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[rubywillow]

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Tipplerette;1278064 wrote: Having read this discussion which took place while I was out for dinner last night I have to acknowledge that we are all very passionate people and I really appreciate the lengths you are all willing to go to help a fellow traveler in this A/F journey.

I plan on ordering the antabuse and here is why: I believe the habit of opening and drinking that wine on a nightly basis is purely a mental thing. I KNOW I can have fun without alcohol and have often done just that. If I can break the nightly habit by 'not being able to drink' because of the terrible results, then by the time a few months have gone by, I will have unlearned the habit of nightly drinking and will have worked on creating more healthy habits and activities to fill my evenings. Antabuse is a CRUTCH - I agree with that. I have a 'broken' habit pattern and I want to use the crutch to limp along until I get strong enough to hobble along on my own.

Superscrew you are strong and you managed to give up alcohol without that crutch which is available and has proven to have good results. We all envy people like you but some of us don't have your strength and determination. It's really not that simple for some of us or we wouldn't be here.

Ginger Dust I know you're just protecting my best interests and were afraid I would be convinced not to go the antabuse route. I may still be able to do it without antabuse but at this point, I doubt it. I have a weak willed side to me despite what anyone says. It's just one of my faults. I am still hoping my sister can order them in the u.s. and send them to me in Canada.

So, please, let's stop debating about the merits of antabuse as we all have the right to our own opinions and what works for some is absolute garbage to another.

I am calmer this morning even though I had two glasses of wine with dinner. In a perfect world I would enjoy my wine with a dinner in a nice restaurant. I doubt though that I can ever achieve the balance necessary for this to happen. The mornings that kill me are the ones during the week when I went to bed tipsy for no reason except that I couldn't help myself...

Everyone enjoy your Saturday.

SO well said, Tip.

[Tipplerette]

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sunshine_gg;1278219 wrote: Loving your last post, Miss Tipps :l
Have a fabulous roast dinner and enjoy a calm and happy evening.

As for the conversation going on before that... I, too, wasn't "that bad". Bad enough for my taste but it wasn't a life and death decision. Perhaps, that's where the difference lies. For those of us who have relatively healthy relationships, make it to work, no DUIs, etc... the Antabuse definitely provides us with time and space to get out of the habitual thinking and really contemplate sobriety. After that, it's nice to have a little 'insurance' in your pocket for when you feel unwanted thoughts creeping in. At least, that has been MY experience.

Funny when you think of it, eh, (not in the ha ha sense, of course) but those with the most damaged lives due to drinking, because they have seen, first hand the damage that alcohol wreaks on one, sometimes find the inner strength to literally save their own lives... while those of us who have less to lose by drinking (at this point in time) seem to need more determination to succeed. This isn't a fact, just an observation.

[azurmyst]

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Well hello everyone. I have been doing really well them all of a sudden I find myself back at square one again. I take kudzu. l-glut, thistle 3 times a day. At first all three worked wonderfully keeping me from drinking, But. the last week I have drank to excess three days and am now feeling the guilt shame etc.... the combination that worked at first does not seem to have the same effect. I will admit it money is one of the issues. Plus living with a problem drinker is terrible. I get support from friends and check in daily but that does not take care of the magic hour from 5 to 7. I am wondering if any one has ordered anti craving meds on line and the dosage; I am desperate. I cannot go through this without help and I know this now. I am in a very troubled place with my life right now. I want to be free of the yuckiness. I hope someone will answer this post and shed some light.

I cannot afford a doctor visit right now. I will be able to purchase the meds next week sometime. I know from experience that If I am not around it I wont do it. I am truly needing some answers, Please help.

[Supercrew]

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Tipplerette;1278214 wrote: Thanks for holding out the olive branch Supercrew. We all want to discuss things and not dwell on our differences but find comfort in our similarities. We all have this fight in common and everyone's experience might not exactly resonate with everyone else's. This is to be expected.

At this point, I honestly don't know how you found the strength to do it but hey, I have only been trying to control it for 3 years and feeling desperate for a few months.

Tonight I am making a roast beef and all the fixings. This normally would be an excuse for a bottle of wine but tonight my wine glass is already full with pomegranate juice and soda. It's delicious and it looks lovely.

If it wasn't for the passion and real caring I have seen displayed yet again, here, I would probably be sipping ethanol. Why would I let you all down when you are all rooting for me. And, most importantly, maybe it's time I stopped letting myself down.

Love and especially, Peace

xoxo

Thanks for the great post! You brightened my day!

