Friends and family during recovery

[4theboyz]

I am posing a discussion because I have had 2 things happen as of late I never expected to run into. Part of recovery demands you take ownership of your shortcomings and the problems our faults can cause. I turned to a friend during my recovery and just the other day they really turned on me and used my openness about my "issues" against me. I realize my drinking is my fault and there are raw elements of the things we say and do as alcoholics but I never expected a "friend" to use these things against me and try and make me feel worse about things I am working so very hard to heal.

I recently started in AA in a large part to get help my wife for one said I needed. 5 weeks into the program she too is now complaining about the time commitment the meetings demand. Anyone else here run into these "obstacles"??

[fennel]

Friends and family during recovery

Good for you for addressing your problem, 4theboyz. It's so helpful when our partners embrace and support our quest for sobriety. I'm curious to know how much time you are spending at meetings? In my experience, they rarely go over an hour's length. Do you have to drive a long distance to get to one? I would think that sacrificing your presence for an hour and a half or so would be worth it to your wife- but I don't know your circumstances.

As for your friend- once again, I don't know what has passed between you. Maybe cut him some slack and just focus on staying sober. That's the number one thing you can do for yourself and your family.

Cool link...I'm going to watch the remaining parts. :l

[FlyAway]

Friends and family during recovery

What a betrayal by your friend! That infuriates me.

I've recently posted about how my husband keeps getting me to try his beer and even went out and bought a bottle of vodka for me knowing that I'm not drinking anymore.

[4theboyz]

Friends and family during recovery

fennel;1294733 wrote: Good for you for addressing your problem, 4theboyz. It's so helpful when our partners embrace and support our quest for sobriety. I'm curious to know how much time you are spending at meetings? In my experience, they rarely go over an hour's length. Do you have to drive a long distance to get to one? I would think that sacrificing your presence for an hour and a half or so would be worth it to your wife- but I don't know your circumstances.

As for your friend- once again, I don't know what has passed between you. Maybe cut him some slack and just focus on staying sober. That's the number one thing you can do for yourself and your family.

Cool link...I'm going to watch the remaining parts. :l

The meetings rarely go over an hour and are 4 minutes from my house. I am trying to make the best of it and wish I could do so without flack from the people I thought would support me. But again I did cause them grief over the years and can't expect too much either!

[fennel]

Friends and family during recovery

If I were you, I'd explain to your wife that the meetings are necessary for you to recharge your batteries. It's helpful to be with other people who are experiencing the same issues. Perhaps she can join Al-anon?

Don't know what to say about your friend. Just keep working on yourself. Hang in there. :l

[Bean]

Friends and family during recovery

Hi 4

I had the same thing happen. I turned to an old friend whose mum is an alcoholic for help the day before going to rehab (i.e I was at my utter rock bottom) and she said some hurtful things that seemed to be really sticking the boot in when I was down. I made an effort to be in touch when I came out of rehab but she never really responded and the silence between us grew. Recently she emailed me with a sort of apology - it seems that my experience triggered some really deep rooted stuff in her around her mum's alcoholism. I don't have any control over her reaction to what is happening in my world and vice versa. I am just focused on healing myself and moving forward.

When we do such a huge thing as quit AL, it shakes everything up, including all our relationships. Sometimes they just change and sometimes they change for the worst. Rest assured that your 'friend' is the one with the issues. Don't take sh*t off people just because you used to be addicted to something that made you behave badly. You are working on it NOW and that's all any of us can do.

As for your wife, maybe she feels insecure about you becoming better friends with people at meetings than with her. We ladies usually complain about this stuff when we are feeling a bit neglected. Do something nice for her to let her know you still cherish and love her. Doesn't have to be anything big - just something thoughtful.

Keep going. Just being AF is awesome in itself and you are doing the best you can.
Bean x

[nancy]

Friends and family during recovery

fair weather friend

You don't really say enough about what happened with your friend to shed light about what might be going on. It is possible that this is a fair weather friend. There are a lot of people you can't talk about troublesome issues with. Did you talk about other troublesome personal non-drinking issues with this friend before? I think there are a lot of things in life we need to deal with on our own unfortunately, or else you know those few people you can talk with in-depth. You have to be sensitive that other people have problems too and may not come running to you or dwell or talk about them. I think you should consider getting a psychotherapist.

As for the AA issue, I am surprised about your wife, why isn't she happy that you are working on this? I have no doubt that the folks in monthly abstinence can help you with this and you should pose this question in that section for best results.

Good luck.