February Free

[mylife]

February Free

Good morning Febbers! It's supposed to be a Holiday for me today, but I had to come in for an hour due to a work "crises"! Argh.

Anyway, Nora - good plan taking the antabuse when you arrived. Sorry about your ears - that's the worst flying with an ear problem!

Bird - I have thought of that as well - but what I think is that people come to their own conclusions about their drinking. Maybe for some it's masking a bigger problem, and they'd rather just drink! Anyway, all I know is my life was becoming increasingly more miserable and almost every problem I could trace back to the AL - so I need it out of my life!!

Feeling really good and positive after the AF weekend.

Have a great day all!

[mama bear]

February Free

AF weekend for me too after f'ing up last week....
feel good , but trying to get motivated to tackle some closets...uuugghhh
then back to work tomorrow

[GingerDust]

February Free

Nora, glad to hear you are home safe. Sorry about your ear problem. Plane rides really aggravate my ears too.

SD, wow, what a work schedule! I hope you enjoy your day off tomorrow and get some down time.

Bird, I have been trying to quit since my 20s too. I don't know why some people do not feel the urgency that I have felt to quit drinking. Maybe the thought is so scary to them that they don't even consider it. A family friend, an obvious alcoholic, went through hell last year after an operation on his esophagus. He almost died, could not speak for months, was on tube feedings for months, lost a ton of weight, but as soon as he could swallow, he was swilling beer again. His wife talks openly about arrangements for when he dies because she doesn't think he is going to live long. He doesn't seem to care at all.

ML, sorry you had to go in on your day off. That would make me very cranky. Good on you for keeping your attitude up! I completely agree that the major problem in my life was always alcohol. It created a plethora of other problems, but I can track them all back to the bottle. Sometimes I just want to kick myself for not doing antabuse sooner. So much of my life drowned in the bottom of a bottle. But at least I have now. I guess that's all anybody really has.

MB, it's great that your weekend was AF! I hear you on the closets too. I wonder at my lack of ability to throw stuff away. It feels like torture to me, trying to organize things that are too numerous for the space they take up, trying to decide what to toss out and what to keep. Right now, half of my kitchen is on temporary racks in the dining room because I'm getting ready to tear the kitchen apart. It's just bizarre how many old packages and dusty canned goods we have, how many tupperware containers without matching lids, pans that haven't been used in years. How much worthless stuff is EVERYWHERE! Living with all that stuff makes me miserable, but something in my mentality makes it hard to throw away. I am determined that one of my gifts of sobriety is going to be getting my space organized because the clutter makes me crazy. I have one cupboard that requires caution when opening because stuff will literally fall in a cascade out of it. Surely a mostly sane, fairly intelligent, 50-something female adult can do better than this!

My two hardest things about staying sober is facing the "boredom" that exists because I haven't had a life in two decades, and impatience because I want everything (including me) fixed right NOW.

OK, sorry for the long ramble. I hope everyone has a good day.

[Unwasted]

February Free

Febbers, just a quick check in for me - busy at work today. Just sending support and a short update.....had dinner out yesterday with others who were drinking, but I stuck to my AF drinks. I was totally bored. I was telling my husband today.......drinking would have enabled me to get toasted and feel like I was having a good time, but really I would just have been enjoying being drunk. So, a dose of reality and the ability to handle it.......another hurdle jumped.

Have a great day everyone...........:lilheart:

[mylife]

February Free

Hi Again guys -

Ginger - I can so relate to the wanting everything fixed right now. YESTERDAY would be better LOL.

UW - Good for you on the dinner. I'm really going to work on myself for that one, as I think I would miss that the most. I did it last year when I was abstaining and it wasn't that bad - actually DURING the dinner it was bad but after I felt great. I think I'll just avoid that situation for awhile. Congratulations to you!!

MB - funny - yesterday I suddenly decided to grab some plastic bags and go through the closets/dressers. I got about 2 bags worth of stuff to donate and stopped. That was good enough for one day. It was wonderful to open a drawer this morning and not have things flying out of it due to being over stuffed! I found things I had forgotten I'd bought!

Have a great day all!

[GingerDust]

February Free

UW, that is really good insight you got at the dinner. It seems like part of drinking masked the fact that I was spending a lot of time doing things that bore me into a near coma when sober.

