WASTING MY LIFE!!

[Tipplerette]

WASTING MY LIFE!!

You're in Canada, Sunshine, can we get Antabuse from a source other than our Doctor? Mine won't prescribe anything. I always thought drugs like that were for hard-core drinkers.

I really don't want to ditch MWO; I want to stay here and succeed. Thanks for your support. I appreciate it lots.

[Struggles 106]

WASTING MY LIFE!!

Hey Tips

I've said before that I try not to dwell on the past, but lately I've been reinforcing in my mind the stuff that was happening before October 2011. But wait-it wasn't "stuff that was happening" it's what I WAS DOING. Drinking drinking drinking. Things were getting bad and I knew it but still, looking back I'm amazed at how bad it was.
I moved into my current place Jan 2010 and thought it would be a new good start. Man was I wrong. 2010 was a train wreck of epic proportions.
I got sober and clean in Aug 2010 until around October. I met my bf during that period and not being a drunk he could not understand why I couldn't have a beer. When I started up again I think he quickly "got it". He is in and out of town by necessity so when he was gone I was worse, hanging out and drinking. He didn't see a lot of the worst stuff.

At any rate, after that long-winded tirade, it is hard but SO worth it. It looks like I dodged a bullet AGAIN with the slip last week but do not plan on tempting fate.

Hang in there!

[sunshine_gg]

WASTING MY LIFE!!

I ordered mine online, Tips... the site said it was in the States (I think) but it was actually sent from Bangladesh (of all places). Got here intact and in good time... I have no complaints.

[nancy]

WASTING MY LIFE!!

obsessive thinking

I think what you are saying here is that the MWO isn't really helping you achieve your goals. It's become another obsession. I think your problem isn't bad enough where you are forced by yourself or family to stop. Yet you hate yourself for not correcting it. You become addicted to the search for a cure. It's like a compulsive thought process. I have often thought lately that I need to step back from this site, for some of the reasons you mentioned. Also, I don't often see posts that are relevant to what I am trying to do. I often get engaged in depression threads. That I can relate to but largely from past experience because long-term psychotherapy has actually been successful for me since I joined this site.

So why come back? This compulsive pattern. I don't think it's that healthy to be honest, if you are not progressing or learning. If you are bookmarking things for later, that's a different story. I bet you reading about mindfulness and meditation would help you. We had a great thread on that in the holistic section and some people posted a lot of free podcasts. Check out Jon Kabatt Zin. But if you haven't meditated before, it might be best to get some in-person instruction.

Maybe you just have a lot of internal chatter. Meditation can help with that. I also think that you would benefit from setting small goals. If what you have been doing isn't working you need to try something else.

You are not wasting your life, that's for sure! If you think so, it's that negative thinking pattern you should work on, just my opinion.

[available]

WASTING MY LIFE!!

Tip your words said it for me too but i try not to obsess about not drinking, i try and get through the days and if i succumb to a drink then so be it, i have let me down, no one else just me. but being on this site has given me more AF days then i have had in a long time. 7 this month so far and i am proud of that and hope next month to do more. just go with the flow no one judges u if u fail here they are here to give support and help us get back on track. you are definitely not the only one wanting to give up thinking about drinking and just drink but its not really the answer. keep strong and keep on here tipps. i think it will hit me like a brick one day and i will make 30 days plus but at the moment i am not quite there but getting there.

[Saoirse & the wild horse]

WASTING MY LIFE!!

Tipp. I too obsess!! Whenever I decide to stay sober I obsess on why I shouldn't drink, and why I should drink! It drives me crazy ! It is even the case if I have not drank for a while and then go out for a night out and only have 3- 5 glasses of wine! I am a binger so thats not much for a night out!!!!!!
But i'l still fucking obsess over why I drank that 3rd or 5th glass or whatever , alcohol makes me crazy!!!!! But theres always the time when I binge and make a fool of myself! So I'm trying right now!!! Maybe you need a change of environment for a day or two! Get out of the house in the evenings go for a walk or the movies............ And stay here as posting helps a lot and people really care and understand too!!!!!!!!! GL tipp.

[CS04]

WASTING MY LIFE!!

