MARCH MOTIVATORS

[choice]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Just flying by... haven't read through the thread yet but wanted to congratulate UW for hitting a huge 4 month milestone!! :goodjob:

[Unwasted]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Good Morming Everyone,

Not too much new in my little world, but just wanted to stop in and wish eveyone well. Thought I'd post an article I found simple, but straight to the point. I don't know if you're like me, but I read something every day about addiction to help keep things cemented in my brain. Here you go:

Total Abstinence and the Zero Tolerance Policy
by Patrick on October 5, 2011

Yesterday we looked at the need to make a decision for recovery from addiction. Today we are looking at the need for total abstinence and how to handle this mentally. This is another idea that is not revolutionary but it is extremely important regardless of which recovery program you claim to follow in your life.

If you can learn to moderate your drinking or drug use then you do not need a program at all. Go self medicate and be happy! I have no wisdom for you.

If, on the other hand, you find that you are actually addicted and really have a problem, then eventually you will discover that moderation does not work for you. This can take decades to fully realize for some people.


Once you decide that total abstinence is the way to go, now you have to work on the mental implementation of that idea.

How do you manage this idea mentally, the idea that you can never use drugs or alcohol ever again?

I call it ?the zero tolerance policy.? It is a mental agreement that you make with yourself.

And what exactly is this agreement?

The mental trick that you have to engage in is just this:

Make an agreement with yourself, right now, that you will not allow yourself to entertain the thought of drinking or drugging.

Make an agreement with yourself, right now, that you will stop yourself immediately if you find yourself romancing the idea of being drunk or high.

Make an agreement with yourself that you will never again allow yourself to consciously fantasize about drinking or taking drugs again.

And of course, make an agreement with yourself that you will not take a drink or a drug, no matter what.

That?s it. That is your zero tolerance policy that you make with yourself. You do not tolerate even the thought of going back to using.

And why not? Because if you romanticize the idea of a drink or a drug, it will make you miserable in the long run. Eventually, it will make you miserable if you keep remembering ?the good times.?

The trick is this:

After you have been sober for a while, taking a single drink or a drug actually would produce the effect that you want. It actually would work exactly as you want it to, at least in the short run. But that is the whole key: in the short run. Before the first day of your relapse is over, you will have seen how quickly the misery comes back. Your tolerance will shift instantly as the old addict brain kicks in, and by the end of the first week of a relapse you will be chasing a high that you can never reclaim. The vicious cycle will start all over again, and all of this because you romanticized the idea of getting drunk or high again. You entertained the thought for a split second too long, and your brain said ?screw it! I am gonna go get me one!?

So you cannot ?go there.? Not even for a second.

Now as an addict or alcoholic, your brain will ignore this idea at first, and you will find yourself having random thoughts of drinking or drugging from time to time.

Shut them down. Instantly. That is the agreement that you are making with yourself. That you will not DWELL on those thoughts. Because that is what creates the relapse. If you dwell on them, if you allow yourself to remember the good times for a hair too long, you will end up relapsing over it eventually.

Not worth it.

Use the zero tolerance policy to instantly shut down the thoughts when you have them. Make a decision that you will not purposely entertain the idea of relapse. It is off-limits for you.

Total abstinence is your new mantra. You must commit to the idea mentally, and shut down idle thoughts that could lead to relapse. If you are not taking an active role in managing those idle thoughts and redirecting yourself then you are on shaky ground.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Hi Motivators!

And motivators you are indeed!

UW-Love the Zero Tolerance post, thank you for sharing. It is so true to not let yourself start dwelling on caving into that first drink after you have been sober for a while. In an instants, all that we have worked so hard for will have vanished and we will be chasing the euphoric feeling that we perceive to be true but which never exists.

Contrats UW on your 4 months! I will be a month next week!

We are about half way through March! Keep up the good work everyone, each day is a gift and each sober day is like winning the lottery!

[mylife]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Good morning all!

UW - thanks for the zero tolerance post. That's just what I needed to read this morning.

Blonde - good to hear from you! You're right - halfway through March already!

Nothing much new here today - I've been tired all week with work but I can tell you I'd be more tired and irritated if I were drinking.

Have a great AF day all.

[K9Lover]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Good morning my friends!

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle a 14 year old girl that is "depressed"? My daughter says she's just "sad" and "doesn't know why". I'm starting to get a little worried. Part of it is hormones I'm sure, but I hope it's nothing serious. She says she wants to talk to someone. I hope my being an alcoholic in her earlier years didn't do damage that I'm not even aware of. Oy, the joys of teenagers. I'm trying to not worry too much (yet). Does anyone know if it's safe for a 14 year old to take St. John's Wort?

Nothing new to report in my little world...I'm still wondering if it's almost Friday yet? lol

K9

[Unwasted]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

K9, I don't have kids so I can't be of much help. I just know that adult life for me started at that age. When I look back on how fast I grew up, I'm aghast! That's when I started drinking and, yes, you guessed it, became sexual with my boyfriend. Yikes. I think age 30 is abour right for first time sex. So if she's anything like I was, the hormones would be running rampant.

