OK help me out--the crux of the matter as I see it...

[BoozeFreeFox]

I'm on a little mission here to stop alcohol from robbing any more of my life from me.
As stated in previous posts, I have abstained electively, and out of necessity (being on call) many, many times.
Abstinence is ALWAYS good.
Booze (after the first "giddy" (there is no other word to describe that euphoric, tipsy feeling) hour or so) is ALWAYS bad.
PLEASE HELP ME OUT HERE AND TRY TO ADDRESS THE FOLLOWING:

What the hell is this ill-defined feeling you get when you know you are not going to drink? I'm sure you all know what I mean. For example, if I knew I was going to drink a lot tonight, I would feel excited about something right now, but I DON'T. I just feel like there is this "nothingness" in my immediate future. This is where I disagree with Allen Carr. He kind of states that this doesn't really exist. It does, and it has for years for me. I can't deny reality. This is my motivation to drink--to give me that "something" to look forward to (even though the REAL something--dinner, kids, baths, stories, bedtime, reading, GOOD SLEEP, etc...) is really quite cool.

It's as if every time, even if it is for a day (because of work) that I know my evening is to be without booze, there is this unsettling "pall" over my conscious and subconscious being. I do NOT believe this is really a physical thing (I've never had a single physical symptom from abstinence), but even moreunnerving for me, I think it is a deep seated mental thing.

THIS is absolutely the most unsettling thing about booze as I see it (even worse than hangovers, crappy motivation, and yucky skin). For me, this is the real crux of the whole alcohol conundrum.

Any other experienced booze "swearer-offers" here care to address this.

Thanks in advance.

BFF

[wwbarb]

OK help me out--the crux of the matter as I see it...

Habit is all I can think of. Or fear - fear of what life will be without booze. So much of my life is wrapped around it. Very interesting question and so true.

[Java]

OK help me out--the crux of the matter as I see it...

I get the same thing, I have no physical side effect however; my brain is used to me saying that at 6pm every nigth it is okay, now i am saying it is not and my brain goes crazy, i read the book and i find this same problem, i agree with him that i can see their is no nutritionla value to alcohol, but at the same time i find comfort in knowing i will have a drink (i will not tonight so i am stressed) but if i were i would have a strange comfort in it and not be going crazy, that is of course until tommorow morning when i feel guilty insteag of happy it is a tradeout, would you rather be happy in the mornings because you made it through the night or crappy in the mornings and not remember the night. it is a vicous cycle.

[lushy]

OK help me out--the crux of the matter as I see it...

Fox, I could not relate more. If I know I am going to drink I get almost excited about it, but then usually hate myself in the morning. For me anyhow I think it is a skewed brain. I think we have conditioned it wrong, conditioned it to look forward to something that it should look forward to. We should look forward to a good meal, a good book, time with family, a good movie. Not a good buzz. But I think after years of depleting the feel-good chemicals we look forward to it because we know we will feel good for a while.

[Accountable for Me]

OK help me out--the crux of the matter as I see it...

I have to agree.... I believe it is a combination of habit and fear.

I know you probably want a more substantial answer. For me the feeling you describe is a combination of habit and the fear of dealing with the evenings without the enhancement of alcohol.

[BoozeFreeFox]

OK help me out--the crux of the matter as I see it...

Bingo!!

i will not tonight so i am stressed

This sucks.

[Beaches]

OK help me out--the crux of the matter as I see it...

I so relate to what you are saying. I sit at work and can not wait to get home and have a drink. I am so excited about pouring that first one and feeling it go down. I have to convince myself to be happy not to have it. It is so much work to be happy "not to drink" when being happy to drink was so effortless. However the end result for me is that I am in such a better state and that should be all I need. That should be all I need. That should be all I need.

Good luck to you!!

NP

[Java]

OK help me out--the crux of the matter as I see it...

I know, but i truly believe as time goes by we will continue to sleep better and eat normal and start to enjoy and look foward to the things we should look foward to. Keep moving foward that is all, I am going to read carr;s book again, it hasn't quite clicked yet. but I am doing all i can to ensure i make tonight night 3 AF. I wish u the best, I WIll come back later to check, I am headed off to tell my doctor i have a problem, wish me luck.

