16 years old??...oh NOOOOOO!

[tawnyfrog]

16 years old??...oh NOOOOOO!

I used to drink too much. Now I think too much.

Sometimes I wonder what's worse.

[Accountable for Me]

16 years old??...oh NOOOOOO!

Oh Wee-Wee. Reverting back to the age of when you started drinking makes perfect sense to me now!!

I have developed this whole sense of irritability, horrible sleep patterns, the wanting to be alone etc. just as you have.

And for me personally, I have no patience for anyone or anything. Tired all of the time, paranoid, afraid of failing and not being able to play the 'victim card' by drinking.... Being a drunk was my excuse for failing or not trying towards the end. Nobody expected anything from me... and I liked it that way I guess. How very sad and what a waste of life...

Now I have to conduct myself as a functioning human being and I have no excuses left! This is very scary. It is like starting life over from where I left off.

When I started to drink: I was in my twenties, I had no confidence and was extremely sensitive. I knew I was no different than anyone else, I just felt different. It was then I was introduced to the drink. I all of a sudden found this confidence I never had..., was popular amongst people my own age, wasn't shy anymore, didn't feel out of place, embarked onto a higher education and a career. I, too, was organized and energetic. Anything that felt out of my comfort zone, alcohol was my saviour! Sadly, looking back, it was a facad!

Now that I am embarking on a new road of life being sober, while it being exciting etc., I am realizing there is so much crap I need to deal with from my past - before I drank. The alcohol played it's role for so long by burying any real feelings I had. I pretty much lived my life as a drunken fraud - LOL!

Facing these feelings, and dealing with life for what it really is, is extremely overwhelming for me. It is almost like learning to ride a bike again. My feelings of paranoia of failing and not have that "old buddy" to fall back on, is scary. I am completely immobilized with fear.

If I can't deal with this, I may need to talk to a doc. Sometimes it is a bit too much to do on one's own.

Thanks Wee, and to all you others for your perspective on things. It is all starting to make sense to me now. This place is truly a miracle in it's own.

Much, much love,
Accountable

[Metamorphosis]

16 years old??...oh NOOOOOO!

I have not chosen AF but moderation but I went to a counsellor recently who said to me that my drinking was my first line of defence when it came to stress or emotional issues.

He also said...if you went AF for a week, what would it bring up for you! I knew straght away that it was the realtionship tha I was in that I was drinking myself away from. Since I have faced this, I have made a break and am workign through some of the other things in my life. But, I think we all self -medicate as a first line of defence becasue it really helps to live with it with a buffer zone of vino!

How much more courageous are we to really face it head on and sober......... it's no walk in the park but surely the end result must be one of greater quality of life and the knowledge that we are comfortable in our own skin....our own sober skin.

[vinophile]

16 years old??...oh NOOOOOO!

Hi Melon,
Boy did your post hit home with me. I read it yesterday and thought about it all day long!

I have not achieved the number of sober days that you have, and if I'm honest with myself, I think it's because I would have to lock myself in my room for an extended period of time. Perhaps that is why in-house rehab works so well. You only have to focus on yourself for six weeks. You can peel away the layers of the onion and not have to deal with others and their inevitable problems.
I'm thrilled you wrote this post as it lets me know that I'm not alone. I hate being irritable and down.
On the subject of depression it is indeed sonething to think about. So many of us drink to mask depression's symptoms.
Please let us know how it goes as you continue on your recovery.

Janet

PS...I really enjoy your humour melonhead!!!!!

[weemelonhead]

16 years old??...oh NOOOOOO!

Evening dearhearts!!!! Thank you all muchly for ALL the advice and tales of the same.....it REALLY helps to know that the melon is not the only fruit in the basket with looners disease!!! :h
I have things to be happy about, and things to be really sad about, but at the moment...all the little teenage melon is doing is focusing on the bad, and allowing it to carve her up into little melonballs....I really have to shift my thinking patterns.......I like tawns quote about the thinking and the drinking....sums it up very succinctly!!

Oh...and by the way...I seem to be having a minor identity crisis to add to my woes...I was under the illusion that I was a melonhead...apparently..many here are labouring under the delusion that i am an onionnoggin???????????? I'm peeling away my friends....just keepin' on peelin xxx
Many melonhugs and onionsnogs to you all.........xxx

[irishlady]

16 years old??...oh NOOOOOO!

Hi Melon, must say you sound a bit more up beat today, I can almost see you bouncing about all over the place, pips being scattered left right and centre, oops, caught one in the eye then, take care my little Honeydew,

By the way, I'll take the melonhugs, but at the risk of sounding rude......

KEEP THE ONIONSNOGS!!!!!!!!! Ha Ha.....

Keep on bouncing Melly,

Love from Louise xxx

[bear73]

16 years old??...oh NOOOOOO!

thanks for your post Melonhead - very similar to how I'm feeling and I'm on day 11 AF...answers my post on other board about how long it takes to feel good AF!!
I'm a bit mood swingy - big ups and BIG downs.
I think it is like someone else said, stuff that we've buried coming up now we're clearer headed.
I too feel about 16 - that's when I started drinking socially.
Couldn't face meetings at work this week as it would have involved standing up and talking in front of big groups of people - used to be a big problem when I was 16. I am a bit coldy too but for both reasons took 2 days off.

I'm trying to take each day as it comes, and to remember that nothing lasts forever - though it bloody seems to when you're blue!! And keep posting oh fruity one, you are very supportive to others and I think that you need to let other people support you too...
xxx big blue bear love

[lorisunshine]

16 years old??...oh NOOOOOO!

Morning Weemelonhead,
It's good to hear that you are squirting pits again. Was thinking about you this morning, when I backed a fruit and nut loaf. Could have used some of your essence instead of the rhum (am trying to use up the Xmas gifties - really!) That does not mean that I think of you everytime I see a fruitcake. Honest.
Keep well one day at a time lovey.
xoxoxo from Lori.

[YoungAtHeart]

16 years old??...oh NOOOOOO!

Good to see you again Weemelon. We love you, no matter what your mood. I'm definiely willing to dodge a pit or two to have you around! I wish I had more words of wisdom, but I find I'm struggling with my moods too. One day good, then another day poo--ah well...