[Supercrew]

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For the record, no one aside from my wife really knew I had a problem with alcohol. I have a good career, great family, I was not in a major fiasco at the time other than being utterly depressed, and my marriage was rocky, but I never really thought I would get divorced or something. My DUI happened 10 years early when I didn't even recognize that my drinking was an issue. I felt my health was getting worse, but a doctor never substantiated it. But I was drinking heavy almost everyday. The reason why I write this is because although my situation might not have been truly dire, I perceived it that way. It was as bad I was was going to let it get. I still made a good living, coached all of my sons youth sports teams, none of my neighbors or aquaintences knew me to be anything other than a regular guy who went out with his friends occasionally. I held my booze well, so although it did affect my marriage, because she knew the truth, I wasn't on my death bed, broke and homeless drinking out of a paperbag in the gutter. But I recognized that I couldn't control my drinking, and drinking was making me unhappy and unhealthy. So if you saw me from the outside you might have perceived my drinking and my life as quite normal, I on the otherhand perceived it as my own daily hell.

If antabuse or any other system, drug, or program can help you stop, go for it. I have an aversion to any and all meds because I think they normally fix the pain temporarily but but they normally don't cure the issue. And I haven't always felt that way, I used to pop antacids and Tylenol and asprin like they were tic tacs. I don't have to anymore, because my body no longer hurts....I took away the cause, alcohol.

So basically my perceived rock bottom probably didn't look that bad looking from the outside in. But for me it was my lowest point.

[Tipplerette]

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We all live our lives looking out from inside our own existence... Gawd .. am I ever profound tonight. I imagine some people would laugh at my fretting over half bottle of wine a night... but I look at my life from here, in my little world, in my cottage, as a mother, as a new Grandmother and as a person seeking to find her spiritual path. Although alcohol hasn't affected my 'marriage' or my life in any negative way, I feel that my spiritual life can't blossom or even begin when I am numbed out every night and for me, from my own existence, this is suicide. So, that's why I keep fighting the little beast that could very well grow into a monster.

[mylife]

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Great posts everyone!

Tipp I really appreciate your posts and insight. I also have been a wine drinker with no real consequences. I drank 3/4 to 1 bottle most nights of the week, but it really didn't affect my work, relationships or anything except my weight and my moods! That was enough for me to want to stop but it wasn't enough to make me stay stopped. My plan with the antabuse is precisely as some of you described - a way to get enough time in without Alcohol that hopefully I'll relearn some good habits that will stick forever.

Hope you all have a great AF Saturday evening!

[daisy45]

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Tipplerette;1278247 wrote: We all live our lives looking out from inside our own existence... Gawd .. am I ever profound tonight. I imagine some people would laugh at my fretting over half bottle of wine a night... but I look at my life from here, in my little world, in my cottage, as a mother, as a new Grandmother and as a person seeking to find her spiritual path. Although alcohol hasn't affected my 'marriage' or my life in any negative way, I feel that my spiritual life can't blossom or even begin when I am numbed out every night and for me, from my own existence, this is suicide. So, that's why I keep fighting the little beast that could very well grow into a monster.

Tipps, I was a 2 bottles of Chardonnay a night drinker with the odd night off. Even so, I totally 'get' what you are striving for. I feel just the same about the spiritual life. Alcohol is an 'obstacle' that gets in the way. I wasn't able to see this until I got 3 months sober in 2010. Now I know, I want a sober life more than ever...my reasons are different now from when I first started this journey. Back then it was solely health and family - I didn't realise that there is so much more to life when alcohol is eliminated....yes, I messed up a few times but along the way I have continued to read, learn and set up things to do which can only happen if I stay sober - I just have a gut feeling this is my time now, probably bacause I am not 'trying not to drink' but 'deciding to live a full and worthwhile life'. So don't you ever give up; we'll get there....:h

[Tipplerette]

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mylife;1278263 wrote: Great posts everyone!

Tipp I really appreciate your posts and insight. I also have been a wine drinker with no real consequences. I drank 3/4 to 1 bottle most nights of the week, but it really didn't affect my work, relationships or anything except my weight and my moods! That was enough for me to want to stop but it wasn't enough to make me stay stopped. My plan with the antabuse is precisely as some of you described - a way to get enough time in without Alcohol that hopefully I'll relearn some good habits that will stick forever.

Hope you all have a great AF Saturday evening!

Have you started the antabuse yet? I certainly would like someone to go through this journey with. My sister hasn't even agreed to order it for me yet. But I will take it easy until it arrives and choose a 'stop' date. Honestly, I am anti-medication but I look forward to using this tool if need be. I have wondered how long one stays on antabuse. I know it's individual but is there a pattern? Anyone?

[Tipplerette]

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daisy45;1278286 wrote: Tipps, I was a 2 bottles of Chardonnay a night drinker with the odd night off. Even so, I totally 'get' what you are striving for. I feel just the same about the spiritual life. Alcohol is an 'obstacle' that gets in the way. I wasn't able to see this until I got 3 months sober in 2010. Now I know, I want a sober life more than ever...my reasons are different now from when I first started this journey. Back then it was solely health and family - I didn't realise that there is so much more to life when alcohol is eliminated....yes, I messed up a few times but along the way I have continued to read, learn and set up things to do which can only happen if I stay sober - I just have a gut feeling this is my time now, probably bacause I am not 'trying not to drink' but 'deciding to live a full and worthwhile life'. So don't you ever give up; we'll get there....:h

You know Daisy you and I are alot alike. We've been on many threads together and I really see you in me. I have some underlying issues of lonliness living out here in the countryside not knowing my neighbors and that contributes to the boredom that invites the cravings. I think I'll have to sort out that issue before long. From your posts, I believe you are very close to 'getting there' too. You have done the work. I think it boils down to many failures eventually equals success. If you don't ever try you're guaranteed to remain a drunk but if you constantly try BY GOD you'll make it. Congratulations on getting there!