MB, that is two advantages to cleaning stuff out. You get to support charities and find cool things you forgot about. I haven't found anything cool today. Just a lot of mismatched plastic containers and dented up cookware. I did find half a dozen cork screws. Seriously, six cork screws. I guess subconsciously I feared facing the end of the world with one? But, if anyone needs a spare. :anyone:

But my cupboards are 95% bare now, so I'm on a roll.

[Unwasted]

February Free

Wow, maybe cleaning out our bodies is coinciding with cleaning out our houses - a metaphor for where we live in both instances! I just sent a truckload to Goodwill! Feels good, doesn't it?!

Ginger and ML, the dinners out are tough - not so much of a challenge to not drink but a challenge to find people actually interesting. This is going to sound terrible, but I just don't care too much about the minutae......for whatever reason I'm losing interest in the small stuff and am just content to be alone. Interestingly, I love coming here and hearing about people's lives and how they're dealing with alcohol.......interests me.....hmmm not sure exactly why that is. I'll have to contemplate.

ML, are you having any AB SEs? Do you notice anything at all? Mine just came to the post office today, so I'll pick up tomorrow.

Wishing everyone a good day. :lilheart:

[mylife]

February Free

Hi UW - I haven't noticed any SE's but I have to admit I've been taking a very small dose - I'm so paranoid after my Hubby's rant. Also, Sunshine GG told me she took 1/2 a pill and I'm so nervous about drinking or even being exposed to anything alcoholic it's working for me. So, I've been only taking a small dose but it's put the fear of drinking in me and that's all I need. Will I test to see if it's enough? NO!! I'd be too terrified. My luck I'd have a heart attack and that would be that. So, it's enough to put me off AL and that's the goal.

Really, I just want to rack up some days with this and then I plan to use it for trigger situations - like Family events and Holidays. LOL...Both of which got to me this year!!

[bird]

February Free

I went through that cleaning thing too! I was laid off for a couple years which made it easy to stay af most of the time. I would make a list each week of things I wanted to accomplish ( rearrange bathroom cupboard,etc) and do it...had a great time. Sadly when my job picked up everything went to hell again..

[Struggles 106]

February Free

Hey sober February group-

Sober and fat here in NC.
UW-I know exactly what you mean about the dinner thing. Everything was about drinking-including going out to dinner. It is strange,isn't it? It's like you don't want to think you find these people boring but without alcohol to alter things it's a different story.
I also like being alone. I think we both have become reclusive!

BTW I don't mention the bf much but he is a kind and gentle person. The day after the slip that I had back in January---the look of disappointment in his eyes was heartbreaking, though he would NEVER disparage me in any way. But still, he was no more disappointed than I. Going strong again though so I don't think much about it.

[NoraC]

February Free

Hello everyone....

ML - I was taking 1/2 pill every other day. Just keeping it my system. I'm going to go back to 1/2 a pill. I don't know if I'll take 1/2 a pill every day or every other day. But, if you keep taking it regularly , it's always in your system. So, no slips.

I have so much to clean up. Closets, closets, closets. Actually, we've been going thru stuff and giving it away or throwing it away. Really have to wonder why I kept some of this stuff. :H:H

Catch you all later......:h

[mylife]

February Free

Thanks Nora. I think a lot of people take the antabuse sporadically just to keep them stong. I noticed a post in a Dr.'s office I went to once that said "When in Doubt - take your antabuse" or something along those lines. Of course me being the Alcoholic noticed that little sign and made a mental note! LOL.

The main goal I've heard is to keep yourself abstinent for as long a time as possible and eventually it becomes your new lifestyle. I have to remember that it took me years for drinking to become a lifestyle, and it will probably take years for it not to be my lifestyle anymore!

I'm worried about the boredom at dinners and small talk etc. thing too that's been voiced here. Oh well, one step at a time...!

