how doees that feel to have that beer after months? I had 2. Then other out of town people were meeting next door for dinner so ohyes I went there and had 3 more. Then when everyone is done and going back to the hotel-NO not me-I said Let's have ONE more!
    So we went back to the Hilton-very nice-fire going-big chairs, and then I had 2 or probably 3 more.
    About 9 or so I left. These people have no way of knowing that 2 blocks from my place is the ratty dive bar where the real drunks hang out. Of course i stopped there. A small group of drunks, I knew them, had a beer and a shot of tequila and only drank half. Wasn't that cautious of me?
    One guy in the group was a man I had picked up there long ago and brought home. He is now married to the bartender chick. He is disgusting. SOOOO another beer another 1/2 shot. Finally came home, opened another beer, swayed around like a moron.
    The whole thing is like a bad movie I was watching just to see what would happen.
    INSANITY

    Thanks for listening
    Tags: None
    #2
    TUESDAY UPDATE

    Sounds like quite a night. I hope you get past it and don't dwell on it too much, just learn from it. Take care, Ann

    Comment

      #3
      TUESDAY UPDATE

      You did what we've all done before but the difference is you put it in it's proper perspective and carried on with your goals. Great going.. acknowledge and move on!!
      Tipplerette

      I do this for my children, my grandchildren, my health, my peace of mind, and mostly for the opportunity to learn to live with my true, unfiltered, clear-headed, vulnerable self.

      "If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading."
      ? Lao-Tzu

      Comment

        #4
        TUESDAY UPDATE

        Oh, Ann that brought back memories - horrible ones for me that I don't bring up to mind very often - I actually ended up in a hotel with Mr. Creepy, rubbing my naked back....how the hell I got out of there "intact" I'll never know....Guardian Angel had his hand over his eyes but he was taking care of me nevertheless.....oh, and I did drive home too....oh dear

        But onward and upward eh? Memories like this can serve as a warning. There is a part of our brain that malfunctions when we shosh alcohol over it. That's it in a nutshell. It's not a moral failing. It's not a character flaw. It's just a fact of life.

        So we just don't slosh alcohol in there. Case closed eh? Thank you for sharing that here. It's valuable for newbies to read. God Bless you for your courage in getting back on track.
        Ask yourselves, would you rather be a non drinker with an occasional desire to drink or a drinker with a constant desire to stop doing it?
        (quote from Bean )

        Goal: Survival

        Comment

          #5
          TUESDAY UPDATE

          Let's look at this on the positive side. You really only made one mistake, you accepted the beer and drank it. Once the alcohol starts flowing the accountability goes out the window in my opinion. Once you are under the influence your good judgement is gone. Be happy that you recognised it the next day and got back to work on your plan.

          I used to fall in the trap all of the time of letting someone else sway me to have the first one. Now I know that all bets are off after the first one. Hopefully this can be your one last hurrah so to speak.

          I still entertain clients, and they still drink around me, and believe it or not many want to know why I quit. I used to dread these conversations, but now I have had enough of them I really enjoy talking about how I reevaluated my life and my goals and how alcohol doesn't fit in to MY plan. I can keep the message so positive yet so focused on me that many of the guys I talk with don't feel self conscious about it yet many are motivated to reevaluate their own life and health and make changes for the better, then they report back to me their results during our next get together. It has really turned out to be a reason that people look forward to and enjoy getting together with me over ice teas.

          Anyways, you are doing great! Keep it up!

          Comment

            #6
            TUESDAY UPDATE

            I agree with not accepting the first one, it's like all bets are off. I am reading Rational Recovery by Jack Trimpey and his theory is that addiction is the "beast" part of the brain that is only concerned with primal desires and urges. Somehow, when we first introduced alcohol, the beast brain loved the feeling so much that it now equates the alcohol desire with primal needs such as eating, breathing etc. Essentially, if we learn to recognize that voice as not ourselves, and not our true needs, then we can let it go.

            Anyway, in the book he says that as long as your beast brain has developed that yearning for alcohol, even a tiny bit of alcohol will put your rational brain to sleep and fire up the beast brain. That's why just one doesn't work for most of us.

            Comment

              #7
              TUESDAY UPDATE

              Good job, Ann. You see it for what it was, haven't treid to gloss it over, and now move ahead. I admire your honesty!

              Keep posting.

              TDN
              "One day at a time."

              Comment

                #8
                TUESDAY UPDATE

                Ann i think most of us can say been there done that. Good on you for telling us. I have many a story like that and it does nothing for our self esteem but to realise what we did i think is the main thing and i know i wont be doing anything like that again. I dont put myself in that situation anymore. It made me think of the past thought and not very pretty to think about. Thanks for sharing x
                AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

                Comment

                  #9
                  TUESDAY UPDATE

                  Hi Ann, I was tempted to say "honey, that's not so bad" BUT we all live our own realty and any slip when we have been doing so well is just awful. My slip happened after 6 years of freedom from AL. Although it was devastating I will NOT view it as a negative - I learned so much from it and I'm actually glad it happened. I'll never get tricked again. SO lovely Ann, onwards and upwards and feel proud about what you have achieved here! I've been watching your progess and I often really admired your tenacity. Hugs and praise, Amanda.
                  It is not what we do, but how much love we put into the doing.
                  Mother Theresa

                  Comment

                    #10
                    TUESDAY UPDATE

                    Thanks Everyone

                    I'm feeling a bit peckish-not sure why. I think that ONE drinking episode scrambled my brain a bit.
                    I found out this morning that there was a bit of trash talked about me the other day. I definitely cannot let that occupy any space in my mind. I'm moving on.
                    All I need now is to get back to exercise.

                    Just an aside-I've always felt like I don't deeserve my job and that I'm the least competent one there. But that's part of my self-loathing that got me in the mess of drinking in the first place.

                    There was the old me, then the new sober me, and it feels like now there's the in-between me standing here shaking my head in wonder.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      TUESDAY UPDATE

                      Hi Ann, I just wanted to tell you how much I admire your courage and honesty. I also would like to add that you are probably more deserving than you give yourself credit for. It sounds like you really care about your career and take it very seriously, which is a strong asset. Give yourself some credit...okay? Also, another plug for exercise is coming --- Exercise is the single-most, rewarding thing you can do for yourself in this journey, and I encourage you to get back at it.

                      That in-between person should be shaking her head it wonder because you are so AUSOME....you are so amazing and taking your problems head-on.

                      Comment

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