[BlondeAFAmbition]

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Tipp, just wanted to chime in and give you my best wishes on the new program with Antabuse. I was also a daily red wine drinker and I understand how hard it is to break that nightly habit, believe me. But like Unwasted, it wasn't the reasonable amount I was drinking...it's just that I drank every night a few glasses, and yes, some nights that would lead to a bottle. No wonder it is hard, to break a habit that has been in our lives for so long. But you CAN do it if you choose. All the best...we are here for ya!

[Tipplerette]

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BlondeAFAmbition;1278448 wrote: Tipp, just wanted to chime in and give you my best wishes on the new program with Antabuse. I was also a daily red wine drinker and I understand how hard it is to break that nightly habit, believe me. But like Unwasted, it wasn't the reasonable amount I was drinking...it's just that I drank every night a few glasses, and yes, some nights that would lead to a bottle. No wonder it is hard, to break a habit that has been in our lives for so long. But you CAN do it if you choose. All the best...we are here for ya!

Thanks, Blondie, having you guys in my corner and actually getting it is so important and inspiring.

[mylife]

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Tipplerette;1278297 wrote: Have you started the antabuse yet? I certainly would like someone to go through this journey with. My sister hasn't even agreed to order it for me yet. But I will take it easy until it arrives and choose a 'stop' date. Honestly, I am anti-medication but I look forward to using this tool if need be. I have wondered how long one stays on antabuse. I know it's individual but is there a pattern? Anyone?

Hi Tipps,

I started with the AB on Feb 18 or so. I ordered it from River Pharmacy. I was really struggling with getting 30 days again and I just felt that I needed something to help me get through the early days. I took 1/2 pill daily for the first week and since then I've been taking 1/2 pill every other day. I'm already thinking about slowly tapering off and just having maybe 1/2 pill on Friday or something just in case and then keep it in a drawer or something for vacations. It has really helped me to get through (almost 30 days now!) these early days. I recommend it highly. And I had no SE's whatsoever. Of course I haven't touched a drop of Alcohol!

Good luck and keep me posted! Sunshine GG also started with antabuse and I know she's in Canada, so she might be able to help you find a source. :l

[daisy45]

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Tipplerette;1278300 wrote: You know Daisy you and I are alot alike. We've been on many threads together and I really see you in me. I have some underlying issues of lonliness living out here in the countryside not knowing my neighbors and that contributes to the boredom that invites the cravings. I think I'll have to sort out that issue before long. From your posts, I believe you are very close to 'getting there' too. You have done the work. I think it boils down to many failures eventually equals success. If you don't ever try you're guaranteed to remain a drunk but if you constantly try BY GOD you'll make it. Congratulations on getting there!

Hey Tips, I agree; I have been a single mum now 14 years and devoted myself to my 4 children. When they were growing up, I spent every night alone and possibly that is where wine became my friend. They are now 16,17, 19 and 20 so I am finding they are not home as much and I have been left with a massive void. The likelihood of me drinking even more was becoming very real. So, I have, over the past year and a half filled my life with new things in anicipation of the life I want to live. I volunteer, paint, exercise regularly and read a lot. I am now contemplating getting the knitting out again - I am midway through an Aran scarf which has been calling my name this past 3 years! You know what they say, 'Fail to plan, plan to fail!'
And Tipps, 'God loves a trier!!!':H

[Tipplerette]

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mylife;1278474 wrote: Hi Tipps,

I started with the AB on Feb 18 or so. I ordered it from River Pharmacy. I was really struggling with getting 30 days again and I just felt that I needed something to help me get through the early days. I took 1/2 pill daily for the first week and since then I've been taking 1/2 pill every other day. I'm already thinking about slowly tapering off and just having maybe 1/2 pill on Friday or something just in case and then keep it in a drawer or something for vacations. It has really helped me to get through (almost 30 days now!) these early days. I recommend it highly. And I had no SE's whatsoever. Of course I haven't touched a drop of Alcohol!

Good luck and keep me posted! Sunshine GG also started with antabuse and I know she's in Canada, so she might be able to help you find a source. :l

It's great to know that it's possible to take a low dose and still be terrified to drink. I love your limited use of AB. It's exactly what I'll do if and when I start on it. My sister is studiously ignoring my email and every time she calls, there are people around so I don't want to bring it up. I'll confirm her cooperation by mid week and I know she'll come through after I explain myself to her. In case you missed it, she lives in the U.S. and I am asking her to order AB and mail it to me here in Canada.

Great information and thanks.