Tipplerette,
I also have many of the same concerns as you do. I too have been on MWO for a very long time, and I love the friends I have made here, but it can also be obsessive. If that works for you when trying to get AF, fine. (Many people go to AA "90 meetings in 90 days" and that is one way to do that, if you want to go that route. It's not my choice but some here have embraced that choice.)
I spend some time on MWO (though not as much as in the early days) and have found some very good friends here. People who I call on a regular basis, to talk about family, husbands, job, house...all the issues of life, including AL. I am still struggling, but I know that without my friends here, I will never make it. Please remember that, and this group is here for you no matter where you are in the fight. Never give up. OK? If you want to PM me, that's fine. We're all here together.
xoxo CS

[Nelz]

WASTING MY LIFE!!

Daym Tip

I can feel the frustration in your post.......I truly do hope that you dont throw the towel in, this battle IS very hard, and a struggle.

I guess all I can add, is, try not to be so hard on yourself...and worry about the length of time you've tried. The point is you keep trying and that says a LOT.


Wishing you "more" strength, knowledge, and support than you could ever use.....Good luck, and please do keep trying, Yer worth it

[patrice]

WASTING MY LIFE!!

Tip,

Thanks so much for your post.. and all the great replies..
I totally understand you and my experiences, though different, mirror yours and loads of others

Take Care
Patrice

[Tipplerette]

WASTING MY LIFE!!

Ann 221;1250883 wrote: I've said before that I try not to dwell on the past, but lately I've been reinforcing in my mind the stuff that was happening before October 2011. But wait-it wasn't "stuff that was happening" it's what I WAS DOING. Drinking drinking drinking. Things were getting bad and I knew it but still, looking back I'm amazed at how bad it was.
I moved into my current place Jan 2010 and thought it would be a new good start. Man was I wrong. 2010 was a train wreck of epic proportions.
I got sober and clean in Aug 2010 until around October. I met my bf during that period and not being a drunk he could not understand why I couldn't have a beer. When I started up again I think he quickly "got it". He is in and out of town by necessity so when he was gone I was worse, hanging out and drinking. He didn't see a lot of the worst stuff.

At any rate, after that long-winded tirade, it is hard but SO worth it. It looks like I dodged a bullet AGAIN with the slip last week but do not plan on tempting fate.

Hang in there!

Thanks, Ann, it's those nights when I compulsively reach for the wine bottle even when my mouth is dry and I'm already buzzed that drive me crazy... usually in a party situation. Once we're on a roll, it seems to get out of control. I haven't puked in over a year and I will never puke from alcohol use again. I've reached that point in my journey no matter what. I am so glad that you have gained control over your habit. Inspirational...

[Tipplerette]

WASTING MY LIFE!!

sunshine_gg;1250887 wrote: I ordered mine online, Tips... the site said it was in the States (I think) but it was actually sent from Bangladesh (of all places). Got here intact and in good time... I have no complaints.

Antabuse is the drug that makes you very sick when you drink while on it right? Can you send me the website information. It's nice to have that tool at the ready.

[Tipplerette]

WASTING MY LIFE!!

nancy;1250892 wrote: I think what you are saying here is that the MWO isn't really helping you achieve your goals. It's become another obsession. I think your problem isn't bad enough where you are forced by yourself or family to stop. Yet you hate yourself for not correcting it. You become addicted to the search for a cure. It's like a compulsive thought process.

So why come back? This compulsive pattern. I don't think it's that healthy to be honest, if you are not progressing or learning. If you are bookmarking things for later, that's a different story. I bet you reading about mindfulness and meditation would help you. We had a great thread on that in the holistic section and some people posted a lot of free podcasts. Check out Jon Kabatt Zin. But if you haven't meditated before, it might be best to get some in-person instruction.

Maybe you just have a lot of internal chatter. Meditation can help with that. I also think that you would benefit from setting small goals. If what you have been doing isn't working you need to try something else.

You are not wasting your life, that's for sure! If you think so, it's that negative thinking pattern you should work on, just my opinion.

