the blame game

[Miklo]

I have a serious question, and I honestly do not mean any disrespect or am questioning the morals of anyone here, but why the blame game? Believe me when I say I know AL is an addiction, and can cause problems but why does everyone blame IT, and not themselves? I mean in reality AL never made you___________. You chose to, even while completely loaded you unconscious level of thought took over and made a decision that you felt inside. AL brings out inner inhibitions that your mind and rational try to suppress. This is exactly why people say exactly how they feel about something after a few drinks, why it is a social lube, why it breaks barriers, because it allows a person to open up without thinking about the consequence of doing so. Being blacked out and not knowing what you were doing is not really an excuse, because you weren?t blacked out while you were doing it. You know what you were doing when doing it, you only don?t remember doing it when you wake up. your unconscious level of thought was running the show. AL didn?t MAKE you do anything, by saying it did you are merely covering up the underlying issue, and that is the problem not AL. The underlying issue must be addressed. AL didn?t make me do the things I posted about in the other thread, I did them because I have issues, I have intimacy issues, childhood issues, PTSD issues, AL was a medication, made me feel like me. It opened me up, it opened the door but I still walked through it. So I really honestly ask why put the blame on AL why we should be looking in the mirror?

[shueaddict]

the blame game

whoaaa ... are you advertising AL?

watch this and tell me what you think:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnsCQbEkzZk[/video]]Pleasure Unwoven: A Personal Journey About Addiction - YouTube

And before you ask I have blamed myself ... plenty ... it got me nowhere. It did not help me quit. Guilt is not a helpful emotion.

[stirly-girly]

the blame game

Excellent post Miklo and :welcome: to MWO. I see that you joined just a few days ago.
A lot of people do blame AL for things they do and say when, as you said in your post, they were unconsciously thinking of doing or saying that exact thing before the booze "allowed" them to lose their inhibitions and do what they really wanted to do or say all along. I have offered advice many times on this forum and one of the things I've written in the past is that alcohol, whether it's beer or wine or hard liquor, is a harmless liquid as long as it's in the bottle. We are the ones who give AL the "power" to influence our decisions as to what we do and say. By opening that bottle and pouring a drink and then drinking it, we allow our judgement of what we feel comfortable saying and doing to be altered by a substance. It is our decision and therefore our responsibility for the outcome of our actions. And even after we grab the bottle and then open it, pour a drink and then drink it, we have already gone through four different steps that we could have, at any point, made the decision to stop. So we have no one to blame but ourselves. Even after getting to the third step of actually pouring a drink, the decision could have been made to pour it down the sink rather than down our throats. So what you said is 100% true in my books. Don't blame AL. It was your hand that went through those four steps to have that drink. The one thing that we shouldn't blame ourselves for is the fact that we are alcoholics. That, IMHO, is something that none of us is to blame for and and I want to stress that, especially to those who are still having a problem admitting that they are an alcoholic. It's not something we wanted. It's not something we went looking for. It's just something we are, at no fault of our own. So, if you're still blaming yourself for your addiction, don't. If you're still blaming AL for your actions, please take a good look in the mirror and see who's really to blame. And I don't mean that you should feel guilty, as Shueaddict said - I mean it as a means of facing up to who is responsible each and every time you take a drink. It's not easy to not take that first step and not go for the bottle or the can and it's not easy to stop at any step until you've actually drank, but it can be done. Every single time you take that first drink of the day or evening, it is a conscious decision on your part. No one else is to blame if you go through with the decision. But you can change your mind and stop and that's when the blame will stop too.

[Nelz]

the blame game

In my honest opinion, it is the AL that makes you do things, and it is YOUR choice, if you chose to put it in your body.

I used to do some reallllly stupid shyt after drinking AL, and Ill be dammend if that hasnt happened in about 9 months.

