Daisy, Daisy, Daisy.....Since I'm far from where I want to be myself, I hardly know what to say, other than, you are not alone in your pain! And....let me share a couple of quotes I wrote down from Jewell's book:
"The self-loathing ends, the insidious feeling that sneakds up on you after so many years as punishment for the addiction you've been powerless to control."
"Do not lose courage in considering your own imperficetions but instanctinly set about remedying them---every day begin the task anew." saint Francis de Sales
Remember.....you're not alone.....hugs!
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