[Unwasted]

February Free

Good Morning Febbers,

Ann, so glad to see you here! You are absolutely right. We are definitely moving toward hermitism. But you know, here's how I look at it. For decades I partied and socialized - every single weekend. I think it's fitting that at this stage in my life things have changed and I'm on a more peaceful plane. And, I think being content with oneself is lucky, really. If we can't be content alone we're in trouble. I know all the "experts" say you need to socialize and I do a small amount, but I don't think we need all that much. I'm really happy this way and it definitely makes it easier not to drink. Oh, and I'm happy to hear about how supportive your boyfriend is; I remember you talking about that on another thread. Does he drink at all? Just wondering. My husband has cut way back but he never had a problem. But he does have one or two beers (at most) now and then. Luckily it's not bothering me to be around it. That was not true a year ago when I tried to stop, so something is working differently this go-round (thankfully).

ML, you know, even if the small talk is a bit painful I'm thinking a couple of things. First, I'll get better at it and it won't feel so uncomfortable after I've done it for a longer period of time. And, two, it beats a hangover and the misery of alcohol the next day. I just don't ever want to go back there. And, if putting up with some boring moments is what it takes, I'll do that. I'm going to do exactly the same as you with the Antabuse - use it for situations that feel "high risk" like vacations (for me). I think it's great that you can just do 1/2 pill. I think that's what I'll do too. I'm so chicken I wouldn't dream of testing it. Hell, I could probably get by with 1/4 pill :H

Nora, can you talk a little bit about why it's so easy for you to not drink when you visit your parents? Is there any chance you would ever move there? Just curious. Also, are your ears better? Did you have to put something in them to heal?

Bird, how long were you AF and how long did you drink again (after the job stress) before you started the Antabuse? And, how long have you been taking the AB? Sorry if you've posted this information before, but I missed it if you did. So I guess you're still at the stressful job?

Ginger....getting sober is really an eye opener about what bores us, isn't it? You know, if we had never known alcohol our lives might have been very different. I don't have any regrets because that's a pretty useless emotion, but it is sad to think of how much we squandered because we were so focused on having a good time. Oh well, better late than never I guess. The way I see it now is this: alcohol was hurting my body so dramatically and routinely, I think I would have given myself cancer if I had just kept on. Truly, when I think back on it, I was really doing some damage. I'm in repair mode now. Oh, and Ginger, you talked about boredom in your previous post. I'm putting a link below to the Toolbox, which has an article about boredom on the front page (I posted it a while ago). It's interesting and worth reading if you have time. Also, the guy you talked about who is killing himself with alcohol - I guess you know esophogeal cancer is highly correlated with alcoholism (I think it was Christopher Hitchens who recently died from it........he was an alkie too). How sad that your friend has to watch her husband self destruct.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

OK, guys, I really waxed and waned today.........

Sun, Mama and everyone visiting today............Hope you all have a wonderful day........

[sunshinedaisies]

February Free

Good Morning febbers - lovely post UW - I love it when one of us does a long post! It gives the rest of us such an insight into that person and I think also helps with any moments that cravings might hit. I had told Grangelady about L-Glut and she has finally taken it and started a thread about how wonderful it is - so if ever any of you need it..... although most of you are on Antabuse so probably won't.

I too started clearing out cupboards and closets! I wonder if it is the idea of 'clearing out everything' as we are clearing out our bodies. I have never been one for keeping stuff - I like things to be tidy and uncluttered. So, for me it was mainly putting stuff where it should go and making sure it was in it's right home. but I still had stuff to pitch/give to charity. I think it is great that others are doing the same....

No time to chat to everyone - have to get ready for a dental appt. have a wonderful day all of you and go us on being AF for Feb!!

Love, Sun XX

[GingerDust]

February Free

UW, I get what you are saying. If people were really honest and open, they would be a lot more interesting. That is one advantage of focused groups, I think. Often the people do not bother with small talk and get right to what's real. That kind of thing I can engage in more easily than discussions about the weather and that sort of thing.

Bird, it sounds like maybe your job stresses you out? It would make it tougher to wind down in the evenings if you've spend the first eight hours of every day stressed out. Hang in there though. You can do this.

Ann, fat here too. I'll deal with it later. I'm hoping that without booze calories, and the sedentary lifestyle that being an alcoholic requires, will help me lose some. It's great that you bf supports you.

ML, I've come to the same conclusion as you. It's going to take years to become a non drinker, even though I'm not drinking. That's OK with me.

Great post, UW. Thanks for the link. I scanned the first page but will look more closely for stuff related to boredom. I can't wait until it warms up enough that I can be outside more.

Have a good morning, everyone!