How did you become an Alcaholic?

[Mackeral]

I know this question could be answered through the My Story threads....But i have realised things since i posted mine back in July..

I thought it might be intresting if we could see some patterns emerging...

The reason i'm asking is because i drank last night...And all i could think was why me?...Why am i so different from nearly everyone else....Well apart from you guys..

So how and why did you become an Alcaholic?

[BoozeFreeFox]

How did you become an Alcaholic?

Well...

First, I do not like the term "alcoholic". Too much stigma associated with it. Even if such a term could be clearly defined (I think that it would include things like: serious social consequences--losing job, serious medical illness, everyone thinking you're an a-hole, etc...), I do not think that I ever got to the point where I would get that label.

Is this denial???


I DO accept full responsibility however, for letting my drinking get out of hand. How did this happen? I glamourized it (wine--wine snobs always glamourize the poison), and rationalized it (it is not hurting me, it may actually be GOOD for me, and in fact it is one of the things in my life that I enjoy most of all). I'm not saying "alcoholic" however, because (and I do give myself a little cred for this) I was always able to exercise some discretion and: a)stop after a certain amount b)forbid myself from doing stupid things like driving while intoxicated.

Wrong.

Wine (because I drank too much nearly every day--for me it was the "3 big glasses starting at 6PM so that I'm useless (but functional in a domestic sense) by the end of dinner") over the past 10 years or so, became the single worst thorn in my side that I have EVER had in my entire life.

More of just a warped pattern for me that I'm glad to say I have avoided now for the past 17 days.

Please do not read this the wrong way. I AM NO BETTER OR WORSE THAN ANYONE ELSE HERE, AND I'M GLAD AS HECK THAT I FOUND YOU ALL!!!!!


BFF

[Lotus]

How did you become an Alcaholic?

How and why? I'm not sure I know myself.

My dad was an alcoholic and I promised myself I would never drink.

I had my first drink at 18YO, but it got out of hand after I got married at 20YO.

I found being a women in an Indian family is just hard. I felt trapped between a loving and westernised husband and a mother-in-law who believes women are inferior to men. At first I only drank on the weekends, but then slowly I was drinking each day. Weekdays weren't so bad as I was at work, but on weekends I was drinking earlier and earlier. Then if I had a social event to go to and I knew I couldn't have a drink there I'd take some miniature's in my handbag or get my hubby to sneak some for me. Eventually, 1/2 bottle of vodka/1 bottle of wine wasn't enough and the amount increased.

I think I drank to blot out all the bad things happening as opposed to dealing with them. For example, debts, arguments and double-standards within the family. I ignored them at first thinking they would go away, but a bit like the snowballing effect, it just got bigger and bigger and I started drinking more and more.

[irishlady]

How did you become an Alcaholic?

How did I become an alcoholic?.....Well it wasn't a career choice, I didn't set out to be one, but until the day, just over four months ago when I looked at myself in the mirror and saw this strangers face looking back at me, pale, hungover, podgy, but worst of all, sad, sad eyes, I wouldn't have classed myself as one...

I am convinced that is one of the stumbling blocks to becoming and staying sober, the denial to yourself that you are an alcoholic...The number of times I told myself I was okay, I could handle drink, I could take it or leave it...Well when I looked into that mirror I realised I couldn't leave it anymore and that I was an alcoholic....

I don't know why I have this addiction to alcohol....And notice I say HAVE and not HAD .....Because it is something which will always be there....I suppose there are as many reasons for this addiction as there are alcoholics...

When I was about 17 or 18 and I used to go out drinking with my friends at the weekend, yes we would get drunk, but just happy drunk...Then for some unknown reason I found myself hooked on it, I liked the taste, the way it made me feel full of confidence and part of the crowd.... Gradually over the years I relied on alcohol more and more....For the last few years of my drinking, the first glass of wine was always the best, and if I could have stopped at one glass then I wouldn't be here now, but even though I didn't really enjoy the rest of the bottle or even bottles I couldn't stop drinking until either the bottle was empty or I had fallen asleep

Thinking about it now, I am sure my childhood had something to do with it...All my adult life I have suffered from low self-esteem and lack of confidence in my abilities, I find it very hard to accept compliments as well, so the alcohol helped to mask all that for a time..

But what about all the people out there who have similar lives to us and don't use alcohol to make them feel better, they face up to things in their lives and deal with them, so, I wonder if this alcohol thing is based on the wrong wiring in the brain, or is it something genetic rather than a learned behaviour...Why is it my daughter can have, say one glass of sherry and three weeks later the rest of the bottle is still there, yet I would have been unable to stop drinking until I had finished the bottle regardless of whether I wanted it or not??

A very interesting question Macks, but for me, the bottom line is, I am an alcoholic, I don't really know why but day by day I am dealing with it....

Take care,

Love from Louise xxx

[gabby]

How did you become an Alcaholic?

Hey Macks.....simply just snuck up on me....took its mean evil claw and dug it in when I wasnt lookin. Now I gotta deal with it for the rest of my life.
Sometimes....when the stress gets thick....I still wanna drink and its been 8 months now. Still, I thank GOD for the topa cuz the only reason I dont do it is that I know it wont taste good. And also I am happy for my new friend cuz he lets me cry on him. Stupid huh? Like when are ya ever gonna learn to just stand on your own two feet instead of leanin on alcohol or somebody or somethin. Anyway...theres my 2 cents.

