I know many might disagree with me on this, but I think quitting drinking is harder for someone who doesn't use it daily.
I have been in both situations. I was a heavy binge drinker for over 20 years, and then I became a daily heavy drinker for about 5 years. Most of the time during my binge drinking time I didn't think that I had a problem with booze. I thought I was like everyone else. Get plastered 2 to 4 times a month on weekends normally. Now a few times (hundreds ) I did either promise myself or someone else that I would "never do that again", but I was never really sure what "that" was. I knew at the time that I might have what I thought was a self control issue, but I never really had the intention of quitting. I mean it was obvious to me and everyone who knew me that I wasn't an alcoholic, I just liked to drink too much when I drank. Why would I quit something that I loved and looked forward to? I didn't really have a problem because I wasn't like those losers who drink every morning, everyday, out of brown paper bags. I did know that my heavy drinking did get me into trouble, but I was just unlucky sometimes. I was known as the life of every party, I had been a drinking celebrity since I was 15. Even after a DUI and losing my front teeth in a bike accident and getting into numerous fights, I didn't really think drinking was my problem. My problem was sometimes, (always ) I drank too much and was out of control. But that wasn't a drinking problem that was a self control problem because I loved alcohol and I didn't abuse it daily, and alcohol loved me and people expected me to drink. I would have never looked for a solution to a problem that I didn't believe existed.
Now when I became a daily drinker, which I did consciously, because it seemed like a good idea at the time, I just figured this was the next step on learning how to handle my booze better. I mean if I was always drinking my tolerence would go up, and then no one would ever be able to compare Supercrew drunk to Supercrew sober...because I would just stay under the influence. (I didn't realize at the time that my body could become physically dependent on alcohol). In the beginning I enjoyed the hell out of drinking daily. I felt like I was one step ahead of everyone else, popping a few tallboys in the AM before work to get that buzz back and wash that hangover away from the night before. I got to the point where there were no hangovers because I woke up still full of vodka from the previous night. As time wore on I got better and better at planning my days around my main goal in life, staying drunk. But as the months ands years passed this daily drinking routine became harder and harder to keep up and harder and harder to hide. I started realizing that my tolerance was so high that I really never felt a buzz anymore, and the joy of drinking for me basically disappeared. At that time drinking became my job, and I had to continue my job just to feel normal. I was spending hundreds of dollars a month to drink every chance I got, normally alone, to try and feel like someone who wasn't sick. The pleasure was completely gone, but I couldn't quit or I would shake and get sick and feel like death. Anyone who has read my story knows I eventually found some real good reasons to finally quit and finally accept that I could never drink again. I learned through the process that I love being sober and I cherish sobriety.
Now back to my initial question, I really don't think I would have quit drinking or would have felt enough justification to quit if I would have remained a 4-6 time a month binge drinker, because I really felt that those drinking episodes brought me huge pleasure, and I lived for those times of popping that first drink after a week off to either celebrate or mourn or bond or just to hang out. I would have never learned that it really wasn't the alcohol that made these moments, it was my perception of what I thought the alcohol did for me. I would have never learned how to be happy sober, because I never truly believed that I could have fun or happiness or contentment without alcohol in my life. It took 5 years of full blown alcoholism for me to realize that I am the one who gets to dictate what happiness means in my life, not a stupid little bottle of poison.
So I guess what I am trying to get at is I feel bad for many people on this forum because I don't think I would have ever really quit drinking if I never got to the point where drinking quit bringing me any pleasure. It was just something I had to do to feel normal. Kind of strange how that worked out. I had to drink so I wouldn't feel pain. The only way out of the loop was to detox and then cherish what feeling really normal felt like. After drinking for almost 5 years straight it's amazing how good it feels to not have to rely on anything to make me feel better anymore, because now I feel great everyday! The problem when I was binge drinking there was nothing that special about feeling normal, so those couple of times a month when I would drink I made myself believe that I was getting some sort of pleasure explosion when the bottle hit my lips. So I do think it is harder to quit if you are just a binge drinker and you never become physically dependent on alcohol because you will have a hard time convicing your brain that drinking isn't some sort of reward for you. On the other hand I would never recommend anyone try what I went through to discover the the break point when alcohol no longer becomes pleasurable at all.
Comment