Emotional Sobriety

[LibraryGirl]

This is where I am struggling. I am still full of rage, and find it hard to be peaceful in my thoughts AND actions sometimes. I also am unbearably sad sometimes.

Did you achieve peace emotionally after you quit AL? Are you on the pathway? What are you doing to get there, or what have you done?

I could really use some pointers.:thanks:

[greeneyes]

Emotional Sobriety

LG, sometimes I wonder if there IS such a thing as emotional peace. I still seek it though. I'm learning to ground myself. To stop and explore the feelings and release them or savor them. To make my way to a place of peace isn't always easy and it has taken a lot of practice. A lot of trial and error. A lot of listening to other's techniques and trying them on and feeling what resonates and what doesn't. Lots of people are coming forward in on-line platforms like interview series and they are showing up with all kinds of different techniques. There is something for everybody, you just have to try it on for size. For example, there is EFT, meditation, radical forgiveness, etc. This is pretty much a practical suggestion of experimentation. You could always go to see a traditional therapist for counseling. Hope that helps some. :l

And remember this emotion stuff is sort of new when you first quit AL. Speaking for myself, I used alcohol as an anesthetic. Raw feelings were new and took some time to get used to AT ALL, much less learn to process.

[red67]

Emotional Sobriety

For me, I learned (by lots of practice) to just accept whatever was/is going on in my life. Life is a journey and at no single point is it perfect. Accept and enjoy the happiness when it comes. Bad times and raw emotions are the most difficult, but i just trust there is a reason for what i am dealing with. I have just been thru the most hellish 3 months of my life, but i got thru it minute by minute sometimes. I literally thought i was going crazy at times but i got thru it and now i feel immensely stronger for it. I truly believe i could not be strong today without going thru times that tested me.

Not matter what i knew that drinking would not help in anyway. It would have only made it worse and set me back.

My first 3 months of sobriety were filled with doubt and fear. I trusted what others here said, that just stay the course and it would get better. And it did. Now that its been over 1 year i know i can deal with anything as long as i dont drink.

I cant speak to your specific situation but i truly believe with time and work everything will even out. Yes, you will still have bad days but you learn they are part of normal life and things will get better.

[FlyAway]

Emotional Sobriety

I found a great deal of peace in reading a book by Byron Katie called Loving What Is. It quite literally changed the way I think about most things in life.

[Nelz]

Emotional Sobriety

Wow, such great responses to a great question.


Obviously quitting drinking is not going to solve any of lifes problems....sometimes I think life is just one big problem after another :H

However, having the strength to quit does give me some sort of feeling of controlling "something" in my life. I cant change the price of gas, but I daym sure can keep AL away from me.

I hope the thought Im trying to convey is coming across like I want it to. I will tell you that one day I did wake up, and after being AF for a while, things did look just a little bit "rosier"(I hope that is a word)

You are doing very well LG, stay strong, keep the AL beast at bay....it pisses him off! he hee

[LibraryGirl]

Emotional Sobriety

Thanks everyone. I've read some good stuff here. Flyaway, I'll check out that book, see if it's available for Kindle (after I read another good fiction novel, lol).

I said I'm "full of rage" and that's not entirely true. I just let "little" things bother me way too much. For instance, yesterday I was supposed to meet my bf after work at a precise time to take care of something. I sat in my car for 20 minutes waiting on him, when he had known all day long that I was meeting him, and yet couldn't be on time. I was screaming by the time he got there, and ran off saying "Don't touch me! Don't touch me!" LOL...I just feel ashamed after I blow up and get screaming angry, and I can't seem to stop myself at the time.

Usually doesn't happen with anyone else, because I know I couldn't get away with it.

Today I feel peaceful (in this moment, lol).

[KateH1]

Emotional Sobriety

I really appreciate this expression, "Emotional Sobriety". I pretty much concure with what the others have said. Stopping the AL is only the first step. After getting through the first months of just resisting the urge to drink, I realized that my "Real Work" was only beginning. After many years of dealing with "Not Dealing" with life without AL, I knew that I had to learn to become comfortable with All my true emotions and to develope new coping skills, learning to truly live in the moment. I found the Eckard Tolle books very helpful, also The Sedona Method, books and CD's. Daily meditation and yoga also helped. I also relied and still use Bach Flower remedies, in particular "Rescue Remedy". You can learn more about Bach Flower Remedies on the web. I also believe that there is no substitute for Time. It takes both Time and Work to learn a new way of living.

