Help please

[one2many]

Help please

ladyjan;1272520 wrote: I'm going to the doc now to get my leg re-dressed it bleed all night, I suppose also coz of the blood thinners I take from the epilepsy

Bonnie has custody of him and waiting for a call from the fiscalia, he cannot be "taken" as I have done nothing wrong, I have been begging & begging themto do something even take him into care or a centre where he can get help....but nothingI just have to wait..until someting like last night..
he didn't want to do his homework and I wouldn't let him play on his pc until he did..

so he just went evil, I know it may sound silly but I took him to baseball on wednesday so he learnt how to throw a ball straight and hard...
I had a bowl of oranges, he picked them up and threw them at me, hard, he then picked up a cricket bat and threatend me with it waving it to my head, I fell over a chair running away and split my leg open, anything he could find he was throwing at me.

my back and arms are covered in bruises..luckily I kept my mobile coz the last time he hid them all, I called 112(emergency) and Bonnie before, so when I was on the phone she came and spoke to them and explained, thank god they toook it serious enough to come staight away with two wagons, so to go seperatly.

I cried all nighht when I got home,woke at 7:30 in a daze not sure if he was here or not for school...how stupid..??
my head is in a spin..I've called again this morn to the centre for domestic violence....still waiting for a call back...!!
can you believe it...I know you guys were angry with me before thinking I had done nothing..but I had..but all falls on deaf ears..now it's come to this the guardia civil said they must act..child services and he has been seperated from me and put in bonnie's custody, for my safety........shit....

Jan, that is just horrendous, please leave him in Bonnies custody and try to heal yourself and get some rest, you must be feeling awful. xx

[stirly-girly]

Help please

one2many;1272526 wrote: Jan, that is just horrendous, please leave him in Bonnies custody and try to heal yourself and get some rest, you must be feeling awful. xx

Jan, what Oney said. Leave Ollie to Bonnie's care and take care of yourself. You have to get well, hun, and this is a good start. Please keep us posted.:l

[anon]

Help please

I am so sorry Jan about this whole situation. For both Ollie and yourself need some resolution to enable you all to move on.

[rubywillow]

Help please

Jan, just caught up with this. I'm speechless. I know what you went through to get him back, love. But somewhere, somehow, there has been damage we pray can be mended. My heart bleeds for you as a mother, yet after this, he has to be held accountable for his actions. Puberty is a bitch on it's own, and he has the past contributing. Guard yourself, as you get the help he needs outside the home. I know you'll be vigilant over his care, but it's not something you can handle alone. His problems now are his, to work out in the right situations, with care. And as long as you're a presence, but in the background, he may yet be able to fight his own demons. Don't give up yet, but don't give in. The best you can do is give him the best help to get himself well, while you always let him know you love him. This is a tragedy, for you and your child, and I'm SO sorry. Someone is always here for you while he gets well.There are no quick answers, friend. Give him and the experts you trust the time to help him work through this. And :hug: to you, dear girl, you should be an example of hard work, but telling him that now won't make it happen. It's his path. Take care of you. I'm so sorry.

[RingingCedars]

Help please

Jan my heart goes out to you and Ollie. Without a doubt you must not bring Ollie home until he is properly assessed and given anger management tools. Based on what you've been sharing this past month or so, it seems it was inevitable that the situation would escalate to this. I am thankful that this is all that has happened frankly. YOU MUST NOT BRING OLLIE BACK UNTIL ASSURED HE IS STABLE. You've now shown Ollie just how afraid you are of him and this gives him control, control that any angry perhaps mentally unstable CHILD will use to intimidate you. This just is not a good scenario, as you well know. The other thing I want to point out is that when it's all said and done, you are and always will be his mother. You will naturally will want to believe the best in him(rightly so) but will therefore struggle immensely with making excuses for him and diminishing the acts, if not immediately but with a little time. Please make sure that you get the counseling you will need to have proper boundaries when interacting with Ollie. I will keep you and Ollie and all involved in my thoughts and prayers. xo

[one2many]

Help please

RingingCedars;1272624 wrote: Jan my heart goes out to you and Ollie. Without a doubt you must not bring Ollie home until he is properly assessed and given anger management tools. Based on what you've been sharing this past month or so, it seems it was inevitable that the situation would escalate to this. I am thankful that this is all that has happened frankly. YOU MUST NOT BRING OLLIE BACK UNTIL ASSURED HE IS STABLE. You've now shown Ollie just how afraid you are of him and this gives him control, control that any angry perhaps mentally unstable CHILD will use to intimidate you. This just is not a good scenario, as you well know. The other thing I want to point out is that when it's all said and done, you are and always will be his mother. You will naturally will want to believe the best in him(rightly so) but will therefore struggle immensely with making excuses for him and diminishing the acts, if not immediately but with a little time. Please make sure that you get the counseling you will need to have proper boundaries when interacting with Ollie. I will keep you and Ollie and all involved in my thoughts and prayers. xo

Hear Hear RC, Great post.

