Advantages and disadvantage of counting AF days

[SAUSAGE]

Think I remember this one being debated before when I was struggling 3 years ago, but haven't seen much on it lately.

Yesterday I celebrated 30 days AF - it's the longest I've gone AF since 2009.

When I was sober for 8 months before I kept a tally in my diary so it was easy enough to known what day I was on, even when I was past day 200.

However realistically once I got passed the first month I tended to think of it in terms of number of months rather than exact days, a bit like a new parent initially defines their baby in days / weeks old, but then starts referring to months / years as they got older. You don't hear anyone saying " my son is 1000 days old today"

I think counting days has a great advantage and acts as a huge incentive in the early days / weeks, it's great to see those AF days stack up like a string of pearls.

But what if someone does start drinking? I found when I was counting days and everything depended on it, it was as if " well I've broken my AF run of days, so back to square one" ive seen so many people on here totally demoralised by this, whereas realistically another way of looking at it is "I'm making huge progress, I'm no longer a daily drinker, I've been AF for 98.9% of the year" and so keep going AF. Rather than feeling they'd failed and going back to daily drinking, which is what I did because I'd broken my run of 257 AF days.

Although now I'm past day 30 I shall still continue to keep a tally of the exact number in my diary, however despite doing this I'm going to try and look at in terms of months from now on not days.

"Why" I hear you ask? "Haven't you just contradicted yourself? If the aim is to live an AF life, why does the number of days matter?"

Well the reason is, for some reason I want to know when I've got passed that day 257, I seem obsessed with this, once I'm passed I shall stop counting and just concentrate on the 1 year anniversary, and others to follow! Do you think this is the right thing to do?

Would love to know what other people think?

[allswell]

Advantages and disadvantage of counting AF days

Hi Sausage and congratulations on 30 days! I agree in the beginning it is important to count but I don't find it constructive after a certain amount of time because it keeps alcohol front and center in my mind. My goal is to get alcohol out of my mind completely and a good day is a day I don't think of it at all, if I'm counting it seems it's the first thing I think of as soon as I wake.

[LibraryGirl]

Advantages and disadvantage of counting AF days

I think you're right Sausage. Initially getting to 30 days was a HUGE incentive for me. However, I don't think I'm going to forget when I quit AL. February 2012. If I do drink sometime in the future, which I have NO intention of doing, I would still be able to say, I drank once or twice this year (for example), but I quit DAILY drinking in February.

[windy]

Advantages and disadvantage of counting AF days

Hi Sausage! Great question and I know exactly where you are coming from. I know counting days and setting a goals was the only way for me to give up drinking. To some extent, it is the only thing that keeps me from drinking, as I do not want to start over. This seems a bit obsessive, and there must, and is, other good reason not to drink, but for some reason the numbers mean a lot to me. I am still a work in progress as to undoing the brainwashing that has been done to me. Until then I keep setting new goals regarding numbers and one year seems like a good one for now. My lifelong goal is to truly get alcohol out my life, and have it's desire erased from my mind. So...until then I will probably keep counting the days, weeks, months. It is a little strange, however, that the thought of starting over is so scary to me. I don't think it would be failure as a good run of alcohol free days is very admirable too. Every little step is a step in the right direction. It just takes time and a lot of WORK.

[Turnagain]

Advantages and disadvantage of counting AF days

Sausage - You need to do what feels right for you! When I started out...I was counting HOURs. Once I made the FINAL decision to go AF for good...the number of days no longer seemed important to me. This is the way I'm going to be from here on out. HOWEVER, I think milestones are still important. I like your analogy to a string of pearls....how lovely! When I want to know how many pearls have been added to my string...I take a little trip to: AA History Sobriety Calculator

I plan on celebrating the years from here on out. For me, it will be a great time to celebrate, reflect and reinforce all the reasons why life is so much better AF.

Sausage - you'll zoom past that next personal milestone before you know it. Time flies when you're present and healthy!

[SAUSAGE]

Advantages and disadvantage of counting AF days

Turnagain - hadn't seen the AA History Sobriety Calculator before - just taken a look!

[Pocket]

Advantages and disadvantage of counting AF days

It is very distressing to start over. If you extend the "string of pearls" analogy, which I love, I guess lately I have felt like a kindergartner trying to string myself a necklace. I'm awkward, I fumble, and before I know it the pearls are scattered. It's frustrating.

That being said, I now have seven beautiful pearls on my string! And I can't help but count! :H

[Kaslo]

Advantages and disadvantage of counting AF days

Sausage, you have eloquently described the conundrum or double edges sword or what ever it is that happens when you hope and expect to achieve something, that you use the passing of time in that state to mark your success, which instantly dissolves if you falter. This condition of going back into daily drinking again, even worse, is what we want to avoid more than anything, and I agree it IS better to think of it as I no longer drink every day

Just look at the change in peoples postings from the first month to say, six months.... your looking at a progression of becoming a normal person! But at some point it just makes sense to shoot for monthly milestones. And not be too mad at yourself if you falter, as it happens to everyone at some point.