[Miklo]

the blame game

stirly-girly;1267862 wrote: Excellent post Miklo and :welcome: to MWO. I see that you joined just a few days ago.
A lot of people do blame AL for things they do and say when, as you said in your post, they were unconsciously thinking of doing or saying that exact thing before the booze "allowed" them to lose their inhibitions and do what they really wanted to do or say all along. I have offered advice many times on this forum and one of the things I've written in the past is that alcohol, whether it's beer or wine or hard liquor, is a harmless liquid as long as it's in the bottle. We are the ones who give AL the "power" to influence our decisions as to what we do and say. By opening that bottle and pouring a drink and then drinking it, we allow our judgement of what we feel comfortable saying and doing to be altered by a substance. It is our decision and therefore our responsibility for the outcome of our actions. And even after we grab the bottle and then open it, pour a drink and then drink it, we have already gone through four different steps that we could have, at any point, made the decision to stop. So we have no one to blame but ourselves. Even after getting to the third step of actually pouring a drink, the decision could have been made to pour it down the sink rather than down our throats. So what you said is 100% true in my books. Don't blame AL. It was your hand that went through those four steps to have that drink. The one thing that we shouldn't blame ourselves for is the fact that we are alcoholics. That, IMHO, is something that none of us is to blame for and and I want to stress that, especially to those who are still having a problem admitting that they are an alcoholic. It's not something we wanted. It's not something we went looking for. It's just something we are, at no fault of our own. So, if you're still blaming yourself for your addiction, don't. If you're still blaming AL for your actions, please take a good look in the mirror and see who's really to blame. And I don't mean that you should feel guilty, as Shoeaddict said - I mean it as a means of facing up to who is responsible each and every time you take a drink. It's not easy to not take that first step and not go for the bottle or the can and it's not easy to stop at any step until you've actually drank, but it can be done. Every single time you take that first drink of the day or evening, it is a conscious decision on your part. No one else is to blame if you go through with the decision. But you can change your mind and stop and that's when the blame will stop too.

Completley agree, thank you.

[shueaddict]

the blame game

Someone else here said ... "You cannot choose to get addicted but YOU can choose whether to have the first drink or not"

[stirly-girly]

the blame game

Nelz;1267865 wrote: In my honest opinion, it is the AL that makes you do things, and it is YOUR choice, if you chose to put it in your body.

I used to do some reallllly stupid shyt after drinking AL, and Ill be dammend if that hasnt happened in about 9 months.Nelz, that's just what I meant. Otherwise it's a harmless liquid in a bottle or a can and can't "make us" do anything we don't want to. But it sure can alter our judgement pretty damn fast if we allow it to....
shueaddict;1267871 wrote: Someone else here said ... "You cannot choose to get addicted but YOU can choose whether to have the first drink or not"

Shue - that's exactly what I'm talking about. For those who have stopped drinking, it is their decision each and every day to not put poison into their body. For those who continue to drink, again it is their decision, their choice, if you will, every single time they take that first drink. For normal people, the first drink is no problem. It may well stop there. For us alkies tho' it is a decision to once again jump into that downward spiral.

[KateH1]

the blame game

Wow! Great thread! I fully agree with what both Miklo and Stirly have to say here.

I would just like to add, that IMO, there is a big difference between "placing blame" and accepting personal responsibility for one's actions. It is impossible to overcome alcohol abuse and addiction of any kind without taking personal responsibility, as well as making the changes in one's life and thinking that is needed in order to facilitate these changes. The reality of this can seem harsh, but none the less, it is the truth and this is the truth that does set us free!

For these reasons, I have always hated the term "slipped" when it comes to taking that first drink. The term "slip" doesn't sound too serious....after all, a slip is not a fall.....right? But, in fact taking a drink is not a "slip", it is a "choice" and one bad choice can lead to disaster.

The best part of taking personal responsibility for our actions is that we can, in fact, stop the madness of drinking and all that drinking leads to, and then we can truly move foward and live rich, full lives, without the pain and shame of a life lived with alcohol abuse.

[red67]

the blame game

Good post. For me, I did things while drinking that i would never do sober, or even think about doing. That is the main reason i stay sober now. I know i can control whether i drink, once alcohol takes over i dont seem to be able to control my emotions. No i never drank and drove, physically hurt anyone or put anyone in danger. What i did do was get overlly emotional and argue and say things i would never say sober. Now that i dont drink, i dont do any of that. I can control my behavior when i am sober, enough reason for me to never put that poison down my throat. I can control that.