You seem to know me without knowing me, Nancy. I am a prime candidate for meditation and a stillness practice like yoga. Eckharte Tolle really reverberates for me. That voice (EGO) is constantly chattering up a storm. I had practiced shushing it but because of my wine sipping, often become numb to it all. I think while rebounding which I can do for a long time as it is hypnotic, I should turn the music and TV off for periods of time and try to clear my mind of all thoughts. That would be a start. I have learned a lot from MWO and credit it's people (you and the gang) for my on again, off again moderate behaviour in the past year. It does add value, that's for sure.

One of my big goals is to stop being on here so much; here and facebook. I work part time and have lots of free time on my hands. Imagine the stuff I am NOT doing... All I want is peace of mind.

Day One Completed.

[Tipplerette]

WASTING MY LIFE!!

available;1250924 wrote: Tip your words said it for me too but i try not to obsess about not drinking, i try and get through the days and if i succumb to a drink then so be it, i have let me down, no one else just me. but being on this site has given me more AF days then i have had in a long time. 7 this month so far and i am proud of that and hope next month to do more. just go with the flow no one judges u if u fail here they are here to give support and help us get back on track. you are definitely not the only one wanting to give up thinking about drinking and just drink but its not really the answer. keep strong and keep on here tipps. i think it will hit me like a brick one day and i will make 30 days plus but at the moment i am not quite there but getting there.

Available, you are gaining what I've gained from MWO; the ability to moderate. I am just tired of this issue being my primary focus on a daily basis. Moderation just isn't doing it for me. Physically, I am doing far less harm to my body than most on here but something inside me screams that I don't need the booze and it's keeping me from moving on with my life. If I manage to stay A/F, after a time I hopefully will go back to those golden days when booze was never on my mind.

[Tipplerette]

WASTING MY LIFE!!

Saoirse & the wild horse;1250933 wrote: Tipp. I too obsess!! Whenever I decide to stay sober I obsess on why I shouldn't drink, and why I should drink! It drives me crazy ! It is even the case if I have not drank for a while and then go out for a night out and only have 3- 5 glasses of wine! I am a binger so thats not much for a night out!!!!!!
But i'l still fucking obsess over why I drank that 3rd or 5th glass or whatever , alcohol makes me crazy!!!!! But theres always the time when I binge and make a fool of myself! So I'm trying right now!!! Maybe you need a change of environment for a day or two! Get out of the house in the evenings go for a walk or the movies............ And stay here as posting helps a lot and people really care and understand too!!!!!!!!! GL tipp.

You are absolutely right, Saorise, it does drive us crazy... this obsessive thinking. You are doing well I know from reading your other posts and I am happy for you. Your honesty on your threads is so refreshing.

We have a couple that have a side-by-side four wheeler like we do and they were big drinkers and tokers up until Christmas when they decided to give it up. They are wanting to hang out with me and hubby lately because of the 4-wheeler thing and the fact that we always have fun together. That is a good thing as they are both crazy fun sober and I know I am too. This afternoon we are supposed to go for a ride in the bush with them and rest assured there will be no alcohol involved. He, especially, is an inspiration to me as he is a wine connaiseur (sp) and has a cellar packed with expensive, "delicious" wines. I am dying to talk to him today...

[Tipplerette]

WASTING MY LIFE!!

CS04;1250937 wrote: Tipplerette,
I also have many of the same concerns as you do. I too have been on MWO for a very long time, and I love the friends I have made here, but it can also be obsessive. If that works for you when trying to get AF, fine. (Many people go to AA "90 meetings in 90 days" and that is one way to do that, if you want to go that route. It's not my choice but some here have embraced that choice.)
I spend some time on MWO (though not as much as in the early days) and have found some very good friends here. People who I call on a regular basis, to talk about family, husbands, job, house...all the issues of life, including AL. I am still struggling, but I know that without my friends here, I will never make it. Please remember that, and this group is here for you no matter where you are in the fight. Never give up. OK? If you want to PM me, that's fine. We're all here together.
xoxo CS

Thanks CS04, I am not ready for AA. Still in denial about my degree of alcoholism. I have a few acquaintances on here and was so pleased to see that some people would actually miss me if I left. It is a nice bi-product of my desperate thread. One does feel like one actually know people on here intimately at times. I think it's because we allow ourselves to be vulnerable here. Good place, this is.