alcohol blackouts

[pc613]

Just before xmas my wife attended her work xmas party and ended up waking up next to a coworker. She claims that she has no recollection of the evenings events from 7pm onwards until she work up the next morning-- claiming she blacked out on alcohol. I should mention that prior to this day we were the happiest couple in the world and had 2 weeks prior just ended fertility treatments to no avail. I had never ever had any reason not to trust her and this was honestly the last thing that I thought would ever happen in our marriage. I just can't move on because there is part of me that doubts she has told me the whole truth. She has even spoken to the coworker and he is claiming the same thing that he blacked out I suppose he is protecting himself as he has a girlfriend. She also claims that she had no interaction with the coworker other than for work --he is a student on placement and 10 years her junior. I just wanted some feedback.

[hope10]

alcohol blackouts

It is certainly possible that she doesn't remember anything that happened. I have had black outs where I could not remember if my husband and I had sex the night before. I would be so embarrassed to ask him what happened or to come downstairs to the living room and find the "scene" where it took place and I could not remember ANYTHING. It is very possible. I don't know about the guy blacking out too. Maybe so. Good luck with this!

[rubywillow]

alcohol blackouts

pc, I'm MUCH older, but blackouts are a reality, sadly. I don't know their circumstance, but with enough AL, you can lose DAYS, and have to be reminded of the sad and embarassing things you have done. I wish you the best, really, because only they know the truth, but it very well could be something they don't remember. I hope you can work through this, but it is at the least a signal to lay off the AL.

[Struggles 106]

alcohol blackouts

QUITE POSSIBLE

Hi and welcome to MWO. Without knowing anything about your wife's drinking history I would just say that of course the blackout is possible.
A lot of us here are quite familiar with blackouts. They are one of the worst parts of alcohol abuse. Sadly, the physiological reason for it is that your body cannot maintain memory and keep the body alive at the same time. To sustain respiration etc the brain gives up the ability to form, much less retain, short term memory.
If you care to engage-I would be curious to know if this was an isolated incident? What are the drinking patterns? If she is a drinker and this is the first blackout then she needs to stop.
IMHO drinking should stop when there are bad consequences, but what do I know? LOL
I drank destructively for years!

Lots os people here can give you a lot of information. So sorry for your situation.

[fennel]

alcohol blackouts

I will echo the others. It's totally possible. Intoxicated people do things they would NEVER in a MILLION years do while sober. I'm very sorry for your situation, and hope the two of you can work through this.

[CS04]

alcohol blackouts

Hi PC,
Sorry for what must be a very uncomfortable situation. I am glad you and your wife are at least able to talk about it. I hope that you are also able to talk with her (or she is able to talk with you) about other alcohol issues.

You may want to check out the section on "Family Members Affected by Drinking" (or something to that effect) if your truly feel that it is your wife's "problem." Ultimately we are all affected of course, and don't take this the wrong way. But if your wife is overdrinking and you are not, then you might find some insight in those messages.

I hope you and she can be honest with each other during this difficult time.

[Dave_]

alcohol blackouts

Blackouts are created by rapid intake of alcohol. It affects problem drinkers more than anyone else because dependant and excessive drinkers are more likely to ram vast quantities of booze into their system in a short period of time creating a brain's inability to retain and produce short term memories. It is interesting to know that it is often not the amount you have drunk but rather the speed at which the chemicals hit your systems that determines a blackout.

A quiet drink over the course of an afternoon with friends is unlikely to result in blackouts. Downing 1/2 bottle of vodka in 30 minutes will!

[Cinders]

alcohol blackouts

PC,

I have to echo what others here have said.

I use to travel extensively and am extremely grateful I never woke up with a stranger next to me.

There are many mornings I have awakened with absolutely no idea of what I did the night before. :-(

The important thing is truly not the "infidelity," but the fact that she drank to blackout.

You may not feel that way but blackouts are an indication that she might have an alcohol problem.

I hope not, for hers and yours sakes.

As an aside, marriage is not always easy. In the 36 plus years of my marriage, there have been some really rough patches.

