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    #1

    does anyone relate to this?

    I started this program a year ago and had "sucess" . I went for months of having about 15-16 alcohol free days.per month - But on the days I would drink - most of the time it was to excess. It would seem like the guilt and the hangover in the morning would be enough for me to give it up for at least a day or 2 and then I'd start again. One day on, one day off and the cycle would continue. It's like I was maybe subconsiously wanting to drink way to much, because I knew the next day I would feel sick, tired and guilty and then abstain.

    For the last 5 months, after not following the program religiously, I very rarely drink to excess now - but I drink almost every day (1 to 4 drinks) I can only manage about 5 days out of a month AF (last AF day was Sunday) Yesterday I had 3 drinks over the course of 4 hours. I am just trying to figure out why I can't have it be somewhere in the middle. Or, why I just can't flip the switch and abstain completely. It's like I can't give up an abusive spouse who is killing me - I keep going back. Any comments would be appreciated. Thanks, Samadhi
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    #2
    does anyone relate to this?

    Hi Samahdi,
    Been there, done that. I finally had to be brutally honest with myself. I am incapable of moderately drinking alcohol. Period. End of story. So now I am on day 12 of Abs and oh my Gosh do I ever feel better. Yes, I can go to some dinner party and only have one glass of wine, but I cannot do the same in my own home. It's because nobody is looking.
    Out there one has to keep up appearances.
    So, sit down and be very honest with yourself and ask: "Where do I want to be one year from now?" Do you want to keep the hangover rollercoaster in your life, or do you want to become whole again.
    That's all I have to say.
    Love Lori
    *Definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result* Albert Einstein

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      #3
      does anyone relate to this?

      Sam, for me, it was giving myself "one more day" or "one more weekend" - then, I'll start on Monday, or whatever. Then, I would let something come around on Monday and think, well, next week.

      In August, I quit for six weeks for the first time since I was pregnant. Then, my birthday came along and some other stuff. Then I said, October, I'd try again. No, that didn't work. How about November. Well, Thanksgiving was at the end. December? Christmas. January? Well, football. Just one more week, and I'll start.

      Actually, what you are doing sounds like it deserves congrats unless you have made the decision to go AF. If so, stand by that decision and let your actions follow accordingly. When you want a drink, ask yourself why. You don't drink until you drop, so it's not a physical addiction, so think about what is "missing" that you are trying to fill with a drink.

      Just my thoughts - I make it sound so easy, don't I

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        #4
        does anyone relate to this?

        i am the same way, I can only drink moderately if i am "under supervision"
        It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not.
        James Gordon, M.D.

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          #5
          does anyone relate to this?

          Been there done that. Found every exuse in the book to try moderation.

          Moderation is now no longer in my vocabulary. One drink = going back to my old ways (sooner than later).
          :flower: Change a life; make someone feel important. ................. ........................ ..................... ........................ ................. ....... sigpic

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            #6
            does anyone relate to this?

            Sounds all too familiar samadhi (good name . I'm usually one day on two days off though - feel terrible the next day, depressed the second day, then great the third day so I go and celebrate with a drink (or ten).

            I can do moderation too but I find it pointless, it just convinces me that I can control it and it will always always end up with a huge bender, the more I moderate, the further I fall off.

            I can't really offer you any advice cos it sounds like we're in the same place.. the supps do help with speed of drinking and hangover though.

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              #7
              does anyone relate to this?

              I'm right there with you. Out in public - no issues. At home - once I start there's a very good chance I'm not quitting until I eventually pass out.

              I'd love to be able to have one or two and then stop, but I'm too scared that my brain will want to fall back into it's old habits so I'm abs.
              Sobriety Date: June 15, 2007 -- "It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got...."

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                #8
                does anyone relate to this?

                looks like we are all in the same boat
                It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not.
                James Gordon, M.D.

                Comment

                  #9
                  does anyone relate to this?

                  Yes, I can go to some dinner party and only have one glass of wine, but I cannot do the same in my own home. It's because nobody is looking.

                  Lori, your words above describe me as well. "because nobody is looking." It reminds me that the only way to change this habit is to really want it from within, because somebody IS always looking - ME. When I stop making changes for appearances and start changing for myself, maybe it will click.

                  Samadhi, I empathize with your struggle. I think as long as we keep trying, and this is the best place I've found to keep it up, we will all eventually come across what works for us individually. Keep trying, and change things up if necessary - different aspects of the program, different goals, etc. Good luck.

                  pixie
                  AF since 6JUN2012

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