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**lushy** · January 27, 2007, 06:27 PM

I've met a man..... (not for those with limited time!)

Where is Gabby???!!!! She can tell you all about sober sex.

In a nutshell, I would say take it VERY slow with him. He sounds great, but you know how those first few weeks/months we put someone on a pedestal where perhaps they do not belong because the infatuation hormones are raging? It might not be the best match for two drinkers trying to stay sober to be together, or it could be the best impetus in the world for you to cheer each other on. Just try and see him for what he is. If he says or shows something that is telling about himself that you do not like, do not push it to the side only wanting to see what is good. Take it slow and enjoy the ride.......

Now if you can just get Gabby to tell you about sober sex...................

**betty boop** · January 27, 2007, 06:31 PM

I've met a man..... (not for those with limited time!)

Hi Flip ...

WOW, I think that you should enjoy his company and 'go with the flow'

As for your self confidence issues, personality is far more important than looks, and it sounds like you have clicked........ You say that he's funny ets, and not about his looks, so that tells me that you like the overall package ...

Anyway, Sober Sex!!!!! (shut your eyes guys) Trust me, If you are turned on by this guy it will be better than drunk sex, and ....... YOU WILL REMEMBER IT.......... & that my dear is a biggy LOL :H

Enjoy his company & if he makes you laugh, then hang on to him, that is very important.....

Keep us informed Flip...

Paula xx

**happycamper68** · January 27, 2007, 06:48 PM

I've met a man..... (not for those with limited time!)

Flip you've got to be flipping kidding me! So many questions!!!

How long has it been since he stopped drinking? OMG the sober sex thing, you'll really have to ask someone else LOL! I know it's better but I cannot remember!

My thoughts have always been not to get involved with anyone that has the same problems you do (ie I would never date a smoker now I that I have quit for 5 years), but this one is a toughy. Why is he convinced he'll go on a bender. You can't save someone from going on a bender and you are pretty new to the site and have been AF for not very long in the scheme of things to save them from a bender or going along for the ride. What do you think?

My dad is in AA (I am not a proponent of AA mind you) and their rule is no drinking for 1 year, preferably 5, but I know most people don't do that. He married someone in AA after way longer than that. I'm most worried about his bender comment, you'll need to talk to him about that more. You are definitely good enough for him, who cares how much you weigh or how many kids you have, I'm worried about the drinking part. I don't think I've helped much. Take it slowwwwwwwwwwww. :h

**Newyear** · January 27, 2007, 06:57 PM

I've met a man..... (not for those with limited time!)

Hi Flip-

Wow....what a ride huh?? You just never know where or when you will meet the right person.
I would agree that you should take things slow. Definitely don't overlook clues or ignore potential issues.
But you are the only one who can decide about him. Take lots of time. BTW>>>>>Nothing comes close to sober sex-so much better!

Good Luck!!
Lisa

**sammys** · January 27, 2007, 07:40 PM

I've met a man..... (not for those with limited time!)

Well,well my dear lets just take it easy and enjoy yourself. You could have a realy good friendship with this guy or you could get romantic and then all the stuff that goes with that. Just remember we all have a past at our age and that is normal, but take it slow cause true colors like tempers, serious financial problems et. take a while to appear of course. You sound excited so have some fun just be cautious don't let him move in or anything OK. Let me know how it goes.

Sammys

**SKendall** · January 27, 2007, 11:40 PM

I've met a man..... (not for those with limited time!)

Flip,
Be careful, but have some fun!

**YoungAtHeart** · January 28, 2007, 09:31 AM

I've met a man..... (not for those with limited time!)

My take would be to enjoy yourself but proceed with caution. If this is for real, it will stand the test of time and proceed at a normal, not a breakneck, pace. There's nothing wrong with going slow, even if our emotions and our hormones are yelling, "GO, GO, GO!!!" My experience is that relationships that take off really fast will crash and burn really fast as well.

Good luck, Flip! Take care of your heart. I don't mean to be a downer.

Hugs,
Kathy:l

**Quiescent** · January 28, 2007, 09:56 AM

I've met a man..... (not for those with limited time!)

He has done AA for years, and is currently sober, but I asked him if he would ever drink again and he admitted that he thought he would, at some point go on a bender.

