Big Dose of Reality

[K9Lover]

As I near my dreaded 40 days AF, a time when I usually fail, I just got a big slap in the face, and the harsh reality of my drinking all came back.

My employer is sending me to a training class on February 15th to become a Notary Public. In reviewing my paperwork and getting everything ready, I noticed that I am required to disclose any and all convictions. DUI's must be disclosed. I looked up my cases (2) online and there it all is, in black and white. Every date I appeared in court, every penny I paid. It all came back, I was sitting here near tears. It's been 11 years, and it seems like yesterday. Jail time served, work furlough served, alcohol school...all of it's there. Over $20,000 spent. Interlock device on my car for 18 months. Multiple court dates. Over 159 "dockets", or updates/notes on my case. To be hired with the government, you go through a background check, so I'm sure I will "pass", but to go through all this again....I'm in a new department, and I hope I don't have to tell my new boss.

And here I sit, thinking that I want to drink? I literally feel sick to my stomach.

Alcohol will haunt me for the rest of my life.

[caper564]

Big Dose of Reality

OH K9,
that must have been horrible.. just reading your post gave me chills. i feel for you.. however i think if your boss is truly human he himself or herself has some of thier own demons in the closet. i would not worry too much about about it, that was 11 years ago. if it was last year then maybe. chalk it up to being young and careless.... he/she does not have to know that you still struggle with the addiction.

now having said that ;
I would say "suck it up, take it for what it was, accept it and deal with it like a grown-up" don't try to hide it. this was who you USED to be... celebrate that you are no longer that person and do not wipe out that last 40 days of sobriety. it's too valuable to throw it away on feeling sorry for yourself for your past mistakes.....

chin up..
caper

[Supercrew]

Big Dose of Reality

And here I sit, thinking that I want to drink?

Why?! You should be rejoicing! Because you know you made it through that hell, and you know if you continue on your path you will never have to go through that hell again. 40 days is great, and your past does not equal your future. Just because you used to lapse at 40 doesn't mean you have to do it now.

You are getting new training that will make you more marketable, which is great! Use the memories of the past as fuel to push beyond what you used to do. The harsh reality of your drinking didn't come back, you just got a glimpse of your past and nothing more. Be proud of your accomplishments and keep your head up and move forward!

[K9Lover]

Big Dose of Reality

Thank you Caper,
Just seeing it all over again made me want to cry. I felt like such a loser, and to think back to all the WORK it took to live up to my DUI's...I tried so hard to do everything right, and I DID...I am proud of that part. I sucked it up, paid the money, did the jail time, made every court appearance, gave my car a "blow job" for a year and a half!! I know some people that can't ever seem to get out of the "system" once they're in...so I actually do feel proud of myself for just handling my business, and I did it all by myself.
Thank you for your kind words
K9

[K9Lover]

Big Dose of Reality

Thanks Supercrew -
As I just posted to Caper (x post), I am PROUD of how I overcame that horrible part of my life. It made me sick to my stomach for a minute, but you're right, it's OVER. And I survived. And I don't ever have to go through that again.

[mama bear]

Big Dose of Reality

Oh sweetie......hugs!!!
and you are one of my heros...just so you know.

[K9Lover]

Big Dose of Reality

Thank you Mama!!! :h:h:h

I have a doctor appointment today with a new doctor...I was hoping to go in there confident and now I'm scared I'll be a blubbery mess. I'm only going to get a Depo shot...I hadn't planned on it being a big "I'm An Alcoholic" discussion. *sigh*

[mama bear]

Big Dose of Reality

If you doc is worth a crap he or she will understand.......'
and I agree you should tell your boss about this long ago major f-up you had...if one of my employees came to me,I would do everything I could to help......
Depo shot - yick...I have a friend that got HUGE on that stuff!
glad I don't have to worry about that anymore:H:H
Chemo has a way of "drying things up" -

[caper564]

Big Dose of Reality

K9Lover;1253452 wrote: Thank you Mama!!! :h:h:h

I have a doctor appointment today with a new doctor...I was hoping to go in there confident and now I'm scared I'll be a blubbery mess. I'm only going to get a Depo shot...I hadn't planned on it being a big "I'm An Alcoholic" discussion. *sigh*

whats a DEPO shot??

[K9Lover]

Big Dose of Reality

Mama-
My depo shot is for purely selfish reasons...I don't want "that time of the month" and the depo takes care of that! Lord knows there's NO pregnancy scares for me ever (my love life is DRIED up). And thankfully I haven't gained weight on it.
I hope I like my new doc, LOVED my old one, but thanks to insurance rates I had to switch. My new doc has my complete medical history, so if she's taken the time to read it, my fight with alcohol will be no suprise!

[K9Lover]

Big Dose of Reality

caper564;1253461 wrote: whats a DEPO shot??

Deproprevera is a form of birth control. It prevents your body from ovulating. No ovulation = no periods. That's my reason for taking it...I'm OVER periods. I hope this wasn't too much info!!!

[mama bear]

Big Dose of Reality

and it may be easier talking to a woman....at least it is for me....
DEPO is birth control Caper

[Wally22]

Big Dose of Reality

K9 my heart goes out to you. I still have cringe worthy memories that I would love to give a shot of Depo!
congratulations on the 40 days

[caper564]

Big Dose of Reality

HAHA, never too much info for me... i'm not fragile... I had my tubes tied on my last childbirth when i had a C section... thank god. but still have periods.. hate them ....i too am sooo over that..

[techie]

Big Dose of Reality

Congratulations on 40 days Niner. I admire your grit and determination. The past is just that, the past. Having the courage to admit the wrongs of our past history makes us stronger better people. I wish you all the best !

John xoxo