Ever feel like a fraud?

[Beaches]

Every day you go to work. You work hard. You get everything done. You come home come take care of the kids. You tend to the duties of home, duties of family, duties of friends and all the other duties you have. People tell you that you are strong, that you are wonderful, that they admire you. You have everything under control, you are the rock, you are emotionally under control, you are the mediator, you never lose your temper, you are a role model.

Then as you drink you sit and wonder what would these people think if only they could see me now?

[Saint Jude]

Ever feel like a fraud?

Yep. I know what you mean. I'm always the happy go lucky, little joke teller, get it done, work hard, have it together, always happy... you know the drill...

But there's those times when I get tired of doing the chores, or spending so much time alone...when I'm not @ work. There's not a lot to do around here, but go to the beach, hike and (kayak in the summer). Which I love. But it's hard to find people that want to go, and I usually enjoy my time alone. But there are those times...

I wonder if I'm just a social outcast. But I don't want to hang out @ the bar, and I'm not much for drinking coffie at the bookstore either. Thank God for my Doggie.:h And of course ALL of YOU HERE!:l

[lushy]

Ever feel like a fraud?

Funny you bring this up because I was just ruminating the other night about how my college friends have probably all moved on from their drinking days and here I am with a big problem. And how shocked they would all be if they knew. On the surface to outsiders I am not a drinker, but I know the real truth.

And Jude you are not alone. I am the President of not only the muffin club here, but also of the Social Misfits Society. I do like my time alone, always have, but as I am getting older I find it gets lonely at times.....and yet I feel like I am just so different from the people I have met in the last few years. I am grateful for the few close friends I have and of course all of you here.

P.S. Beaches did you use to go under another name? Are you NP?

[Java]

Ever feel like a fraud?

Oh YEAH NP I caught that too, and you changed your avatar!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nice try!!!!! You tricky tricky tricky little one!!!

[fsophiah]

Ever feel like a fraud?

OMG! One thing I have always said is that I feel that I don't really have friends. I don't call people up to chat. I always feel as though there is something people wouldn't like about me or don't like about me, even though I appear to be an achiever. Of course, as I think about it, I have to ask myself why people like us hang out online...

[irishlady]

Ever feel like a fraud?

YES, YES AND YES.....I can relate to the social thing...Even before my drinking became a problem I would much rather stay at home with a good book or a movie, to actually get ready and go out with friends was and still is a torture for me, although now I have enough confidence to say to people, count me out, whenever an outing is being organised at work for instance...

Like all of you, I don't seek people out for company, prefering my own, also according to my work colleagues I have bags of confidence and there is nothing I can't do, I was offered a management position last year and of course I convinced myself that I couldn't do the job so I turned it down, yet inside and deep down I wanted that job so badly...

So I wonder if this is a common trait amongst people like us, the fact that we are in a way loners, we prefer our own company, and I don't mean when we were or are drinking, but all the time...Interesting thought...

[happycamper68]

Ever feel like a fraud?

I am a HUGE fraud. Huge. The biggest. Unless I am kidding myself, all my friends think I am the best mother in the world, most of my family (except one) thinks I have all my crap together, and it is getting harder and harder to live this lie. My hubby knows who I really am and I have no idea why he stays. Since losing my job I am have become lazy, depressed, and miserable. Only the people here and my hubby knows that. My hubby has a new job and I feel like the single parent to an autistic child most of the time now. She goes to school Monday through Friday and gets home at 3:30. I have until 3:30 to be productive. Am I? No. I try but I barely do a thing until she gets home.

What does my family think I do? Run errands and spend time in Manhattan and have lunch with my friends. Do I? No. Do I drink at home during the day? No. I save that until the evening and that's why my mornings and afternoons are shot. I'm lucky if I get out of the house before she gets home from school to buy food. I don't do laundry because I have no machine so I send it out and even that is a fucking chore and I don't even wash it. I can order my food from a great online supermarket delivery service. The only thing I do is keep my place clean because I am too lazy to leave for 6 hours and get a maid in here. I complain that I am lonely and that every day is like Groundhog day but I do nothing to change it. I barely eat except for when hubby comes home and that is late. I just had dinner with my newly unestranged dad and stepmom for first time in 9 months. We took the baby out and I feel more healthy than I have in ages because I actually ate and got out of the f-ing house and didn't have a drink in the restaurant because I didn't want them to see me drink in front of my kid.

My daughter goes to bed and I get started boozing my 7:30 pm (trying to start later every night) and by the time she gets home from school I have my shit together. And then it starts all over again. The weekends are the worst because I actually have to take care of my daughter. How disgusting is that, that I have even admitted that?? UGH!!! I have had one lousy week. My anxiety is through the roof and I am drinking valerian tea during the day and instead of being leveled it is just getting me feeling somewhat normal, and I am also taking klonopin. I should be in bed with all the crap I take. Ugh again. And NP what's with the Beaches? It is a very pretty avatar. Is that where you want to be? I want to be anywhere but here. Ugh one last time.

Oh and Lush no way are you the only one from college having these problems. No way hon. if you can keep a good secret so can they.

[Java]

Ever feel like a fraud?

oh camper....

[betty boop]

Ever feel like a fraud?

HI All,

Yes, I agree ....

I consider myself very lucky, I have many friends, friends who call me regularly for a chat, ask how I am, etc. etc.

However there are only 2 friends that know about my drinking ......

On the outside people see the always happy always smiling always bubbly, organising fundraisers, school governer, public speaking Paula who is alway perfect.....I'm the one that they all turn to with thier trivial problems etc.

Very few people see inside of that, I've recently seen my daughter have brain surgery, & hit the bottle .....

Sorry if this has got me on my soapbox, but I think we all put on a facade instead of being honest ....

Paula xx

[happycamper68]

Ever feel like a fraud?

Paula,
Not a soapbox, just our damn lives.

Hey Victoria, I told you I needed a new name!

[lushy]

Ever feel like a fraud?

Happy, you sound exactly like I did when I was majorly depressed a few years back........I know the dread of the weekends and feeling guilty that you are too burned out emotionally to want to take care of your daughter. I know the anger at your husband because of his stupid work hours; mine works nights and weekends AND all major holidays. I understand it. I could give you the pat responses like go see a therapist, get on an antidepressant, look for a job, etc., but I won't because I know it pissed me off when people did. All I can say is do the best you can. Try and do something each day to get you closer to feeling more like your old self. I know your pain and I am sorry.

[Java]

Ever feel like a fraud?

well camper I LIKE YOUR NAME!!!!!

[Java]

Ever feel like a fraud?

if you try to change it I will get everyone to sign a petition

[happycamper68]

Ever feel like a fraud?

LOL :h

[sammys]

Ever feel like a fraud?

As far as I know you never know what goes on in peoples houses, please do not think that just because in alot of families there is no drinking that everything is peachy keen. I think there is as much disfunction in homes everywhere booze or not. I think this is where its our choice on how we want to live, if we choose to make it better than we know it will be hard. Nothing in life worth anything is easy or everyone would have it.

Sammys