MARCH MOTIVATORS

[mylife]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Hello Gang,

So nice to be AF this Saturday. I had a stressful evening last night - argument with hubby (we made up later), long drive, my car is acting up, Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired blah blah. But you know what? I didn't think about drinking because I know it's just not an option for me. Both because I'm an Alcoholic and because I'm on Antabuse, AND because I just don't want to ever go there again!

So after getting to bed really late I realized at some point tossing and turning last night that I was actually remembering this feeling. Which was odd - because I didn't know where I would remember it from. And it then dawned on me that years ago (all through my 20's really) I never cared for AL. So I actually experienced all my feelings without numbing them in some way. In those days I didn't understand why people liked alcohol and it never occured to me to drink if I had a problem. I felt like I was remembering how I used to be - just experiencing all my emotions good or bad - and it felt really wonderful. This is probably sounding very werid, but for me it was an awakening moment. I can be that person I was who didn't use Alcohol as a crutch again - she's been with me all along, apparently I just blotted her out when I started drinking. Anyway, sorry for rambling!!

UW - I hope this isn't a lonely journey. I hope like smokers, that more and more people become aware how toxic AL is and simply say "I don't drink". I know I will. And as for the "bitchyness" I am right there with you sister! I think it has to do with the fact I'm actually feeling things again instead of through a fog of alcohol.

Westirock - great job on Jason Vale and 11 days. Isn't he awesome?

Sunshine - so glad to hear you're back and doing well! This will be a long journey with ups and downs but I think it will be well worth all the emotions it brings up in the end.

Guitarista - thanks for the tip on AA. That's pretty much exactly what I plan to do.

Hope everyone has a fantastic AF Saturday!

[Unwasted]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

ML, I love your post this morning - that awakening you described was fantastic. I'm starting to get it too.....that ability to experience our real selves....not all good, but at least it's real. I like the idea. Jason Vale talks makes a lot of references in his book to how we didn't need alcohol before we started drinking. It's a simple concept, but one we lose sight of after years of drinking! So happy that you're having this experience.

[GingerDust]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Hi everyone and welcome to everyone who joined in for March Motivators. This thread is really hopping! That's great to see.

Still doing OK here, still taking the antabuse, still not drinking or even thinking about drinking. Once again, I related to what you said, mylife. It is in some ways like being back in my twenties with the feelings, except now I don't have the wild hormonal swings, which is very helpful!

Sun, what you said is funny. "where I live the town is small and everyone knows that the cars parked 'there' are the AA cars!! LOL" We have the same mentality here too, but it's for the adult book store! :H

I use AA in similar way to Guitarista. I go rarely anymore but usually find it helpful when I do go. It is a nice way to feel connected to both the people and to recovery, and that's worth ignoring stuff that is annoying (which for me means ignoring 70+% of what is said).

I wish I had time to respond to everyone but it's another busy day here.

Have a good sober Saturday everyone.

[Running4life]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Hi everyone:
Day 121 for me. Last night I had a craving so bad I could taste it. In every show we watched on TV last night someone was drinking. I think that boredom was the contributing factor to the craving. I just reminded myself of all that I would be giving up if I caved and tried to remember all the reasons why I decided to quit in the first place. I was able to surf it nicely with a cranberry and soda.
I was hoping the cravings would quit rearing their ugly head as time goes by but I guess I just need to be ready to surf them. i have been forgetting my antbuse for a few days as well so the thoughts of letting it wear off are setting in too. Stupid mind games!
Hope you are all have something fun planned. I am going to a pub night fundraiser of (all things) tonight. I am off to take my pill to ensure I only drink diet coke or cranberry and soda!
R4L

[mylife]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Hi Guys!

UW and Ginger - glad you could relate! This is really a journey isn't it?

Sunshine - I also thought that was funny too about the AA meetings. I don't live in a really small town but last time I went to a meeting in my area of town and several people who I knew casually were there and after the meetings I was running into people at the grocery store and stuff. It was a little awkward so I thought this time I'd head accross town!

Running - I have kind of resigned myself that I'll probably have cravings pop up for quite some time. I really keep reading Jason's book to try and lose those cravings all together LOL. Anyway, I do know it took years to get these cravings so it might take years to completely go away. Keep taking the antibuse!!! First thing in the morning when you're feeling strong! You will be so happy you did a year from now. :l

[mama bear]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

I am in for March gang!!

[mylife]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Hi MB! Great to see you!

[Unwasted]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Hey All, I don't have time to post tonight, but I went to my first AA meeting. I can't tell you how nice everyone was to me......blew me away. I liked it very much - much more than I anticipated. I'll post in more detail tomorrow.

R4L, so hoping you took that pill! MB - welcome!!

Hugs and Love to All!

[mylife]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

That's great UW! Can't wait to hear!

[choice]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Hey there,
Just a quick check in as hubby is in the other room watching cricket.. He could be there a while :H...

