Just after making the decision that I had to do something about all this drinking, I was told that I had to leave for a business trip for a week, and that I would be traveling with a VP who is known for her partying. LOVELY! Well, thankfully, I discovered that I would be on a different plane, in a different hotel and in different meetings than her, so I figured I could probably avoid her partying when necessary, we just had to share a rental car on occassion... no problem.
However, the thought of this trip cause a HUGE amount of anxiety. I recalled my visit with my therapist when I shared that I needed to do something about my drinking and that my ultimate goal was moderation but I wanted to start with a rather lengthy time of abstinence. She asked me about why moderation, and I told her that I wanted to be normal...to be like "everybody else" and she proceeded to go through this long story about how "everybody" doesn't drink and the ones who don't aren't all recovering alkies. I'll give her the point that a sweeping "everybody" generalizing is a bit much, but drinking is pervasive, and the idea of traveling to my corporate headquarters and not having to deal with a drinking social situation was a bit much to expect and the idea frankly brought me to tears just thinking about it. Here I was, fianlly at a place where I was motivated and ready to make a change and this was WAY too soon to test me!!! (The trip would be taken just 14 days after I stopped drinking).
My initial abstience goal was 90days, and then a program of mainence moderation (too long to explain the "program" here but I'll be happy to expound my plan if you want to email me. I didn't make it totally AF throught the trip. I was taken out to dinner one night. If it would have been a HUGE group, I think it would have been easier to just order a diet coke, but it was just me and two others and they ordered a bottle of wine and the waiter brought three glasses and poured me one. I sipped. I made sure and ordered ice water and a glass of coffee too and kept those as my primary beverages. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't as hard as I thought. After that, we went for a walk around this shopping center and the other two girls wanted to check out this bar. Something in me at that point just got mad (not sure AT whom) and I just went in and sat down and ordered a diet coke and that was the end of my struggle for the night - one of the other girls ordered a diet coke too and we when home about an hour later.
Then, my childhood bestfriend lived nearby, she came for a visit. I signed myself up for that temptation. We shared a bottle of wine at dinner and then I slipped and suggested that we get another for when we went back to the hotel for watching Grey's Anatomy (yeah, I'm a big partier you see). I did sip, not gulp, but still that was more of a slip than a controlled decision to have a glass of wine.
Then, the last day, the girl that took me to the airport suggested that we stop off for a glass of wine before the airport since we had time, by that time, I'm thinking what the hell, what's one more glass. I did just have one.
Anyway, here I am back on the wagon, and happy to be that way.
I'm trying to decide whether to tell my therapist about my slip, cause she's already skeptical about my whole "plan" to eventually moderate anyway.
I'm not sure how I feel. I have times when I'm dissappointed in myself for slipping off of my plan, and then times when I feel like patting myself on the back for not going off the deep end. I was alone most nights that I was there. I could have EASILY walked over to the store accross the street and picked up whatever I wanted and drank up a storm and no one would have know (except me of course), but I didn't. That is a BIG step!!!
Anyway, I could use some encouragement and some honest advice about the therapist thing if anyone has any.
Thanks
However, the thought of this trip cause a HUGE amount of anxiety. I recalled my visit with my therapist when I shared that I needed to do something about my drinking and that my ultimate goal was moderation but I wanted to start with a rather lengthy time of abstinence. She asked me about why moderation, and I told her that I wanted to be normal...to be like "everybody else" and she proceeded to go through this long story about how "everybody" doesn't drink and the ones who don't aren't all recovering alkies. I'll give her the point that a sweeping "everybody" generalizing is a bit much, but drinking is pervasive, and the idea of traveling to my corporate headquarters and not having to deal with a drinking social situation was a bit much to expect and the idea frankly brought me to tears just thinking about it. Here I was, fianlly at a place where I was motivated and ready to make a change and this was WAY too soon to test me!!! (The trip would be taken just 14 days after I stopped drinking).
My initial abstience goal was 90days, and then a program of mainence moderation (too long to explain the "program" here but I'll be happy to expound my plan if you want to email me. I didn't make it totally AF throught the trip. I was taken out to dinner one night. If it would have been a HUGE group, I think it would have been easier to just order a diet coke, but it was just me and two others and they ordered a bottle of wine and the waiter brought three glasses and poured me one. I sipped. I made sure and ordered ice water and a glass of coffee too and kept those as my primary beverages. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't as hard as I thought. After that, we went for a walk around this shopping center and the other two girls wanted to check out this bar. Something in me at that point just got mad (not sure AT whom) and I just went in and sat down and ordered a diet coke and that was the end of my struggle for the night - one of the other girls ordered a diet coke too and we when home about an hour later.
Then, my childhood bestfriend lived nearby, she came for a visit. I signed myself up for that temptation. We shared a bottle of wine at dinner and then I slipped and suggested that we get another for when we went back to the hotel for watching Grey's Anatomy (yeah, I'm a big partier you see). I did sip, not gulp, but still that was more of a slip than a controlled decision to have a glass of wine.
Then, the last day, the girl that took me to the airport suggested that we stop off for a glass of wine before the airport since we had time, by that time, I'm thinking what the hell, what's one more glass. I did just have one.
Anyway, here I am back on the wagon, and happy to be that way.
I'm trying to decide whether to tell my therapist about my slip, cause she's already skeptical about my whole "plan" to eventually moderate anyway.
I'm not sure how I feel. I have times when I'm dissappointed in myself for slipping off of my plan, and then times when I feel like patting myself on the back for not going off the deep end. I was alone most nights that I was there. I could have EASILY walked over to the store accross the street and picked up whatever I wanted and drank up a storm and no one would have know (except me of course), but I didn't. That is a BIG step!!!
Anyway, I could use some encouragement and some honest advice about the therapist thing if anyone has any.
Thanks
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