Is this my Imagination or what?

[Tipplerette]

As much as I have failed at doing a 30 day A/F stint, something weird is happening to me as a result of surfing, posting, reading and just plain being here in the MWO community.

Over the past few years but especially over the past few months I have gradually drank less and less often and when I do drink, I drink less at a sitting. I have not had a 'big drinking night' in over a year.

I don't have the advantage of proudly claiming that I have finally achieved my 30 days but feel that, by osmosis or something I am 'getting it'. My mind and heart understand that Jason Vale is absolutely right in all he says. There are NO benefits to drinking. But I seem to continue to be a victim of habitual behaviour and often (a few times a week) pour myself a glass of wine. I grow sick of it rather quickly and put the kettle on.

I went to a pool hall with some friends and drank two beers. I had no desire to continue the evening with drink in hand.

This goes against everything that is normal here. I am not saying I can't relate to the cravings. I can and often they win. But when they do, I seem to pour the drink as an act of weakness, maybe even drink the glass of wine but that's where it ends.

Do you think that Jason Vales has managed to actually brainwash me (in the good sense of the term)?

I am still hoping to completely find a happy place without alcohol but so far I am pleased with my progress rather than ashamed of my failures.

Last night I had a nightmare that my granddaughter drowned in the river we live next to. I have to be hyper vigilant and sober at all times when she visits especially next summer when she'll be running rather than toddling around. Lately when she visits I am totally immersed in her and not interested in poison.

Right now I am re-reading Kick the Drink by Jason Vale and coming here twice or three times a day.

I'll be honest and post here if I feel I am sinking deeper in the alcohol trap but lately I feel like I am slowly climbing out of the cess pool.

Thanks for listening.

[bouchard01]

Is this my Imagination or what?

Hi Tipper. Sounds like you are making great progress. It is all a process isn't it. Stick with it, you are winning. My hubby is reading Jason's book right now & becoming inspired by it. Day 7 for him & 8 for me. He wants our children who are young adults to read the book & I hope they will too. Happy to see you post. Thought I'd lost my buddy!

[Nelz]

Is this my Imagination or what?

Well, if that isnt progress and the re training of the brain, I dont know what is :goodjob:


Sounds to me like your elusive 30 day medal is just right around the corner.....I wish you continued success.....and Ill dust off a little sumpin sumpin when you hit 30 days....(its gold, has 5 points, and two thumbs)


/wink

[Struggles 106]

Is this my Imagination or what?

HEY TIPS

That is great news. I know exactly what you mean. You are getting it.
It's like this (I think) -once you realize on every level how bad and stupid it is you cannot in good conscience continue. Like finally at a really deep important level you can see so clearly
what the destruction is and it seems absurd to do it.

At least that's how I feel. The slip I had was like watching someone else-not like it was something I wanted to do.

You are doing terrific, and really close to the coveted Nelz star!

[mylife]

Is this my Imagination or what?

That's wonderful to hear Tipp. I have credited this site with cutting down my AL over the last year + as well.

[Tipplerette]

Is this my Imagination or what?

Thanks, Peeps. I know the book is a great influence but I have to say just coming here regularly is what I give most of the credit too.

Don't know if I'll ever get to 30 consecutive days but right now I am losing weight, feeling great and have really cut down so the last thing i am going to do is think i am done quitting. I am going to keep up what i have been doing and consciously slow down until the little drops amount to next to nothing or even less.

Not really counting days at this point.

Another thing that really helps is watching my friends slowly get drunk and their mascara smear, their words slur, etc. Not pretty but a pretty good motivator to cut out the craziness.

[Struggles 106]

Is this my Imagination or what?

You go Tips

You sound really great! And I agree-when you watch people drinking you realize how dumb it is.
I'm wondering if I should get some Antabuse for my trip to my hometown. I certainly don't plan to drink but it will be stressful. I might just not go yet.

I'm hoping to join you in the losing weight category!


Take care

[Tipplerette]

Is this my Imagination or what?

Ann, do whatever it takes to get through your trip home. I did well last summer visiting relatives across the country. It was pushed but I managed to resist ... until ... there was some family tension and then I folded. So like I said, do whatever it takes.

What would be a discreet way of giving my 30 year old son the Kick the Drink book. He is crying out for help without saying much?????

[bouchard01]

Is this my Imagination or what?

I love the support here too it's really helpful to come to the boards.

[scottish lass]

Is this my Imagination or what?

Tip - nicely said, I think that is what is happening to me - i am drinking less and less, not quite getting to where I would like to be, but so very much better than I have been for a very long, long time.
It is a huge change in practice - and habit and maybe I am really getting there, slowly but surely.
I had not thought about it as such, but you have hit the nail on the head....

[choice]

Is this my Imagination or what?

Hey Tip,
I think you sound great. Before I found MWO I know it sounds crazy but I didn't even know i had an issue with alcohol.. i just thought I had really bad hangovers. I felt like I got brainwashed when I started buying into the fact that alcohol was actually not a good thing for me. I think being aware and learning are the exact reasons why I came here. I liked the challenge of the 30 days because I really had never thought of trying something like that. Now I'm feeling bummed that I caved and slipped.. but really I am still just learning,,, learning I want to stay sober,,, but non the less... I think there doesn't have to be a strait line... necessarily. Although.. I'm going to try and stay on my own strait line again because I find it causes me less grief personally.