[Accountable for Me]

How did you become an Alcaholic?

Firstly, a bit off topic here. Irish, you said it wasn't a career choice... can you imagine if we applied the energy we spent on drinking/thinking about drinking into something else that was positive??? Like say a career, family, relationships, hobbies?? Got me thinking!

Macks, hang in there. It is definitely in my genetics, but I don't attribute it completely to that. Having some depression, and shyness helped contribute towards it. I remember back in 2001, I was working and living alone. So after a while of feeling lonely, I started to pick up a bottle of wine on my way home from work. It became such an ingrained part of my life. It then became too big a part of my life. One where I wasn't able to function as a productive part in any of my relationships with friends, family or in society as a whole. I was completely dependent on it, and I was no longer independent!

We all drink for many different reasons. Just know living an AF life isn't easy. It is like learning how to ride a bike all over again. But the rewards of being AF, and learning how to cope and live again is absolutely wonderful. It is worth every ache and pain to be free of the poison!

We love you, and are routing for you! :l

[lushy]

How did you become an Alcaholic?

Until about five years ago I never had hangovers and drinking has always been associated with very, very fun times. Then a sequence of very negative things happened in my life and I thought alcohol would take me to a happy place like it always did. Boy, how that has backfired on me. The combination of the fun little habit and alcoholism in my family has now created where I am today. And now it is not as fun, esp., not when drinking every day or when drinking to excess.

I was AF last night and I had to go my daughter's basketball game. HUGE step for me to not smell of wine at an evening event. The whole time I just kept looking at all of these people and thinking, like you Macks, why me? How can you all be so flipping happy with that coffee cup in your hand when frankly I would love a glass of wine? But we are changing, whether in big or small ways, and that is something I am very proud of.

[InnerStrength]

How did you become an Alcaholic?

Yup like all of you I think it snuck up on me too. Though, I am sure I loved it from the very first time.
I got drunk the first time when i was 18 months old. I am not kidding and that is not a typo. 18 months. Apparantly, my parents were having a dinner party and I was waddling around in my diaper and all the adults thought it would be "cute" to give me a little "sip" of what they had in their glass...each of them not knowing that the one before had also given me a "sip". well, apparently I was stumbling around and fell over, asleep. My parents still laugh about it. OMG.
So, was I an alcoholic from the beginning? You tell me. what other 18 month old do you know of that would go seeking out alcohol?
When I was 16-17, that was when the party really began. And like many others, it was really really fun times. For a long time. And there were not TOO many negative consequences. Those come later. I guess for some of us, it's just ingrained. For me, I think alcohol has always been a temptation/love and a source of fun. Too bad its also been a real source of misery in more recent years.
How sad is that?

[lushy]

How did you become an Alcaholic?

Good Lord, Jenneh!!! That is a sad story about you as a baby............wowza!!!

[InnerStrength]

How did you become an Alcaholic?

Can you imagine me in an AA meeting doing my speech? "I am 30 years old. I have been drinking for 28 and a half years...."

[InnerStrength]

How did you become an Alcaholic?

God its not really funny is it?

[Mackeral]

How did you become an Alcaholic?

Brilliant Jenneh...Or you didnt tell them your age...And said you've been drinking for 28 years...You'd definatly get asked what skin cream you used.

[Saint Jude]

How did you become an Alcaholic?

Jenneh, we do have a lot in common! I have a VERY similar story that my Dad still tells and chuckles about... When I was about 1 yr and 1/2 old, my folks had a New Yrs Eve party. When people were dancing they would set their drinks down on the coffe table, within my reach(apparently). My Dad still tells how they watched me pick em up & just down em! They thought that I would make a face & spit it out like most little kids,...nope not little Judie! They'd find me passed out sleeping in a corner later!
It was love at first taste. ( my folks were very young at the time, only kids themselves... 20 & 25)

Then of course, years later, in high school... when I started going to keg parties, I never had just a couple. I always had to have the "most" of anyone there! It was like a competition! And I never passed out like other people did! Definately genetics.

[Quiescent]

How did you become an Alcaholic?

My grandfather was an alcoholic and so was his daughter, my Mother.

I should have known not to drink regularly.......but then again, I had no idea that alcohol had anything to do with genetics until it was too late.

I made a regular habit of drinking and eventually it changed something in my brain that makes me feel like nothing else can.

I love to drink. I love the warmth in my head and in my stomach after the first sip of wine. I love how I can be more outgoing and friendly when I'm lit.

I think it has become a really bad relationship that I just can't quite let go of. I know it's not good for me. Yet, my mind keeps saying.......let's get a drink!

I'm an alcoholic, ya know.

Hugs,
Rachele

PS. I heard that the desire to drink is like a song that plays over and over again in your head. The only way to get the song to stop is to drink. Some people need 3 drinks and the song stops, others need 10 before they can get the song to stop. It takes me about 5 drinks to get the song to stop.

[InnerStrength]

How did you become an Alcaholic?

I know what you mean Rachele. I love that warm feeling in my head and down my throat/gut and the general taking away of anxiety/worry that comes with it. Instant gratification. I have always loved it.

And Jude - OMG - we are alike!!! I too have always always reached for more!!!!

Macks - you might have a point there. Perhaps I could start bottling and sellig some "magical face cream! nah...I couldnt do that

Love you guys
Jen