Afraid of backsliding....

[Robert]

Its been about 6-7 weeks since I quit drinking.........lately though I've begun to really miss it; I've even been dreaming about alcohol. I'm afraid that I will succumb. Its not like an overwhelming temptation, its more subtle.

Anyone ever been here?

[weemelonhead]

Afraid of backsliding....

yup..........EVERYBODY will have been there! I often read the posts on long term abstainers so I can get an idea of some of the thoughts/feelings that may crop up (of course we're all different, but research never hurts) and the guys there talk about triggers or feelings for the sauce months after they have quit. As you say, it isn't always overwhelming, but it can crop up, sometimes when you least expect...I have only been AF for 4 1/2 weeks, but feel 'that' urge sometimes at times when I would always previously have had a drink...I really recommend looking on the LTA forum that I've mentioned..those guys are just the bees noses!!!
And...the nice thing about that 'dream' is that if you spent the night without alcohol...it's one of the nicest nightmares you could have...I 've had a few of these and I really feel in my dream that I've given up giving up....so when I wake up with a clear head I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep going Robert...you sound as though you're doin' great!!

[Flip]

Afraid of backsliding....

You are not alone Robert. Iv'e been sober for 6-7 weeks too and it's my greatest fear. this is because last year I went 6 months without drinking and got too cocky. I thought I could handle "just one drink"... so much for that idea - back to the old ways within a week.

I don't have the cravings thanks to Campral, but I still THINK about drinking everyday, sometimes a lot! I don't know if I will succeed, but I really really want to, so hopefully I have learnt from last years experience and realise that I CAN"T drink ever again.

The biggest issue with that is that I feel so damned hard done by " why can't I drink like everyone else?".. why am I different".... I have thought long and hard about this issue and realised that if we put alcoholism into the same "disease" basket as diabetes, it is easier to deal with. Nobody pays out the diabetic for eating too much suger, they don't get shunned and stereo typed ...we are only alcoholics because we drank too much and our body doesn't cope with it... just like the Type 2 diabetic. So, now I tell my self, you cant drink because you are sick. Your body can't process alcohol, just like a diabetic... they can't eat suger because thier body can't process it........does that make sense?

Keep up the great work Robert, I'll see you at our 1 year anniversary!

Melon - where the hell did you get that picture????? lol

Flip

[Mackeral]

Afraid of backsliding....

Robert,
I know exactly what you mean, i managed 4 months last year, when i started feeling hard done by...Why can everyone else drink but me...I caved in...I went and bought a bottle of Rum..My favourite tipple...I nearly ran home with it...And do you know what...The fantasy that you build up in your mind of how great it would be to have another drink is all it is...A fantasy...The whole night i sat there regretting what i was doing..All the hard work in the previous 4 months..all ruined for 1 night and a cracking hangover...A night that i couldnt enjoy through worry and guilt...
It isnt worth it..Drink isnt all its cracked up to be..If i hadnt had that bottle of rum i'd be 8 months AF....as it is i'm on day 8..
Its not worth it.

[Rags]

Afraid of backsliding....

Mackeral,
I feel for you. Geez, why do we do it to ourselves? Knowing how it's going to end up... hung over, guilty etc etc. Then we chastise ourself for the next week. Not so great for the self esteem, and definitely not helpful in stopping drinking. What a merry go round! I reckon you're on 8 months and seven days.

Robert, yep, addictions are so subtle.... . Maybe ask yourself what exactly am I missing?
Be very kind to yourself, but be very unkind to that part of you that wishes you to relapse and give in.

[Accountable for Me]

Afraid of backsliding....

I had a dream about drinking last night and it was 'glamourized'. I woke up and thought it was real. Thank goodness it wasn't!!

6-7 weeks is a real accomplishment. You have come this far keep on trucking! Congrats!

[Breez]

Afraid of backsliding....

Hi Rob~

Sure I think about drinking-it's only natural since alcohol was included in EVERYTHING in my life for so many years! And then to abruptly stop- my mind went crazy. The cravings weren't bad but the BRAIN! The brain that justified a drink for everything...."you're bored, have a drink", "you have a tedious project, have a drink", "hey it's sunny outside, have a drink". GEESH.

I even missed the sneaking of alcohol from my family. And you know, the more I thought about missing alcohol the more I craved it. So I decided not to miss it anymore. I justified not missing it.

Like Mack said (who sounded like my hubby when he lectured me after my binges)....why do you drink if you know the repercusions will be bad? I know now that my next drink will just destroy all I've worked for (including trust from my family & in myself). We all want that next drink to be like our first drink...that awesome feeling. But we can't. Alcoholism is progressive & I no longer want to take the chance that my next binge could result in something far worse then I can imagine.

Hang in there...justify the wrongs & not the "fun" of booze & you'll find it easier.

peace

[Mackeral]

Afraid of backsliding....

Hiya Seabreez,
I shouldnt but i had to laugh....When you said about justifying a drink...It sounded just like me...Its sunny...Have a drink...Its too cold to go outside...Have a drink...Its the 14th...Have a drink...

And i beleived myself

[sammys]

Afraid of backsliding....

Mackeral you are so right about the it is just not worth it part. I think you are doing so great.

Sammys

[dilayne]

Afraid of backsliding....

Yep..I do drink about it too. I was watching a travel program on t.v. with my husband. They were showing a whisky tasting in Scotland and I could almost taste it (and my vice was wine, not even whiskey)...I told me husband that I had really enjoyed Scotch and soda when I was younger before we ever met (almost 20 years ago) and that I'd drink vodka and whiskey from time to time..I told him that I always have loved to drink. He reminded me that we wouldn't be doing that again though...I told him that I knew that...but I had a few moments of longing..and yes, romanticizing the idea. I have 3 months now (this time). About 16 years before I re-visited the spirits. :0)

[dilayne]

Afraid of backsliding....

ooops...freudian slip there ...I meant to say, I do think about it..not drink about it...LOL

[Rags]

Afraid of backsliding....

Hi Robert,
Posted last night but all the data was lost.
Can't remember all I said (Yep I was sober, but it was late).
Yeah, our brain can work in sneaky insidious ways. But at least we're aware of it.By switching our thinking to justify why we shouldn't drink rather than finding any excuse to have a drink ...it's 6pm, it's raining, I'm bored etc. which is what I've done for years, my mindset is slowly rewiring. And I do mean slowly! But not partaking in the dreadful daily merry go round of guilt, shame, remorse not remembering, etc is a great load off my shoulders.Hang in there.

Mackeral, my heart went out to you when I saw your first post. The anguish you must have felt. Done the same myself.... frequently. Then thankfully I found this site. I thought, no he's not back to day 8. He's really 8 months and eight days with a one day slip. You must be very proud of the 8 months AF. I am pleased for you, so please hang in and be kind to yourself.
Fran

[Mackeral]

Afraid of backsliding....

Hiya Ragnall,

Sad to say it want just the one day...I wish it was...after the Rum i drank once a month..And then every day the week before and the week after christmas...It was my birthday on new years day so i didnt attempt to go AF till the second...Hence why i am back on day 9...I was saying that the bottle of rum was the catalyst...

But thankyou for the kind words..I'll look out for you around the boards...Sorry to disappoint Fran...

[YoungAtHeart]

Afraid of backsliding....

Happy belated birthday, Macks! You are still our beloved Mackeral Man, slips or no! You have learned and grown so much during your sober times that you have earned a great deal of respect from all of us here! Happy day 9, plus lots of abs experience on top of that!

XOXOX,
Kathy

[Popeye]

Afraid of backsliding....

You kept that one quiet Macks
Hope you had a nice birthday.