Over the past few years but especially over the past few months I have gradually drank less and less often and when I do drink, I drink less at a sitting. I have not had a 'big drinking night' in over a year.
I don't have the advantage of proudly claiming that I have finally achieved my 30 days but feel that, by osmosis or something I am 'getting it'. My mind and heart understand that Jason Vale is absolutely right in all he says. There are NO benefits to drinking. But I seem to continue to be a victim of habitual behaviour and often (a few times a week) pour myself a glass of wine. I grow sick of it rather quickly and put the kettle on.
I went to a pool hall with some friends and drank two beers. I had no desire to continue the evening with drink in hand.
This goes against everything that is normal here. I am not saying I can't relate to the cravings. I can and often they win. But when they do, I seem to pour the drink as an act of weakness, maybe even drink the glass of wine but that's where it ends.
Do you think that Jason Vales has managed to actually brainwash me (in the good sense of the term)?
I am still hoping to completely find a happy place without alcohol but so far I am pleased with my progress rather than ashamed of my failures.
Last night I had a nightmare that my granddaughter drowned in the river we live next to. I have to be hyper vigilant and sober at all times when she visits especially next summer when she'll be running rather than toddling around. Lately when she visits I am totally immersed in her and not interested in poison.
Right now I am re-reading Kick the Drink by Jason Vale and coming here twice or three times a day.
I'll be honest and post here if I feel I am sinking deeper in the alcohol trap but lately I feel like I am slowly climbing out of the cess pool.
Thanks for listening.
Comment