It was ingrained in my life from as far back as I remember. we all drank. I drank when i was a preteen to experiment. My first drink was a bottle of 10 penny beer from my grandparents fridge back in the 70's. i wanted to know what was the big deal. i thought it must be yummy or else why was everyone doing it.. it was horrible..
i drank again at 14/15, my BFF poured her grandmothers Sherry into a bottle, filled hers back up with water and away we went. we mixed that stuff with every thing we could think of .. and eventually got it down with grape pop. we were so drunk. puked all night long in her bedroom. to this day i have never drank Sherry.
At 16 i went to the local pub with a native indian friend of mine. she had jsut received her monthly govt cheque and asked me to go for lunch from school to the pub. Of course i went. it was 1981, noone asked me for ID. i drank many draft beer. went back to school drunk as you can imagine... my friends put me in a car and drove me home.. i puked all night..
It just continued from there.. i drank to fit in, i drank to have sex, i drank to not feel anything... i drank and i drank and i drank... my friends drank, my family drank.
in my late teens it was parties.. in my 20's it was night clubs.. in my 30's it was with my hiusband in my 40's it was alone... but always drinking...
Its all i have known as far back as i can remember.. it was my constant companion, my reprieve from anxiety, my confidant, my nemesis, my partner. it was always there for me. It was there for me when my parents weren't, it was there to ease the guilt of a drunken night with strangers...it was there for abortions and miscarriages and neglect, it was there when we had no money but always enough for booze... it was there when my marriage was bad and my kids were stressful. it was there when i needed an extra something to help me relax and have sex wih my husband even when i didn't want to. it was there i found out from my aunt in a parking lot that my mothern had died 6 months previous and no one called me.
It was ALWAYS there no questions asked... its a whole new world to not drink for me. i have nothing to compare it to. Sobriety is alien. but i will conquer it. I have wasted SO much of my life living with this desease.
I no longer want to be "oh Caper is coming over for dinner we better stock up on booze"
I'm not embarassed about quitting, i'm ok with telling the world i am trying to quit. My alcoholism was in hiding. MY quitting is out in the open, out of the closet..
I'm a quitter and i'm proud.
i drank again at 14/15, my BFF poured her grandmothers Sherry into a bottle, filled hers back up with water and away we went. we mixed that stuff with every thing we could think of .. and eventually got it down with grape pop. we were so drunk. puked all night long in her bedroom. to this day i have never drank Sherry.
At 16 i went to the local pub with a native indian friend of mine. she had jsut received her monthly govt cheque and asked me to go for lunch from school to the pub. Of course i went. it was 1981, noone asked me for ID. i drank many draft beer. went back to school drunk as you can imagine... my friends put me in a car and drove me home.. i puked all night..
It just continued from there.. i drank to fit in, i drank to have sex, i drank to not feel anything... i drank and i drank and i drank... my friends drank, my family drank.
in my late teens it was parties.. in my 20's it was night clubs.. in my 30's it was with my hiusband in my 40's it was alone... but always drinking...
Its all i have known as far back as i can remember.. it was my constant companion, my reprieve from anxiety, my confidant, my nemesis, my partner. it was always there for me. It was there for me when my parents weren't, it was there to ease the guilt of a drunken night with strangers...it was there for abortions and miscarriages and neglect, it was there when we had no money but always enough for booze... it was there when my marriage was bad and my kids were stressful. it was there when i needed an extra something to help me relax and have sex wih my husband even when i didn't want to. it was there i found out from my aunt in a parking lot that my mothern had died 6 months previous and no one called me.
It was ALWAYS there no questions asked... its a whole new world to not drink for me. i have nothing to compare it to. Sobriety is alien. but i will conquer it. I have wasted SO much of my life living with this desease.
I no longer want to be "oh Caper is coming over for dinner we better stock up on booze"
I'm not embarassed about quitting, i'm ok with telling the world i am trying to quit. My alcoholism was in hiding. MY quitting is out in the open, out of the closet..
I'm a quitter and i'm proud.
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