My husband quit.. and he sounded like your post.. I think he saw me not drinking.. then started to question his drinking... it took him about 4 months after I'd stopped to stop himself. He was more use to the idea because of all my talking about MWO. He'd done a 6 month AF because of a DUI years ago (I wasn't around when he did that) and pretty much had his drinking under control except for sometimes bingeing. (I know bingeing isn't safe... but I thought it was normal) I hated to see him drunk but figured it was just part of life and was lucky it was only once or twice a month.... Anyway... by the time he quit... he really was probably more ready then I was to quit when he did... He told me it was the one time out of ten that he got drunk that he couldn't trust and he knew he was a bad drunk when that happened. SO, he quit because he was tired of the one out of ten.

Now I feel like my own slip was a mistake that kinda drove it home. Not that I feel like testing myself anymore with this I think I hate tests.. always have. Thanks for listening to me ramble :h

[BlondeAFAmbition]

Is this my Imagination or what?

I absolutely agree that after coming to MWO over a year ago, I have drank considerably less, even while I was on vacation in Jamaica last year, and that's sayin' something! Of course, I have had my drunken nights and that's why I am back but I was able to go 115 days sober last year and now 8 days sober this year (so far!) because of MWO and all lof you. It really does make a difference. My advice, even when you slip and I hope you never do, come back THE VERY NEXT DAY and get back on the horse, it is crucial to do that or else you will be riding the devil for a very long time instead of the white victory horse into the light of sobriety!

[K9Lover]

Is this my Imagination or what?

Hi Tips!
You sound great! I can't pinpoint exactly when my mind switched, but I know it was gradual. When I first quit drinking it was begrudgingly...like I knew I should but I didn't want to. Then of course I tried to moderate (as every good alkie does), and well, we know how that turns out. Then I white-knuckled it for a week every now and then, but I was still miserable! Finally, finally (thank God!) I am at a point where I do not feel deprived, but rather grateful, that alcohol is not a part of my life. It does NOT happen overnight, nor does it usually happen on our first (or 40th) attempt...but if we hang in there, it DOES happen eventually, and it's so worth it.
I'm proud of you for how far you have come. Keep it up and stick close to us!
K9

[Tipplerette]

Is this my Imagination or what?

choice;1270963 wrote: Hey Tip,
I think you sound great. Before I found MWO I know it sounds crazy but I didn't even know i had an issue with alcohol.. i just thought I had really bad hangovers. I felt like I got brainwashed when I started buying into the fact that alcohol was actually not a good thing for me. I think being aware and learning are the exact reasons why I came here. I liked the challenge of the 30 days because I really had never thought of trying something like that. Now I'm feeling bummed that I caved and slipped.. but really I am still just learning,,, learning I want to stay sober,,, but non the less... I think there doesn't have to be a strait line... necessarily. Although.. I'm going to try and stay on my own strait line again because I find it causes me less grief personally.

My husband quit.. and he sounded like your post.. I think he saw me not drinking.. then started to question his drinking... it took him about 4 months after I'd stopped to stop himself. He was more use to the idea because of all my talking about MWO. He'd done a 6 month AF because of a DUI years ago (I wasn't around when he did that) and pretty much had his drinking under control except for sometimes bingeing. (I know bingeing isn't safe... but I thought it was normal) I hated to see him drunk but figured it was just part of life and was lucky it was only once or twice a month.... Anyway... by the time he quit... he really was probably more ready then I was to quit when he did... He told me it was the one time out of ten that he got drunk that he couldn't trust and he knew he was a bad drunk when that happened. SO, he quit because he was tired of the one out of ten.

Now I feel like my own slip was a mistake that kinda drove it home. Not that I feel like testing myself anymore with this I think I hate tests.. always have. Thanks for listening to me ramble :h

The slips are an important part of learning. I don't consider a glass of wine a slip as I am not doing the black/white thing. What I consider a slip is getting drunk and having a hangover. I swear that is something I am beyond. I has become automatic for me to switch to lemon water or tea when partying with friends after a glass or two. I often don't drink when everyone else is. The wine pushers (one in particular) are all over me when I don't drink and it used to embarrass me. Now I just laugh as they get blearyeyed and I stay sober.

We are not perfect but plodding along with the help of everyone here. Stay true to yourself and you can't help but succeed.

[Tipplerette]

Is this my Imagination or what?

BlondeAFAmbition;1271174 wrote: I absolutely agree that after coming to MWO over a year ago, I have drank considerably less, even while I was on vacation in Jamaica last year, and that's sayin' something! Of course, I have had my drunken nights and that's why I am back but I was able to go 115 days sober last year and now 8 days sober this year (so far!) because of MWO and all lof you. It really does make a difference. My advice, even when you slip and I hope you never do, come back THE VERY NEXT DAY and get back on the horse, it is crucial to do that or else you will be riding the devil for a very long time instead of the white victory horse into the light of sobriety!

That is the BEST advice because it's the hardest to follow. Now that I am out of the closet as an occasional drinker who has never achieved 30 days, it's easier for me to come back after a party when I have had a few. If I tie one on ever again, I have to rethink all this. I honestly feel that we are on that victory horse as he triumphantly but slowly and gracefully makes his way towards our total abstinence. Jason Vale's book is hitting me in a different way this time... less in my face and more chin scratching and nodding in agreeement. It always appealed to my brain; now I feel it in my soul.