[Accountable for Me]

OK help me out--the crux of the matter as I see it...

That whole not drinking and feeling stressed pretty much sums it up. It does suck. I remember a few times when my hubby would say "lets not drink tonight - would panick and my whole night would be 'shitty' " I would actually feel so panicked inside I could almost cry.... no lie.

You have to remember that with time, comes ease. The panick and stress does subside.

[BoozeFreeFox]

OK help me out--the crux of the matter as I see it...

Glad you can relate.

I'm betting that it will take a while but that the "stress" of "evenings without booze" will fade with time.

[samadhi]

OK help me out--the crux of the matter as I see it...

When you are accustomed to working and being busy all day, and then unwind by rewarding yourself with a buzz - it becomes an ingrained habit that's hard to break. At this point - it may be just about breaking a habit. I think it's also about learning to get through your evenings totally sober. It's like a new experience, developing a new habit (they say 21-28 days) I find in my case I've tried to find something exciting to do after 5pm, however, you can't always do that - so you have to find the exciting in the mundane and ordinary. That's where mindfulness comes in - really putting your mind into what you are doing - washing dishes, reading to kids - even paying bills. There are several books on the topic "The Power of Now" by Ekhart Tolle comes to mind. Keep at it! Wishing you lots of luck and success.

[Guest]

OK help me out--the crux of the matter as I see it...

BFF,

I think its not really about alcohol. I think the crux of this matter is self worth - and self esteem.. and if you dont get to working on yourself you will only be a dry drunk. Its the same with any addicition, I reckon.. shopping too much.. eating too much or too little.. gambling.. or overdoing anything.. its all about loving yourself and feeling as if you are worth it. A big part of this is also taking control of your own self.. so taking responsibility for your actions.. waking up to their consequences (not only in drinking, but in your life) and being honest and conscious.

Not actually drinking is only one portion of turning this thing around.

Thats what I think.
Brigid

[InnerStrength]

OK help me out--the crux of the matter as I see it...

Wow this is a great thread!!
I always sort of associated that "excited" feeling with "cravings" - does anyone feel that way?
I completely 100% relate to this so much - I willl get this anticipatory excitement in my chest/stomach etc, when I know I will be able to drink that night. The nights I dont drink are kind of "blah". When I want to drink on the weekends, I will say things to my husband like "can we just have some drinks? I want to DO something"! And he ALWAYS says to me - why does fun have to involve alcohol? The truth is, I don't really feel like there is much to look forward to without booze on a weekend. During the weeks its ok because the weekdays are kind of "low key" and boring anyways.
How do we get over this? How do we get excited about other things? I dont want my idea of fun to revolve solely or primarily around drinking....
This is a fantastic topic.
Jen

[betty boop]

OK help me out--the crux of the matter as I see it...

WOW, some interesting stuff here ......

I've spent years trying to give up drinking and never succeeded before, I always looked forward to 7pm when I would open the 1st bottle of wine, many mornings I would say 'not tonight' but hey ho, started again, and like you've all said there starts the vicious circle again.

Tm now on day 15 AF, half way to my 30 days ..... I'm far from perfect, my goal after 30 days is moderation, I'm only going 30 days AF so that I know that I can ....

Anyway what i'm trying to say is that once you have made up your mind you get the same buzz from not drinking as you do from drinking. Several nights recently i've really fancied a wine, but about an hour later i get an amazing high, just knowing that i've not given in ...

Hope this help, & Newgrl, :goodjob: on day 3 AF

Love & Hugs to you all, Paula xx :h :l :h

[pixie]

OK help me out--the crux of the matter as I see it...

lush wrote: But I think after years of depleting the feel-good chemicals we look forward to it because we know we will feel good for a while.

This IS agreat topic. What Lush said in the quote above really makes sense to me. I've gotten to the point where I can find other things to do in the evening, but sometimes I just get this 'craving', not physical, that makes me really look forward to drinking. I guess maybe it's the easiest way to get the feel-good feeling, so our brains rush to that. What I just said makes sense to me anyways, probably not to anyone else!

pixie