[mario]

Help please

one2many;1272526 wrote: Jan, that is just horrendous, please leave him in Bonnies custody and try to heal yourself and get some rest, you must be feeling awful. xx
stirly-girly;1272532 wrote: Jan, what Oney said. Leave Ollie to Bonnie's care and take care of yourself. You have to get well, hun, and this is a good start. Please keep us posted.:l

As above ladyjan :l

[mama bear]

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Jan...I have a friend who's son attacked her in her sleep....with a knife.....and he was evetually diagnosed as bi-polar....and after some time he was on the proper meds, and things improved...
my heart is breaking for you, but listen to what everyone has said....protect yourself

[ladyjan]

Help please

mama bear;1272687 wrote: Jan...I have a friend who's son attacked her in her sleep....with a knife.....and he was evetually diagnosed as bi-polar....and after some time he was on the proper meds, and things improved...
my heart is breaking for you, but listen to what everyone has said....protect yourself

Mama this is what I have said to all these "profesionals" and they don't bloody listen...being truful it wasn't the chair I fell over , he whacked me with the cricket bat..I didn't want to tell the guardia civil or my daughter, but I think they suspected it..

it's like going back in time I shouldn't be scared or be second thinking my childs next move, same as I had to do with the father.
Oliver needs treatment NOW before he gets any older, he has already threated to kill our little dog, which he loves very much, but just coz she didn't want to be pulled about the way he wanted...
he has also said he would kill me with a knife when asleep..

BUT on the other side he is so sweet and good boy and loving...

I've been asleep most of the day on the sofa with his blanket and feel dizzy as hell,I miss him, but I know this must be done..

Bonnie said last night "if you don't denounce (report/complain) him mummy, I will, this heas got to stop"

I know she's right...

Zennie you once told me you can't just give your child away...and I'm not doing that.I don't think at the time you realised how bad the situation was....
give him away..I fought so hard to get him back, I'm not gonna give up now..he IS half volker but it doesn't mean he has to grow to be him, he is just copying what he's seen
and the poor boy has NEVER had treatment for it..

for as much as I have begged

[rubywillow]

Help please

Jan, it's a mental health problem. You can get your boy help, and he will thank you for it. Keep being his advocate, but not his assistant in his behavior. Sounds like there's something wrong that can't just be fixed with love, dearie. He needs professional help, and you need to be clear about his behavior, so they can understand what he needs. This is a horrible time for you. But he CAN come back to you healed if you just continue to support, be involved, keep readin and researching, but don't take this on alone. My prayers are with you always, love.

[stirly-girly]

Help please

Jan darling, you are not giving Ollie away. By letting them put him in a special centre or foster care, wherever he needs to go to get the help he needs, you are giving him the chance to overcome the fear and turmoil in his mind from what he has gone through so far in his young life. You will give him the chance for his wee soul to heal, giving him the chance to have others help him in the environment that he needs to be in at this time. And you will also give yourself time to heal as well. Get back to where you were before Ollie came home and you had turned your life around and everything was so much more positive.

What RC said is very true - you've shown Ollie that you're afraid of him and he will use that to control and intimidate you. You need to have someone guide you as to how to deal with Ollie - how to discipline him without feeling guilty about it - how to make and set guidelines for him. But before that can happen, he needs help to overcome the past and work through his anger and also learn to respect those around him. And he needs to be somewhere else to do that. So you are not giving your child away, nor are you giving up on him. You are giving him and yourself the space and time to heal. And that's what both of you need right now.

Jan, there have been times when have been in doubt as to whether you were trying to get the help you needed. You seemed all over the place so I couldn't be sure if you really had contacted the people you said you were going to. I apologize for that. I really didn't understand how bad the situation is and how difficult it has been for you trying to deal with his anger. Wanting to send him away and yet not wanting to let him go. Having a wee boy who is an angel one minute and a demon the next. I have never had to deal with something like that and I'm sorry for doubting you. I know how much you love Ollie and how hard this must be for you but it will be the best for both of you. Sending you :l and :h

[ladyjan]

Help please

thx for understanding Rubes..

also wirly stiry...I never took offence, just couldn't see how the army couln't understand me...I have bashed on all doors..believe me..

hopefully & sadly some action will be made, I was on the phone this morn as I said before for domestic violence, they also are gonna call/email the boss of all whats happened..
it's not alcohol at all..not had since few days before my blood test, on 7th january and be honest it's the furthest thing from my mind.....

ollie needs help in a centre for children of domestic violence..or mental disorder..fuck sake I have been everywhere but they don't talk with him....!!! only with me, first time left him in a corner playing with toys, while we spoke, yesterday left him outside and only spoke with me....crazy or wot?????

[rubywillow]

Help please

Wish I could talk on phone to you. You are in such grief. Start a journal, dearie, since you have no other recourse. Write it all down. It will help you to get it out and will be a good record in the future. I hurt for you, sweet girl. We'll get through this.

[expat3]

Help please

Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder in Children
Jan-have a look at this site. I know we should not diagnose ourselves or our children but I think researching and getting as much info as possible is a good thing. Doctors aren't magicians and especially with things like mental disorders-it can be very difficult. Also, them accepting that bipolar is possible in a child is kind of new.
I'll pm you.:l

[RedThread12]

Help please

Oh, Jan I just found this. Everyone is giving great support and suggestions, but, with very little time just now, I hope you'll read and re-read Ruby's posts. I think she's precisely on-target, so I'll just double her response with mine.

I have your email from some of our previous exchanges. When I have time, I will share with you how and why I so deeply KNOW that 1) Ollie cannot not do what he is doing; 2) you MUST keep yourself safe - that in NO WAY abandons him; and 3) some knowledge and experience that I have been working deeply with about how younger generations become enmeshed in and exhibit the secrets and hidden things of earlier generations.

I weep for you, Jan. It is such sorrow. Yet it is NOT your fault. Write that on a large piece of paper and "try it on" for a few days. There are clearly much, much larger forces at play here than a kid with a Mom who WAS an alcoholic. LOTS of kids have alcoholic Moms. That factor does not result in the behavior Ollie displays.

Much love and strength and support to you. You've come through so much. You will come through this; a stronger and deeper you.