Help!!

[Ilex]

:upset: Oh dear - my initial plan (before the New Year) was of abstain for a month and then mod - but since then I've been going through all sorts of indecisions about what to do - putting off AF'ing etc etc. I now think that maybe I could just mod - but know in my heart of hearts that I really need to AF to make that BIG change initially. I'm also making the excuse that I'm waiting for my supps and hypno to come first - don't know - really confused about the whole thing. Was really motivated about it all prior to the New Year but now that the time is almost upon myself I keep making excuses....

I've known that I've been drinking too much for a while but haven't really tried to ab or mod seriously before. I know I'm using it to cover up other things in my life and equally that I would like to ab for a while just to prove to myself that I can / get into some new habits etc.

I just want to feel motivated again - where's it all gone?

Ilex

[YoungAtHeart]

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This may sound a little dingy, but....

Okay, call me nuts if you want, but a number of people have had some trouble getting started on their resolutions this year, whether it regards drinking, exercising, eating better or whatever.

I'm not really experienced with astrology, just a bit of a fan, but this new year, the stars were not in great alignment for starting new things. However, get ready! There's a new moon coming up, and things are getting better in the next several days to begin new ventures, so pull yourself together to try again!!

For what it's worth, that's what I'm doing. Good luck.

Kathy

[Boo]

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Thanks Kathy! That gives me hope! Boo

[Java]

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I am feeling the same way Boo, I got my supps said i would quit and didn't so i am quitting friday and i have a doctors appt on monday to get topa, the supps aren't enough for me. I made sure I made plans all weekend so I will not have an opportunity to drink so i can go to my doctors appt clear headed. I have said I would quit everyday and not done, it, I know EXACTLY what you are going through right now. Every morning I say i will quit and then every afternnon i convince myslef why i should drink just one more day.

[Rocky]

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Newgrl

Me too...:>(

[Accountable for Me]

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Fear

The reasons why I had such a hard time in the past to quit was simply fear. Alcohol was such a HUGE part of my life and I was unable to do anything without it. It became my best friend. I could always rely on it. No matter what it would always be there for me (just didn't realize in the beginning that it was actually my worst enemy!).

I always thought alcohol soothed the pain, enhanced happiness and helped with the transitions in my life. Eventually over time I was sorely wrong, and knew it, but it was like a fly on glue. It was a part of me, so ingrained in my mental and physical self. I was so scared of letting it go. I got to the point where it completely controlled me and I was scared SHI*LESS to change!

Don't let your fears stop you. And like YoungAtHeart said, there are a lot of people on this board who have made commitments to do this, or do that, yet it is taking a bit longer than anticipated. That goes for the BILLIONS of other people in this world. Don't be too hard on yourself! Just keep in mind it is never a good time nor a bad time to quit. It isn't easy. If you want it bad enough, and have had enough of what it is doing to you, or the way you feel, you will eventually leave it behind!

[betty boop]

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Hi All,

I was where you are all for ages before I realised that I had a problem, Initially I cut down gradually, and made a promise to myself not to drink before 7pm, and other than one slip I kept to it for two months, Since then i've been AF (now on my 10th day). On my 1st day being AF i told myself that if I didn't drink I would feel soooo much better tomorrow in the morning, and I did!!! Each morning just gets better & better, I promise.

It really is worth all the effort, I've drunk every night for almost 20 years, even when i've been ill i've forced down the wine. My rock bottom was when I was on 3 bottles of red wine a day, starting at 7am on my days off, the last few years of my life are a bit of a blur, and I have a 9 year old daughter who I love dearly.

You can do it guys, the rewards are really worth the effort.

I once read a post from someone (can't remember who) that said 'Cravings never killed anyone, but alcohol does' ............... and it's true.

Lots and lots of love to you all Paula xxx :h :l :h

[YoungAtHeart]

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Okay, there Ilex, the stars are coming into a better alignment, and now there is lots more good advice from other members for you, too! Go for it!

Hugs and all the best!

[wwbarb]

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You know, sometimes you just need to do what you need to do and get motivated later. Grit your teeth, white knuckle it and get through the moment.

Every December we make all kinds of promises to ourselves that, come January 1, everything is going to change. We really feel strong and motivated. Then a few days pass, and the magic just doesn't work anymore. What happened???

We live in the age of instant gratification. We decide we want to change and expect it instantly. There are stages of change that we must go through, and it takes time - one step at a time. When we leap, we trip.

An article in the Washington Post stated "we expect instataeous change in a nanosecond culture. Yet we accept that other skills and behavior changes can take time to cultivate and integrate - learning to read, driving a car or playing the piano. Those skills take months, if not years, to master and often involve long hours of practice and instruction." It also states that many people who ultimately succeed in keeping their New Year's resolutions, by week three, have already slipped as many times as those who will fail. In other words, slips happen to all who try to make changes in their lives.

So, if you have vowed to be AF for January and have slipped, you could be on the road to ultimate success. Look at it as feedback, not failure, and you are sure to reach your goal.

[Ilex]

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Thanks Guys

Thanks Guys for all your support - I know that I need to take things one step at a time; but sometimes it's so frustrating I just want it all to be 'over' and a new life on the horizon. Then again maybe I am blaming too much on alcohol for where I am at - and that I need to concentrate on other aspects of my life too....
I x

[YoungAtHeart]

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Powerful words, Barb, and how true!!

[The Curse]

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Replacement Therapy

Hey Ilex,

first - we've all been there. The morning after the night before - how many of us have said "never again" until 6pm comes around and we think that we can force a drink down. The January 1st resolution to me is really an excuse to place abstinence in a convenient category that we can allow to fail if we want.

Second - my advice - and this is purely from personal experience is to find something to replace the booze. It doesn't matter what it is - but in my case exercising was a key part of finding something to replace the drinking time.

I met a cab driver in Seattle once who spent an entire journey telling me about this online universe that he plays games in - a subject that I found completely uninteresting - until he explained that it completely cut the amount of time that he had to drink. Which made perfect sense and changed my opinion.

Whatever it is - taking a walk, yoga, swimming in the morning, learning a language - there might be something for you that ends up being more enjoyable and more important than the drink. Exercise has the added benefit of making me tired in the evening so I can sleep properly.

For me- I had the beautiful experience of having a son. After looking in his eyes - I just can't drink like I used to. I want to be around for his future and to be sober for him. Best of luck.

[Mackeral]

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I couldnt agree more with The Curse ( cool name btw ). Finding an alternative is very important..Otherwise when it gets to " That time of the day " all your gonna do is sit there and think about drinking.
My alternative is fishing...Its difficult in the winter but when you get the long summer evenings i dont even think about the drink because i'm to engrossed in what i'm doing.

I wanted to say Welcome to The Curse aswell...Great first post...You sound like you know what your doing.

[Ilex]

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great ideas - thanks guys. The only thing is that I have been trying quite alot of 'different' things throughout the last year in an effort to help get me out of the pub - but then I can't 'be bothered' to go to the activities and end up in the pub anyway - maybe I am responding to cravings?
Anyway - I think that when I do AF it will definitely be something to do - find some more interests - maybe I should get on with all the decorating!!