I remember how it feels to be drunk.
I remember the panic and axniety.
I remember waiting for the liquor store to open and hoping noone recognized me.
I remember buying wine with screw on caps so i could have a few swigs on my way home.
I remember the feeling of panic at the thought of running out of wine before i passed out.
I remember sneaking drinks from my inlaws liquor cabinet when noone was looking.
I remember going to the kids activities and making sure i had a full water bottle of vodka or wine. or being too drunk to even go in the first place.
I remember not caring if i was drunk driving.. i would never get caught.
I remember the fights and embarassment i caused myself and my family.
I remember that no one likes me because of my idiotic stupid confrontational attitude when i was druink (which was always)
I remember waking up in the middle of the night and drinking the rest of what ever i had left then passiing out again and waking up in the morning and being angry with the kids because i was hung over.
and the number 1 memory... getting and drinking alcohol was more important to me than my children.
I rememeber it all. and I keep those memories close to me when i think about drinking again.
I have allot of making up to do.
caper
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