There you go Flip. It's written in plain English. He is telling you the truth and you are plugging your ears.

We women have a way of doing that.

Don't let anyone compromise your progress.

You could just have some fun sober sex though and not get in too deep emotionally:H
(forget I said that......that's impossible to do)

**daisy** · January 28, 2007, 11:06 AM

I've met a man..... (not for those with limited time!)

Sober sex is great!
I just recently started having sober sex with my hubby. It was so much better than when I was drunk. I remembered everything! Just colose your eyes and go with the flow.

**YoungAtHeart** · January 28, 2007, 11:22 AM

I've met a man..... (not for those with limited time!)

I'm confused about his intentions, how can he find me attractive? I'm fairly overwieght, I come with two teenage kids and I have HAD a drinking problem.

On the other hand, I earn way more than he does, am stable, with my own home, lots of friends, great personality, lots of fun, very giving and kind.

He's lonely, has few friends in town and works from home so doesn't socialise much

Hi Again, Flip,

This is one part of the post that concerned me. No only your feelings about yourself, but some of these reasons that he might be drawn to you that are not just about lovable you! You would be a quick ticket to a social life that he doesn't have to build himself, as well as stability, income, etc., even with the teenagers and a few extra pounds. If you don't know what his intentions are, give this some time and let HIM show you what they are. If he is sincere, he will prove it. I read an article recently that women who are skeptical about men's intentions often end up the happiest when they are finally in a relationship. Why? Because they have weeded out the insincere ones. Again, if this is for real, it will stand the test of time.

More hugs,
Kathy:l

**Accountable for Me** · January 28, 2007, 02:19 PM

I've met a man..... (not for those with limited time!)

I agree!!! Sober sex is FANTASTIC!!!!!!!! Completely different than drunken sex! I must admit however, after being pretty much drunk for the last two years it was almost like the "first time" all over again - and I am married!!! I was completely nervous!!!!!!!! But it was so awesome! (yeah, sorry for the TMI thing)

Flip, just take it slow for now. If it is fate, things will fall into place when they are suppose to............. WHOO HOO.... happy for you!

EK · January 28, 2007, 06:30 PM

I've met a man..... (not for those with limited time!)

Flip, hi, I read your story - how exciting! Why is it we are so ashamed of ourselves if we're a bit heavy, and men not so much? It doesn't DEFINE them like us. I wish you the best, and think you've got alot of good advice here from your online buds. I would chime in on the "know you're putting him on a pedestal" and don't go too nuts, the blinders come off your eyes in 3-6 months.

**Flip** · January 28, 2007, 09:03 PM

I've met a man..... (not for those with limited time!)

this is torture!

Thank you for your great words everyone.. .

I know I have to take this slowly - to be honest I'm not even sure he is actually interested in a relationship. He may just want some company. That said, I've spent every day this week with him. We've been walking, watching movies, going out for dinner, motor and pushbike riding and TALKING for hours and hours. We talk about everything. Especially drinking. But we have spent hours discussing the existance of the "higher power", near death experiences and fate. He's a believer, I'm not. Makes for good discussions.

He obviously enjoys my company, but, as so well pointed out, I have self esteem issues and I can't imagine anyone finding me psyically attractive, mostly because of the excess weight. Ok, totally because of the excess weight.

How slow is slow? When is it appropriate to show interest? This is the VERY FIRST time I've been sober through this process!!! It's so easy when you are drunk. One snog, one word in the ear and you know what they want.... or not! Do I try and kiss him? Wait for him to make the first move? Ask him? Damn, I feel like I'm 16 again.

I know I'm sending mixed messages to him, it's like part of me is pulling and the other part is pushing. I also know that time will take care of all of these concerns, and it's been a great distraction! Just about to hit 2 months sober and totally missed my 60th day celebration!

The admission that he would probably drink again doesn't concern me at this time, I couldn't assure anyone that I wouldn't drink again at this time either. He's in exactly the same position as me - you just have to trust that you won't, but can't be complacent.

(Imagine- you are totally right, there is no such thing as free "fun" sex for women - open your legs, and you open your heart)

Watch this space!

flip

**Andy1111** · January 28, 2007, 10:25 PM

I've met a man..... (not for those with limited time!)

Flip, I really can't offer much advice, but I did want to send congrats to you on your 60th AF day!

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