Missed opportunities due to AL

[Today]

I have been working on my sobriety since past August, learning new coping behaviors and about myself. I am 35 years old and feel like I have only recently woken up. I look at my life and I see a good job but few emotional connections. I have never married although have maintained several long term relationships that I wrecked due to my alcoholism. I am an nice person in real life but apparently a mean crazy drunk who bit people, jumped out of cars and started fights. I have woken up so many times with bruises, cuts, and single!

I am in counselling, and working to accept my life as it is, not as I wish it was. Can anyone relate to starting life in their 30's? I worry I will want kids but have missed the boat on that one and will hate myself for drinking away my 20's and half of my 30's forever. I suppose it was good that I never entered a marriage I was not sure of or had kids I could not take care of but kind of wish I had anyway! That sounds selfish, but I feel so alone and lost now!

I want to forgive myself but it is hard... so much rubble in my past to get over and I feel overwhelmed at idea of starting now and trying to catch up with everyone else. Can anyone relate to this? I have such anxiety about myself and regrets over not marrying a couple good men from my past. :upset:

[greeneyes]

Missed opportunities due to AL

Today;1289567 wrote: I want to forgive myself but it is hard... so much rubble in my past to get over and I feel overwhelmed at idea of starting now and trying to catch up with everyone else.

Self-forgiveness is hard, but like most things... it's doable. But first let go of the idea of catching up. This is YOUR journey. It isn't a race against anyone else, yourself, or time. It's just your journey. Take the pressure off. :l I got sober WAAAAAAAAY later than you. In my 30s I was cranking along in alkie ways with husband #1. I got sober after many many years with husband #2. And then he left. Which for me, was a good thing - seriously, not sour grapes or anything. It was for the best. But yeah, to start over sober and single and not really knowing how to do either of those was, needless to say, a new experience. :H Living my life AF is no comparison to what I left behind. I'd probably be really sick or in jail or dead by now. And relative to the single part... don't fret over that. Be happy with yourself first. And be AF - most stuff falls into place after that. :l You're doing the right thing.

Check ou this guy. He has some powerful stuff on self-forgiveness. Free Stuff | colintipping.com

[bimble01]

Missed opportunities due to AL

im so with you on this,sounds like me to a tee!! im lucky to have two wonderful daughters,but theyve put up with a lot like yousel fme,fighting etc down to me being drunk i am 42 and single,feel like my lifes a complete failure and wot have i got to look forward to etc....thats why i want to give up AL so badly,its ruled my life!!xx

[Today]

Missed opportunities due to AL

It's funny, I've never regretted not marrying early until my sobriety now. They were drinkers as well, and I imagine if we would have stayed together we would not have remained married long. I don't want to look back with regret, I want to look forward with hope.

Is AL trying to trigger me to drink because it is starting to work... I think about drinking again to forget about my past. But, I know that is not the answer, been there, done that!

Still, it hurts to wonder what could have been.

[K9Lover]

Missed opportunities due to AL

Hi Today,

I can relate to your post...I will be 40 this year and wonder if I'll ever get married (again). I too had a couple of good relationships, but I blew them and have regrets. I was married once and was blessed with my beautiful girl, but I wonder if I'll be alone as she grows up and moves on. Normally I don't think too much about it, but I find myself counting down until I turn 40 like that's some sort of marker (200 days from now). I always say things happen for a reason and in their own time, so I guess I will be patient!

Let's stop living in the past with regrets and look forward to a happy future

K9