feeling Vulnerable

[SK8RGRL]

hi everyone.Today is difficult for me.It was a year ago to this date that i ended up in hospital after an overdose.I just didnt want to be here anymore.My drinking had got steadily worse and everything seemed so bleak. I suffer with depression and low self esteem which gnaws away.I have a great partner and 2 great kids so I have no right to feel this way. I have done AA which helped a bit.But cant help wondering that the only reason members dont drink is because they spend everynight at a meeting.I couldnt do that.Thats why i am so grateful to have discovered this site.Today is day 4. I am very tempted to buy a nice bottle of red just to keep for if I feel I can just have 1, but i am scared.

[Beaches]

feeling Vulnerable

Congrats on Day 4 that's wonderful. Hold off on buying that bottle of wine until you are no longer scared. Keep trooping along. You are doing great!

[irishlady]

feeling Vulnerable

Hi Maxi, Welcome to MWO....Please, the thing which you should not do right now is to listen to that little voice telling you to buy that bottle of red wine, don't look on that voice as your friend, it will try to lead you away from the path you are trying to follow because it is very scared that you are going to cut off its supply of wine...It will promise you all sorts of things and strike all sorts of bargains with you...its already started, what did the voice say to you?.." Buy a bottle of red wine, just to have ONE " if you do that you will find out just how false a friend that little voice is...

About 15 months ago I managed to go 4 weeks without a drink, that was before I found this place......well after 4 weeks that little voice spoke to me and said, " 4 weeks, well done, your not an alcoholic, you can handle this, just have the odd bottle of wine, say, every Saturday night, you'll be ok..." well I believed the voice...STUPID, STUPID....within a few weeks I was drinking even more then before...I found this site last September and haven't had a drink since...It's not easy at first but it does get better, and I'll tell you what is one of the best feelings in the world....When someone offers you a drink and you say " No thanks, I don't drink " and you mean it...

Please keep on posting and reading other posts on here, and don't ever be afraid to ask for help because you are not alone anymore...

I wish you all the best..

Love Louise xxxx :rays:

[YoungAtHeart]

feeling Vulnerable

Louise is right, Maxine. That little voice is trying to seduce you. You might end us feeling worse about yourself if you listen to it! I've had to climb out of that hole quite a few times, myself. Try not to listen if you can!

All the best,
Kathy

[Flip]

feeling Vulnerable

Hi Max,

I suffer with depression and low self esteem which gnaws away.I have a great partner and 2 great kids so I have no right to feel this way.

You are blaming yourself for feeling depressed - stop it right now!!! Depression is a chemical imbalance and not your fault! You HAVE THE RIGHT to feel any way you do, because you do feel this way!

This is not about blame, or guilt, it's about getting well and strong. focus on all the good things and that bottle of red is NOT one of them..... I am not an AA fan, everyone raves about this program, I'm a fan of Campral and counselling. Just work out what's right for you.....

Love Flip

favourite drink - red wine, normal consumption - 1-2 bottles per night.....41 days sober!!!!

[Cashregister]

feeling Vulnerable

Hi Maxine,

Everyone is right - about the "voice" and about the depression. depression is an illness, I have it too - it is not your fault - that's the kind of thinking that makes depression worse.

The depression is probably contributing to that little "voice" as well. I drink to cover my depression and anxiety - so when the drink is not there I have to deal with the illness, and it's not fun.

But you can recover from depression, it is an illness. Have you ever tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? - it is a great avenue to get you thinking "right" as opposed to negative all the time.

If you can't see a therapist there is a great site on-line at the Australia national University which I have used in conjunction with therapy and medication - helps me everyday:

If you are interested go to....The MoodGYM Training Program

Take good care of yourself. I have also tried suicide and ended up in hospital on more than one occassion, and most of that thinking and downward spiral is now in check. You can get there, I know it.

Cashy
xxx

[SK8RGRL]

feeling Vulnerable

better today

Dear Cashy. Thankyou for such kind words. I am feeling a little better today.Yesterday not good for me.I have been having CBT but my course consists of only 6 sessions and the last one is next Monday-my birthday-great. It doesnt seem to be doing much for me.My councilor just reads from a hand-out that he gives us any way.(its a group of 6) I might as well just buy a book. Thanks for info about the web site.I will visit there now. Thanks once again for being there x x :byebye:

[just h]

feeling Vulnerable

maxineann1 wrote: hi everyone.Today is difficult for me.It was a year ago to this date that i ended up in hospital after an overdose.I just didnt want to be here anymore.My drinking had got steadily worse and everything seemed so bleak. I suffer with depression and low self esteem which gnaws away.I have a great partner and 2 great kids so I have no right to feel this way. I have done AA which helped a bit.But cant help wondering that the only reason members dont drink is because they spend everynight at a meeting.I couldnt do that.Thats why i am so grateful to have discovered this site.Today is day 4. I am very tempted to buy a nice bottle of red just to keep for if I feel I can just have 1, but i am scared.

Yes, don't let the depression go untreated. I did since I was a teen. I have binged on and off since I was 22yrs. My depression go really awful about three to four years ago. This last year was my breaking point. I got help with meds and now I'm talking to a psychologist. Find someone else to talk to. Maybe someone who can do one on one with you instead of a group of six. I don't think I could do the AF thing or attempt it if I wasn't working on the depression too. :h

[Rags]

feeling Vulnerable

Hi Maxine,
I think the others have pretty much covered what I was going to say. Take note of Irish lady's first paragraph. So true. Just remember that every night you are at AA you are constantly being reminded that you are an alcohlic and you are in the company of alcoholics. Not necessarily the place we want to be.
We want to be constantly reminded that we are abstainers. We need to be careful what we say to ourselves and how we respond to the self indulgent part of us that wants us to have a drink. Doing the guilt trip is not helpful either, it just lowers our self esteem ....and then we reach for the bottle.
Day 4. Great. Change your rewards for doing good things. Reward yourself with a bouquet of flowers to brighten up the house. They'll last longer than a bottle of wine, and the whole family can enjoy them.
See you later.
Rags