Now that I am in my 5th year of sobriety. I find that I am finally becoming truly emotionally liberated from my old ways. But, to that I must add that I am in full realization that my growth must continue as well as my vigilance in order to remain alcohol free.

[Lavande]

Emotional Sobriety

LG,
I felt as if I was walking on 'emotional eggshells' for the first 6 months after I quit!
Most likely because I wasn't fully trusting myself to stay on course. But like Kate & others, I did a lot of reading, got into some meditation & worked hard on changing my thinking so I could start trusting myself

We are definitely all works in progress

[one2many]

Emotional Sobriety

I guess I blamed a lot of my moods and my anger on my drinking...

I am fed up because I have a hangover..
I am depressed because I drank again last night...
I am angry because I sent those drunken texts...
He/She did not like me because I was drinking, they did not see the real me...
My relationship is failing because I drink..
I have no money because I drink...

etc etc, you get the picture.

So then I took the bull by the horns and ditched the booze and fags.....em hello???? The anger was still there, the depression, the loneliness and the scapecoat for all those feeling was now gone? WTF was going on.

I realised after a few weeks that these feelings were VERY real and were part of me, they had been smothered, swept under the carpet and completely stifled when I drank. Like putting a rug over a big burn in the carpet and thinking it cannot be seen.

I literally had to learn how to live again, how to feel and how to deal with those feelings, yes, I did lash out, I cried, I moaned until I realised that the only way forward was to deal with them.

I realised that I do suffer with depression whether I am drinking or not (drinking makes it a million times worse tho), so I incorporated positivity, spirituality and mindfulness to my life which has made a HUGE difference to the way I live and to my state of mind. I am happy for the first time in my life and I like myself.

I realised I was angry at a lot of things, Mostly about my childhood which was pretty crap, about my relationship with my husband, about the fact I never saw friends or socialised and the fact that I felt old before my time and dead inside.

I started to do Inner Child work, which really helped me to stop blaming the way I was on my childhood, taught me to accept the woman I am and how to nurture the little Oney inside who was in a bad way. I learned how to forgive my parents and this was a huge weight off my shoulders, after all I had been carrying this resentment round for the best part of 38 years.(I only have little shoulders lol)

I also tried to see things from my partners perspective, I usually only ever saw what he DIDN'T give me and what the relationship was LACKING, so I started looking at the things he did give me and what was good about the relationship, what I was grateful for, I listened and argued and came to a compromise, so now with give and take, my relationship is better than it has ever been in my life, not perfect but pretty good.

I also decided that some people are just NOT GOING TO LIKE ME...I accepted it, that's ok! Before I struggled with it, wondering why, analysing what went wrong and why they didn't take to me. Now I don't care, I no longer get hung up on it. I have some wonderful friends who are very good to me so I must be doing something right.

I also realised that altho I was spending a lot of money on drink, I was stagnant and not making any effort to bring in more income, being a stay at home Mum, that can be hard but i gathered up a lot of stuff lying round the house and sold it on Ebay and I now scour thrift shops and sell those things too, I also write personalised poems for birthdays, anniversaries, hens, funerals etc etc, I got up and did something about it and used my talents which also got buried due to the booze.


I guess, I have learned a lot since getting sober but I also have a lot more to learn. Life is not all fluffy kittens and pale pink roses when you quit, the world does not suddenly become a wonderful place and every relationship fixed overnight...

BUT..... Being sober let's you see the bigger picture, lets you identify the feelings and then deal with them accordingly without just masking them and hoping they will go away.

I still get angry, sad, fed up, ungrateful and down because THAT'S LIFE......but I also get happy, blissful, joyful, mindful, confident and feel totally totally worthwhile and those feelings far outweigh the blue ones and the fact that my heart, soul and life are now full beyond compare makes me forever grateful for my new life.

Love and Light,

Oney x

[catch22]

Emotional Sobriety

Hi LibraryGirl,
Glad ur feeling peaceful 2day !
The first year for me was like a emotional rollercoaster, had the emotional hanger overs as well, but it does get better, the anger for me i see them as a withdrawals. This all takes time, about learning how we feel for the first time without ALcohol can be painful BUT it does pass.
Not long ago i was going through Emotional sobriety and it so good to get through it and look back. Some days i feel like i got it That Emotional Balance, that peace of mind and it feels so great. Kate mention yoga, i find this is very good, try find something you like doing that is relaxing. Me i had to keep going to my meetings.
My Emontional Sobriety is always growing.
Keep strong and wishing you all the best in you journey.x

Catch22 xXx

[rubywillow]

Emotional Sobriety

Such a great topic, because without addressing the emotional as well as physical changes with sobriety, we can't be 'whole'. It's useless to think about what caused this until we are well, and able to look back with a clear mind. I've done so many things in the last few years those around me don't understand, but they know I'm getting there, and no one has the complete answer. You will too, and you have to find your 'level'. Our mind is our own, and we have to figure out what is AL and what is us. But we have to understand the residuals of AL thinking, and how it affects our thinking. At any rate, keep up the fight. In the long run, it works. And I've been married over 41 years, but still want to run down my husband freqently. That's a relationship thing. We can't blame everything on AL, some things are just life.