Yes, Unwasted.. It has been much easier since he went AF. I think not being around AL is really where I need to be. Otherwise it can become too cunning for me... I really can use any emotion in the book to bring on a craving. I hope it's not always that way.. but at the same time ... I sorta don't care either.. I feel strung out around people who are drinking heavily. Also congrats on the 100 plus days! Also I am really impressed at you going to AA. I am really thinking about going myself.

Yes, sunshinedaisys I am doing a lot better since my small slip.. but I am sorta having anger issues.. specifically towards my husband.. because of our little fight that I drank after.. Not blaming him.. More just feeling immature on how I'm handling my anger. I'm not sure if immature is the right word to use.. but I'm having temper tantrums.. not good. SO I'm not sure where this anger is coming from, or how to handle it. I looked up anger management online today.. and it was very interesting how it was very linked to alcohol and drug abuse. Something i need to look into further. So I'm okay on the AF front.. but my emotions are not as easy to control as they were before the slip..

I gotta run.. just wanted to jump in before the thread got to far away from me..
I hope everyone is doing well. :h:h

[Running4life]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Hi everyone. Hope you are all having a wonderful AF weekend. UnWasted, yes, I did take the pill and thanks for asking. I will be happy to wake up tomorrow morning without a headache.
I went to my pub night fundraiser and I must admit I felt a bit deprived when I watched my friends running around with full glasses of red wine. (my preferred choice of poison) I got over it pretty quick though and I will be happy to be feeling great tomorrow while they nurse hangovers.
Take care,
R4L

[allswell]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Good morning, hope everyone is feeling strong today. Choice, I couldn't imagine how difficult it would be to quit with a spouse who continues to drink. I'm at the point where I feel very uncomfortable around drinkers, don't know if it's being vigilant or lacking confidence in my quit or perhaps a combination of the two. I'm glad sobriety is something both of you can work towards together. Unwasted, I would really be interested in hearing the details of your meeting. Take care all.

[Unwasted]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Good Morning Marchers,

Allswell - I don't think it's Choice's husband - I think it's his friends. Is that right Choice? Allswell, I think you bring up a good point, though. I find I don't want to be around drinkers, but our lives are such that it's not a problem. However, my husband has one or two drinks now and then, and I'm trying to be okay with that. I feel like I need to be able to be around it some, since I'm invariably going to be put in that position periodically. Going to a restaurarant even.........drinkers are everywhere. I don't want to give up an occasional dinner out, if you know what I mean. But, like you, whenever possible I avoid those situations.

Choice, it's interesting that you're discovering this underlying issue of anger - I have some of that too. I have no idea where mine comes from, and it is dormant most of the time. But it rears its ugly head now and then. I think we'd see it under the surface of a lot of people, though, really. I guess the things we can't make perfect fester and swirl around until something triggers us. But, I think the longer we don't drink the better that will get. Have you thought about some counseling? I don't feel like my issue is at that level, but I can relate to it for sure.

R4L, I really understand that feeling you described when watching other people with their wine. My husband and I had a nice dinner out and he ordered a glass. It made me feel a little funny, but I just reminded myself that I wouldn't want just one and that I would drink enough to feel terrible today. It worked, and I just sort of focused on my food. It feels a little odd, though.....But when I think back to the two other times I tried to quit, I can see I've made a lot of progress.

Well, the meeting....first of all, I thought it was going to be all women but it wasn't. Really, I was sort of glad because I thought the men added something to it .... all age ranges just like the women. Quite a few of the women came up and hugged and welcomed me. They gave me phone numbers too. Really, I couldn't have felt more comfortable. I cried at the stories I heard.....I hate that raw feeling of not being in control, but somehow I think it's necessary for me to get myself out of my comfort zone and experience this. I'm such a private person, but there was something about being there that felt right to me. I think on some level I still want to think that "I'm not like them" and "I'm not that bad" but I am. Maybe I didn't progress to the level that some have, but I definitely could have and I know alcohol was making my life miserable. Anyway, I'm going to keep going because it was such a relief to be around people who understand this struggle. I think it may have been the best decision I could have made for my long-term sobriety.

Wishing everyone here a wonderful sober day - they really are better! I'm looking forward to a sober life and what it will bring. I know all about what being drunk is like - time for something new!

Hugs and Love to You All :lilheart:

[windy]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Wow Unwasted that is a remarkable feat! I have thought about going to a live support group myself, but have that feeling too "that I was not that bad". But again like you, it was making my life miserable. Good for you!! You are working really hard at this and keeping an open mind. I truly admire that about you.

I just wanted to say that is is a great thread and I have enjoyed reading it and catching up.

[Unwasted]

MARCH MOTIVATORS

Hi Windy - welcome! So glad you're joining us. I used to see your posts but haven't run across them lately. Hope you're doing well.

I wanted to add a note about the meeting....I can see how the group dynamic and specific people there could make or break one's wanting to return. I got really lucky.