Bad times for me

[Cashregister]

I have had 2 big slip ups - one last Thursday night and one on Saturday night. I don't know why - the compulsion was just too great I guess. I feel like I am a complete failure , I have missed 2 days of work because of firstly a shocking hangover, and today because I am having panic attacks I am so scared of myself, of my lack of control. I don't want to lose my job.

My husband is really trying to understand, and I am so lucky that he is here for me. But I feel like everyone would be better off without me.

I just wish I could stop, once and for all. Ive tried mods and now I reckon its Abs for me. I can go months without a drink if i'm "not drinking" (for a diet or something) but it's any old excuse at the moment. Pathetic.

It's really hard to put this into words, the feelings of inadequacy and terror and of worthlessness. The words don't ever really sum it up.

Anyway, it's time to go see my Dr and talk about stopping and getting some help. I am going today if I can get an appointment,

Oh dear...

Cashy

[Helensback]

Bad times for me

Cashy

We're right here.

Helen

[Cashregister]

Bad times for me

Thanks Helen,

I also have mild bipolar depression (not really high, not too low - just up and down all the time like a rollercoaster. I've been "up" for the last week and a half - maybe that's why the drinking to excess - who knows.

The ups are not fun cause you know what's happening but you can't stop yourself doing stupid things - drinking, shopping etc etc.

I am so tired of everything.

Cashy

[Accountable for Me]

Bad times for me

Oh Cashy!!!! Don't be so hard on yourself! I felt so much worthlessness when I tripped up several times. I too have called into work sick and had severe anxiety. I think with your consulting your doctor is a good idea. You definitely don't want to lose your job, and maybe your doctor can give you something to help you!! I am thinking of you....!

[Cashregister]

Bad times for me

Thanks so much accountable - i'm just sitting here staring at the Board! Tragic.

It's so good to talk to others who kow howit feels to be here in this position. I want to do everything at once as well - fix everything so life will be perfect for my family.

Baby steps I guess

Cashy

[Accountable for Me]

Bad times for me

I too suffer from depression. And I found when I am up - I am WAY up and end up doing stupid stuff, like drinking to bring me down. (That was mainly when I was on antidepressants - they brought me right up there).

I am staring at the board too - tragedy right along with you, love!!

Baby steps, baby steps...

[Beaches]

Bad times for me

Hi Cash,
Stay here and stay strong I mess up and keep coming back and each time it gets better. Don't self hate . We will support you every step of the way.

NP

[Mackeral]

Bad times for me

Aww Cashy, its not as bad as it seams...You are here trying...Its so difficult...I slipped over the weekend aswell....Its when you stop trying that its time to start worrying....Chin up eh?

[Roxy1234]

Bad times for me

Oh Cashy,
I can completely relate to your fear of yourself...so much! I have had those kinds of day afters, too, realizing oh my God I am slowly killing myself. And when I've drank so much I think geez, I could have DIED last night, from puking in my sleep and choking on it, etc. It's a dreadful place to be. I'm sure you already know it's your brain and its twisted up chemistry that is wreaking the havoc. I think yuor idea to work with your doctor is a sound one. It sounds like you need a long term plan, and perhaps having someone with some type "authority" to mentor you will help.

I am newly sober, so I can't pretend to have any meaningful answers. I just wanted you to know that I can relate and I am thinking good thoughts for you and sending warm wishes that you find your right direction.

Hugs,
Roxy

[YoungAtHeart]

Bad times for me

Hey Cashy,

Seeing your doc seems like the best plan. It sounds like you could use some help to settle down. I wish I had something concrete to offer, but I am thinking of you and sending loving vibes your way.

Hugs,
Kathy:l

[Flip]

Bad times for me

Hi Cash, You are not alone. We have all been there sweetie. I've just started on a very low dose of Lithium as I have mild bi-polar - it's also linked strongly to addictions like ours..... talk to your Dr about it.

with love and hugs

Flip (born and raised in Adelaide)

[Wattle]

Bad times for me

Hey Cash

You can beat this... and you will beat this... we all slip... I slip... but we first start with forgiving ourselves and keep on going...

Yeh of course at times it feels like we have lost any control we had over our lives.. please look forward it will be better and it will be brighter..

love to you cash

Wattle

[Olly]

Bad times for me

Hey Cash,

Just wanted to beam a big cyber hug over to you!! I hope you realize how great it is that you are here, posting, wanting to be stronger and wanting to get better. That is huge. We all know how awful it is to slip, but you haven't failed!!!

Olly

[betty boop]

Bad times for me

Hi Cash,

You certainly aren't alone, I too suffer from anxiety & panic attacks, they are very scary ......

I'm sending lots of love & hugs to help you through this. :h :l :h :l

Good luck with your doctor.

Paula xxx

[hidden_gem]

Bad times for me

Hi Cash,

Like you and Flip, I'm also bipolar - again, very mild. I'm on a low dose of Lithium too.

I've found previously that in my mild "high" stages I have a strong compulsion to drink, and as I also feel more sociable at the time I always end up going out a lot more. Then I have a big crash and get very depressed, feeling the effects more strongly because of the damage the alcohol has wrecked on my brain chemistry.

That's why I've chosen to abstain for 30 days, and make sure I take my lithium, to see if my brain chemistry will stabilise.

It will be so lovely to be able to be on a relatively even keel - and not feel like a totally different person from one day to the next!

It is the best idea to talk to your doctor. Remember this is just a chemical inbalance - it's not who you really are!

Love and hugs

Gem