[Bean]

Emotional Sobriety

Hang in there LG. What you are going through is completely NORMAL in my opinion! I was thinking about posting today because at 5.5 months AF, I am feeling clearer than ever and actually bloody fantastic! I didn't want to drink again at 2-3 months but I definitely went through an emotional dip when I just felt a bit 'blah' for no real reason.

The past two fridays, I have had 2 complete strangers compliment me. One guy at an antiques fair, tapped me on the shoulder and said "you are really beautiful' and then today a man told me I had "amazing dazzling eyes". It's hard for us to see how we are changing but be sure that people around you will notice the beautiful you that is emerging from under the dark cloak of alcohol. I know that I have a sparkle back about me that was so deeply hidden these last 5-10 years. I NEVER had this kind of attention during that whole time and I don't 'look' that different now (i.e still same size, hairstyle etc) but I hated myself so intensely when I was drinking that I must have been giving off that vibe and other people were not attracted to me either (or at least, only other damaged people who also hated themselves).

Check out Brene Brown's TED talk (TED: Ideas worth spreading) on Vulnerability. It's really good. She talks about how we don't have the power to selectively numb. So when we numb all the bad stuff, we also numb the good stuff. That made a lot of sense to me and eventually I decided that numbing the bad stuff wasn't a worthwhile payoff for not getting any of the good stuff either. I went to rehab as you may know but it's not the only way to turn the emotional corner. You're doing great. Keep on keeping on and have faith that at some point down the road, you will look back and be so proud of how far you have come. And you'll do it with a BIG CONTENTED SMILE on your face!

Bean x

[catch22]

Emotional Sobriety

catch22;1288491 wrote: Hi LibraryGirl,
Glad ur feeling peaceful 2day !
The first year for me was like a emotional rollercoaster, had the emotional hanger overs as well, but it does get better, the anger for me i see them as a withdrawals. This all takes time, about learning how we feel for the first time without ALcohol can be painful BUT it does pass.
Not long ago i was going through Emotional sobriety and it so good to get through it and look back. Some days i feel like i got it That Emotional Balance, that peace of mind and it feels so great. Kate mention yoga, i find this is very good, try find something you like doing that is relaxing. Me i had to keep going to my meetings.
My Emontional Sobriety is always growing.
Keep strong and wishing you all the best in you journey.x

Catch22 xXx

P.S forgot to mention that acupuncture is really good if you feel stress out or on edge a lot helps yu to relax and chill out.....also helps with the cravings ! x


.

[LibraryGirl]

Emotional Sobriety

Oney, I really identified with your post. Thank you for sharing.:l

[FlyAway]

Emotional Sobriety

LibraryGirl;1288446 wrote: Thanks everyone. I've read some good stuff here. Flyaway, I'll check out that book, see if it's available for Kindle (after I read another good fiction novel, lol).

I said I'm "full of rage" and that's not entirely true. I just let "little" things bother me way too much. For instance, yesterday I was supposed to meet my bf after work at a precise time to take care of something. I sat in my car for 20 minutes waiting on him, when he had known all day long that I was meeting him, and yet couldn't be on time. I was screaming by the time he got there, and ran off saying "Don't touch me! Don't touch me!" LOL...I just feel ashamed after I blow up and get screaming angry, and I can't seem to stop myself at the time.

Usually doesn't happen with anyone else, because I know I couldn't get away with it.

Today I feel peaceful (in this moment, lol).

LibraryGirl, using Byron Katie's logic, it's not the "things" that are bothering you, it's your thoughts about the things. What was going through your mind while you were waiting for your friend? "He doesn't respect my time, he's always late, he should be here now, etc." Rage caused by your thoughts, not the actual truth because you didn't know what the truth was. What would have happened to your rage if your friend pulled up and said, "OMG there was a terrible car accident right in front of me and I stayed with the victims until the authorities showed up."? The only truth was that you were sitting in your car waiting for your friend. Period. Your thoughts about this event is what made you angry. Our minds are always making up thoughts and telling us stories, whether they are true or not.