And, then on top of that, it's a whole other world of social networking, etc. I can't imagine how confusing it is to grow up in today's times given what they now show on TV.

Does she have any kind of relationship with her father? Just wondering what her issues are. Is she pretty open with you?

And, I hate to break it to you but..............scroll down







NO, it's not Friday yet.

[K9Lover]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Thanks UW for the response. She's fairly close to her dad, I asked her if she feels like she needs to see him more and I got the typical response "I dont know". I asked her if anything (or anyone) in particular is upsetting her, and got the "I dont know". I asked if there's anything I can do to help, what she wants for lunch, if she felt like taking a shower, etc., etc., and the same response "I don't know" *SIGH* I hope she's just in a "funk"...it's gotta be typical for a teenager (girl especially).

And thanks for breaking it to me gently that NO, it's not Friday yet! LOL

[mylife]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Hi K9 -

I don't have experience with 14 year old girls other than I grew up in a family of 5 girls. I would say that 14 was a pretty difficult age for all of us! If you have the opportunity I'd let her talk to a counselor or something - I know at that age I was MORITIFED to discuss anything with my Mom. Especially about sex, drugs etc...

I have no kids but am very close to my two nephews who live in the same neighborhood as me - and boys are SO different.

You might want to check with Scottish Lass -and I think Mum of 2 also has teenage girls.

[Unwasted]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

K9, that's such a hard age. I actually taught 8th grade if you can believe that! It was my last year of teaching -- they did me in. Really, they're insane at that age -- they don't fit in the kid category or the adult category. I think it's a hard time in general. Hope you get it figured out. I don't think talking to a counselor would be a bad thing at all, especially if she requested it. Sometimes we just need a disinterested third party to bounce things off of. Best of luck and keep us posted.

[scottish lass]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Hey K9 - what an age! And I really would not want to be a teenager in this world - it is pretty scary, and really confusing as UW says with all the social media etc.
My eldest is 13 and just had a bad time - she did some things that were suprising to me and a bit of a wake up call, nothing bad or that she couldn't make better - but something was there.
I was able to spend a quiet weekend, watching movies, doing toenails, in PJ's and she slowly and quietly chatted. I was just around and let her speak at her own pace - it took all weekend and drove me nuts - but I got the non answer to everything I asked, so had to give up asking.
She has a teacher (male) that she really likes, and I really like too - he is not her homeroom teacher, but one we both like. I went and spoke to him and he was very insightful. I asked my daughter if I could speak to him first and she liked the idea, she did not want to come as she said she would cry. I offered her a counselor - but she didn't want that, and they have been so cut back in our school district that I had reservations.
Since talking, she seems a lot better - she gives me more quiet hugs than she has for a few years, and when with her dad I get daily messages (texts or emails). It was very hard to just listen and not lecture, or tell her to do things, but that seemed to be what she needed. And having her teacher aware is great for both of us.
As ML said, hormones - a lot of it is dealing with wanting to be a little girl and a big girl at the same time, and then the boy thing - and then the friend thing - seriously, girls at thsi age can be EVIL!
I think they have so much going on that they are completely confused with everything. And "I don't know" is probably very true - I know my daughter really didn't know...
Good luck, I know how hard it is - I lost a lot of sleep and it was the weekend where I turned back to AL after she left as I felt so lost. Don't let that happen.
On the bright side - it is hump day and past noon, so that means Friday is on the way...

[K9Lover]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Scottish Lass -
Thank you SO much for that insight and your experience. I try to be patient and not press her. I just want her to know I'm on her side and she'll always have me. I don't think you really realize how much your mother loves you until you become one!
We're gonna hang out tonight and watch The Voice...and hopefully have a few laughs.
Night all!

[Unwasted]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Good Morning Everyone,

Lots of stuff to do today - having company this weekend so my alcohol challenge is on! I'm not feeling like I'll have an issue (today ) but I have my AB ready and waiting.

Hope you all have a super day. We're half way through the March challenge! Woo Hoo!

[BlondeAFAmbition]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Yup, the halfway March mark is officially upon us! Where is this month going? One thing is for sure, it's not being wasting on drinking. Amen!

[GingerDust]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Hi all. K9Lover, SL is right. Your daughter is probably telling the truth that she just feels down and doesn't know why. When my daughter was 11 to 15 years of age were the longest of my life because she was such an emotional tangle. It passes.

OK here. Still taking the AB. I'm having trouble sleeping because my back and legs ache like crazy when I lay down. I took Bayer PM last night and it helped some. I need to get the kitchen finished. It would be nice if my body would cooperate!

I hope everyone has a good day.

[mylife]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Good morning guys!

UW - your first company challenge! I'm viewing vacations and challenges like that as "Day One's" - once you get through them once you know you can do it again. Don't know if that will help but it's my two cents! Luckily I haven't had a major challenge yet...

SL and K9 - my heart goes out to you both - those are hard years to get through for anyone and dealing with giving up AL at the same time makes it twice as challenging. But probably twice as rewarding in the end.

Hi Ginger! Nice to see you and glad to hear we're both still on board together in this journey!! You've passed your 30 days and I'm at mine today - so we made it through the first month.

Hope everyone has a great AF day.