Take a look at your wife and what she really means to you and what you mean to her. If there is love and commitment, it is well worth figuring out how to move on and forgive. I have done so numerous times and so has my husband. I am not talking about infidelity, btw, there are many other things that will crop up in life that are just as bad.

Being unable to forgive someone you love means you have a poor chance of staying with them.

I would bet she feels as badly as you do about this incident.

If necessary, make an appointment with a good marriage counselor so you can both discuss this issue in a constructive rather than destructive manner.

I am personally grateful that I am still married to the man I love despite some of the trials we have been through.

Cindi

[Running4life]

alcohol blackouts

I agree with all that has been said here. I have blacked out and have not been able to remember even one detail. It is mind boggling.
The infidelity with the co-worker is very upsetting to say the least and definately a breach of trust that is hard to get over. If it was me I would ask her to get councelling for ther drinking and then maybe some marriage councelling for both of you would help you to work through the pain it has caused.
Your marriage doesn't have to end, you can get through this with some help.
Take care,
R4L

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

alcohol blackouts

No question that she could have drank to blackout. As regards the guy well I have been out drinking on many many ocassions and have been sufficiently capable of getting home and then continuing to drink for hours and the next morning have no recollection of even leaving the pub. No matter how hard I tried I couldnt remember the lost hours even though I was functioning to a degree.
Put it down to one night of bad judgement and move on with your wife, she is probably mortified by what happened and could do with a big hug from the husband she loves. Don't let this mistake ruin what you guys have.

[Nelz]

alcohol blackouts

Agreed with all from above. I used to black out a LOT. Waking up in the AM to have to ask what had happened last night.

I also did many things, I would have never done while under the influence of AL. AL is a terrible thing when abused, and that seems to be what has happened.

I wish you luck in coming to some sort of understanding and acceptance with your wife.

[bouchard01]

alcohol blackouts

I too agree with all above. I have had blackouts and they seemed to be happening more and more .... mostly likely when I was into my third bottle of wine. I hate the shame I feel when I can't remember. I can't even bring myself to admit to another person that I don't remember because I feel so stupid.

True love is hard to find ... if you can work this out together I would advise you too see a counsellor and of course she needs to address the drinking issue ... remember "she" needs to do it cause nobody can do it for her.

I know the ups and downs of relationships and the work it takes to make the stronger but in the end you will both benefit and learn from his terrible hurtful mistake. I have been married for 35 years to my husband so I'm not just yapping.

I wish you both well ....

[choice]

alcohol blackouts

I'm so sorry for your situation. Blackouts are so dangerous. Unfortunately the person responsible is the one who blacked out and can't remember. Sometimes people drive in a complete black out but are responsible for their actions. She sounds like she is trying to be responsible for what happened. Hopefully this can be a red flag for her drinking and she can find a way to quit. I black out myself and kept trying to continue to "enjoy" alcohol.. the shame in continuing to black out was too much to bare. Once someone has hit this stage it is unlikely they can drink safely.. our bodies just can't handle it and it really is time to stop. If you forgive her (and I hope you can) I hope she can get help to stop drinking so this doesn't happen to you again. It sounds like you guys are dealing with a lot as far as the firtility situation is concerned. I hope you guys can find some peace soon.

[stella123]

alcohol blackouts

Blackouts are one of the main reasons I have quit AL, there have been times I couldn't walk down the street because I was so ashamed, of what? my husband would ask...just in case I would reply...I genuinely had no idea what I had done, but if someone said you did this that or the other i would think they were telling the truth because I did not know!!!!

My heart breaks for both you and your wife I hope you work it out x

[resrchqueen]

alcohol blackouts

The short answer is yes...I am all too familiar with the blackouts. I blacked out how much wine I drank last night and figured it out after looking in the recycling bin. A couple weeks ago, my hubbie and I both drank entirely too much at a family members wedding reception and woke up asking each other questions like...where did that jacket come from and why are there flowers on the floor of our hotel room. Alcohol in excess or in combination with other things such as prescription drugs can totally make you black out. I hope you can forgive your wife. It sounds like she needs her best friend right now more than ever.