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[one2many]

How do you feel about this quote?

Chillgirl;1283484 wrote: Windy - The way I see it is that people often use having no will power as an excuse to fail at something. I dont have any more or less will power than the next person. when I have failed at things in the past is been down to my lack of commitment to wanting whatever it is. I havent "wanted" it badly enough. When we truly want something with all our hearts and soul we usually succeed.

AMEN!

[windy]

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Super and Chill -- Thanks so much for your thoughtful answers as they really gave me something to think about last night. AND.....I totally agree. There were times when I thought I was ready to give up alcohol for good, and had my head around it, just to fail as the day wore on and the craving kicked in. I thought I could getter done just on willpower alone. That was not enough as I learned. This was a rude awakening for me and a clear indication that I had a habit I could not control and shear willpower was not going to be the answer to my compulsions. I needed to REALLY want to quit, probably more than I have ever wanted to do anything and I mean ANYTHING. And like you Super, it took literally years to get to that point. Willpower is truly a loosely head term in my opinion.

I now think that some people rely too much of just willpower, and, for the most part, we get what we need on willpower alone. But quitting something you are addicted to is a whole different animal. To really want something more than anything you have ever wanted and are unable to get it just by wanting it is quite an eye opener! That's where and when you decide (or not) to do the hard work. To me that's the difference. Quitting alcohol or any other addiction has to be the hardest work you will ever have to do, in my humble opinion.

[Unwasted]

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I agree with this quote but the bigger questions is: How do we get to the point where we really want it and are ready?

It is failing, hitting bottom, being miserable enough that makes us want it? That's the million dollar question.

I'm there now but wasn't for a long time. I'm sure people here who are struggling would like to know the answer to that question too. It's complex and very individual, but it's definitely true that you have to want to be sober in a very profound way or you'll stay in the rut.

[caysea]

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Hi All
Just some personal thoughts about a very good topic.
The aspect of willpower also has to be discused with self discipline. It is making good choices that self discipline helps us with in living a healthy life.
The aspect of wanting it more then anything else I think is the motivator. In saying you have to want it, you have to have the click for recovery to work I think may be misleading to some. Yes for most of us that have been successful in recovery we hit that click. Usually brought on by some bottoming out experience. I don't want others who haven't experienced that click to not feel they aren't ready for recovery. You don't have to hit rock bottom you can through self discipline start good habits. You can by reading about other members stories see what is down the road for you. You can read what others have done in different situations to help them with there self disicipline.
The most important motivator is wanting it more then anything else in this world.That I don't know how to impart on someone. I can tell you to look at the tools we have here and other programs to help you build and strengthen your will power and self discipline. For me the self discipline,and motivation became much stronger through the education and support I received at MWO.


Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[Pinecone]

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Supercrew, thanks again for another good discussion.

I think that willpower doesn't even come into play until part of the way into a quit, when you are actually fighting through cravings.

In my experience, I remember the precise moment when I became ready. It wasn't an extraordinary moment by any means, I had repeated that behavior many times in the past, but something changed, like a switch. Then I sat down and wrote myself a letter, made a plan and stuck to it. I came on here and started posting shortly after.

Unwasted brings up a good point about how do we get there. I really don't have any idea about that one. I had no warning that I was about to become ready, it was like falling in a hole in the dark, all of a sudden, I hit something.

I think that while I was drinking, I wanted the idea of sobriety, but I certainly wasn't applying any willpower towards obtaining it. It was kind of like a pipe dream. I had wanted to be free from drinking for years, but my becoming ready was the thing that actualized it.

[Nelz]

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Chillgirl;1283484 wrote: Windy - The way I see it is that people often use having no will power as an excuse to fail at something. I dont have any more or less will power than the next person. when I have failed at things in the past is been down to my lack of commitment to wanting whatever it is. I havent "wanted" it badly enough. When we truly want something with all our hearts and soul we usually succeed.

Right on!

[FlyAway]

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Yes, yes, yes I wholeheartedly agree. And I didn't have that mindset when I joined MWO. I didn't want the negative effects of drinking any longer. The depression, hangovers, blackouts, making a fool of myself, etc., but deep in my heart I really didn't want to stop drinking forever. I just wanted the bad side effects to stop. Thinking that I could get my drinking "under control" which is a myth.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

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I agree with it...you either have to WANT change or be resistant to it. Those of us who WANT change are more apt to stick with a healthy life without AL than those who are not ready for the change and still think AL has something positive to offer them. What are those positives? I see AL for the poison it is...there is no point in drinking unless you want to feel like shit all the time and live a life in AL prison. No thanks.

[mylife]

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I have to agree - I saw a counselor once who said "People do what they WANT". I think that's exactly right.

[Wildflowers]

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I remember reading this thread about a week ago or so. I just couldn't get it off my mind. So I went searching for it. I've been ready for a long time. But, now I really really want to change. No more poison!

[LibraryGirl]

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I'm going to play the devil's advocate. I don't believe you have to wait for that intangible "feeling" of REALLY wanting to quit. I doubt the majority of us who quit were completely sure they NEVER wanted to drink again.

Sometimes I believe the mind follows the behavior. No, I'm not talking about pure willpower either. Just for today, don't drink. If you are successful, try it again tomorrow, and so on. Making a goal of one day, 7 days, 2 weeks, 30 days, etc. is VERY helpful.

The MOST important thing is to NOT want the aftermath of AL. To not suffer from hangovers, lost wages due to skipping work (or being fired), DUIs (DWIs), embarrassing behavior, etc., etc.: The most basic things we should not have to suffer (if we did not poison ourselves). Bigger, better results will follow, but first we just need to feel normal.

Just my thoughts...

[LibraryGirl]

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Like Flyaway, when I first came to MWO I mostly wanted the bad effects of AL gone. But, I think that's as good a place as any to start. It takes getting away form AL to want a completely AF life, I believe. Baby steps.

[red67]

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The MOST important thing is to NOT want the aftermath of AL.

Yep LG, that is exactly what made me finally take the plunge and quit. I had an extremely embarrassing night while drinking and the next day dealing with the aftermath and massive guilt and shame finally made me say ENOUGH. There was no way i could live like that anymore. I had been trying for 4 years to find a way to quit. I took everything i had learned and finally put a plan in place.

I love you guys. I cant believe how much i still learn on a daily basis from all of you.:thanks:

[Tipplerette]

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This constant see-sawer agrees totally. The reason I have continued to drink is because I want to. Nothing more than that. Talk about beating one's head against the wall. Not proud of it but very aware of it. Thanks Supercrew.