And the point is to get to a stage where you never falter, you are honestly done. I think I am there, but I am ever mindful of how long it took me, and how many false starts and dissapointments I had till I was finally to the stage where I had one. Knock on wood. And whistle.

im past a year now..so i suppose i should be annual now.... but I always love to see the progression like what Turnagain describes....from houly to daily to monthly, further away.....

kas

[choice]

Advantages and disadvantage of counting AF days

Hey Sausage,
I think this is a really good question. As far as the outside world is concerned... I do not have a break in my sobriety date. August 23, 2010. It was one night that I slipped and i'm back on track, with 30 days AF. For me to start counting days again, or months feels like a huge set back in my recovery. It was a really important process though... counting days is what really kept me sober for so long. I just didn't want to start over.. It really is an accomplishment and something to be so proud of to get into triple digits... add up years etc. But at the end of the day... if I get too hung up on my slip, it would be counter productive and discouraging. Feeling bad leads me down a bad path... I am glad I'm back to 30 days AF. It was a learning experience I don't feel like repeating. Part of me feels like changing my signature not to have days in it.. but I think I'll just leave it... as it is. I'm not sure why. Maybe so in months now if I'm struggling I can connect more dots??

[scottish lass]

Advantages and disadvantage of counting AF days

This is a good question. I know that the counting kept me on track, but when i slipped, it was really hard, and so hard to start again - but looking back, I have cut back tremendously and that is not being tracked - in some ways I am having a lot of success as I am drinking a huge amount less than a year ago, but each time I do drink it seems easier to acknowledge the failure rather than to recognise any success.
I heard at a management meeting to focus on what works gets much better results than focusing on what doesn't - the counting works when staying on track, but it doesn't work for small slips when we are able to get back on track again soon...

[windy]

Advantages and disadvantage of counting AF days

Sausage you asked --

Well the reason is, for some reason I want to know when I've got passed that day 257, I seem obsessed with this, once I'm passed I shall stop counting and just concentrate on the 1 year anniversary, and others to follow! Do you think this is the right thing to do?

Sausage, It seems that the 257 day mark is very important to you and I can see why. You know you can make it that far because you have before; now you need to prove to yourself that you can go longer than that. I know you can, and you know you can, so go for it and set that goal. After that, just concentrate on other milestones that you feel are important. I am with you all the way.

I think that your goal is admirable and you seem very determined. Your 257 days most certainly count in a huge way. If you had never accomplished that amount of time, you goal would be different and not as big. Resetting goals is the nature of getting better. It is NOT starting over; it is the PROCESS and the journey and it gets better every time we take a fresh, new look at it. Keep up the excellent work.

[DriftyAlison0]

Advantages and disadvantage of counting AF days

I counted daily for the first hundred and something days then I did weeks and now I do months mainly but when I want to find out the days and/or weeks I put the dates in a website and it tells me the days and weeks.

It is up to the person if they want to count or not, but I would highly recommend it, especially in the early days.

[one2many]

Advantages and disadvantage of counting AF days

Counting certainly worked for me, i loved seeing the days add up and to be honest I think EVERYONE remembers the day that they quit.

However, I believe that if you choose to drink you go back to day one....hard as that may be, thats the way it is, you decided to drink so you ARE NOT xxx days sober anymore. You still have achieved xxx days and that is wonderful but drinking and expecting to keep your sober time intact is not being honest with yourself or others.

I will always remember my sober date, it keeps me focused and it shows me how far I have come, I am proud of it and it marks a turning point in my life when I began to live again, who would not want to remember that date? Not me!

[mario]

Advantages and disadvantage of counting AF days

I will forever remember the date I stopped drinking alcohol, Also at the start I counted hours than days then weeks then months and eventually I got to my first year,Imo its great to look back and see at how far you have come and how much you have changed for the better,looking forward to my fourth year next january :-)

[Guitarista]

Advantages and disadvantage of counting AF days

SAUSAGE;1285742 wrote: Think I remember this one being debated before when I was struggling 3 years ago, but haven't seen much on it lately.

Yesterday I celebrated 30 days AF - it's the longest I've gone AF since 2009.

When I was sober for 8 months before I kept a tally in my diary so it was easy enough to known what day I was on, even when I was past day 200.

However realistically once I got passed the first month I tended to think of it in terms of number of months rather than exact days, a bit like a new parent initially defines their baby in days / weeks old, but then starts referring to months / years as they got older. You don't hear anyone saying " my son is 1000 days old today"

I think counting days has a great advantage and acts as a huge incentive in the early days / weeks, it's great to see those AF days stack up like a string of pearls.

But what if someone does start drinking? I found when I was counting days and everything depended on it, it was as if " well I've broken my AF run of days, so back to square one" ive seen so many people on here totally demoralised by this, whereas realistically another way of looking at it is "I'm making huge progress, I'm no longer a daily drinker, I've been AF for 98.9% of the year" and so keep going AF. Rather than feeling they'd failed and going back to daily drinking, which is what I did because I'd broken my run of 257 AF days.

Although now I'm past day 30 I shall still continue to keep a tally of the exact number in my diary, however despite doing this I'm going to try and look at in terms of months from now on not days.

"Why" I hear you ask? "Haven't you just contradicted yourself? If the aim is to live an AF life, why does the number of days matter?"

Well the reason is, for some reason I want to know when I've got passed that day 257, I seem obsessed with this, once I'm passed I shall stop counting and just concentrate on the 1 year anniversary, and others to follow! Do you think this is the right thing to do?

Would love to know what other people think?

That all sounds brilliant Snags. Do what feels good for you. :goodjob: