What do you do about friends who drink?

[golfdiva]

Okay. I'm going to try stopping my wine yet one more time. Almost embarassed to post as I've done this already 4 or 5 times. I actually do quite well until there is a social occasion (frequent with us) and then I have a glass of wine. We have wonderful, wonderful friends, but all of them have a cocktail or sometimes two each time we go to dinner or have friends over. None of them seems to abuse alcohol at all. The last time I managed not to drink when out for dinner, but then when I have friends over here fo dinner, I feel I need to stock up for them and I end up drinking the leftovers even if I have none during the dinner.

I've been reading a bit on here of people who take antabuse and I'm wondering if that might be the answer for me. Does one need a prescription for it? We are leaving for Napa Valley next week to stay with friends for a week. These friends are wine connoiseurs and begin serving each afternoon around 4. I'm thinking if I can get my hands on something quickly that will make the taste of wine abhorent or make me sick, it might be the answer. When I stop drinking, I really have no physical withdrawal symptoms, so I guess I have more of a psychological addiction, if there is such a thing.

If anybody can tell me what they think about antabuse for my circumstances and/or what they do on all the many social occasions, it would be most appreciated.

Today is Day 1 (again).

[sunshine_gg]

What do you do about friends who drink?

Hey Diva!

Antabuse can be a really useful tool BUTTTTTT (!) you have to be 100% committed to NOT DRINK! Drinking while taking AB can have SERIOUS consequences... as serious as death. I have taken Antabuse for about a month or so (just to get my head out of my a$$ and in the right place) and I keep it with me and will take it if I feel wobbly.

I've ordered mine online and without a prescription. Good luck.. let us know what you decide and how it's working for you!

[KateH1]

What do you do about friends who drink?

Hi Diva,
In my case, I had to completely remove myself from ALL situations that included alcohol for a while. This included turning down many, many lovely invitations for wine tastings and parties. My priority was to stop drinking.....Period! Yes, I did loose some "friends" along the way, but now, into my fifth year of sobriety, I go where I want to and with whom I choose! Best of all, I like myself and I have gained back the respect and trust of my family and my true friends.

I truly believe that we have to be Honest with ourselves, we have to face our limitations. Sunny is right, antabuse is a serious decision. Antabuse will not take away urges and cravings. Antabuse will just make you severely ill if you have ANY Alcohol.

Best Wishes!

[YouKayBee]

What do you do about friends who drink?

Ignore them, tolerate them if you feel safe doing so otherwise avoid. Remember it's not abnormal not to want to drink, in fact it's quite normal!

[Supercrew]

What do you do about friends who drink?

I think it would be harder to explain to your hosts that you really want to drink, "but I happened to take some antabuse on the way over", so none for me, thanks.

Sorry for being a little funny, but since I have quit I don't have trouble saying "no thanks" anymore. Maybe it's because I have a wife who has always been a non drinker, and I don't see not drinking as abnormal, it was just abnormal for me.

From your post you seem to be the type of person who creates excuses to drink, ie, buying extra wine for your guests, naming the region your going to as "Napa Valley" as opposed to Central Ca. I'm sure there alot of people who live there and don't drink wine...just saying. If you are worried about what others thought about you not drinking, maybe it would be better to worry about what they think when you do drink, if you have a problem.

I don't drink anymore for any reason or excuse because drinking brings me pain, I know it sounds too simple, but I made it too hard for over 20 years. I finally learned life is better sober.

[golfdiva]

What do you do about friends who drink?

Thank you for your responses. It isn't that I think my friends would care at all if I don't drink, they wouldn't. I don't think they would really even notice if I don't order a drink. It's that I don't think I'm strong enough to pass it up if I were in that situation. That's why I thought maybe the antabuse might work for me -- I would know that I would get sick if I drank and that would be just the motivation I might need to not drink. And yes, perhaps I do create situations that enable me to drink. At any rate, we are going to CA for a long planned visit on Tuesday and probably this isn't the best time to try to quit. I will try not to drink for these next few days preceding that visit anyway and do my best while I'm there to abstain. I can't explain why I feel quite strong now and want to quit when it's right before we leave for a situation in which I'm afraid I am going to have trouble.
I will research more about the antabuse but it seems to me that knowing I'll get sick if I drink would be a powerful reason not to.
So good to hear from you. It must feel really good to know you're alcohol free. I want to join your ranks but I know I have to be really committed.

[Supercrew]

What do you do about friends who drink?

Diva, I apologize if I came across as "holier than thou", I do feel your pain of being in a spot where one part of me doesn't want to drink but the other part is not ready to make that final decision into the unknown. I was there for many years. Everytime I wanted to stop drinking a voice in my head would say, "well you know our spring trip is next week and you really have to drink then", or Xmas or summer, or St. Patricks day or football season, or .......... You get the point, we procrastinate and put things off to try to make it easier and then we just continue repeating the process.

If antabuse sounds like a good idea, go for it. But for me, I had to finally make the decision to quit and stand by it no matter what, otherwise I would have been looking for ways to beat the antabuse or whatever other aide I could find, because if I needed a crutch it still meant that somewhere deep down I still wanted to drink, and as long as I still wanted to drink I would find a way to accomplish the mission. I wasn't sane when it came to getting my drink if I felt like drinking.

[RingingCedars]

What do you do about friends who drink?

golfdiva;1296357 wrote: It isn't that I think my friends would care at all if I don't drink, they wouldn't. Good friends to keep.

golfdiva;1296357 wrote: It's that I don't think I'm strong enough to pass it up if I were in that situation. That's why I thought maybe the antabuse might work for me -- I would know that I would get sick if I drank and that would be just the motivation I might need to not drink.

Only you can truly make you strong in this battle--without you--what's the point? Having said that, AB IS a good motivator for many.
golfdiva;1296357 wrote: And yes, perhaps I do create situations that enable me to drink. .

You're not alone there. I've looked at it like a process and have come miles from where I was 2 years ago. xo Happy Trails on your Holidays!

[nancy]

What do you do about friends who drink?

any other options?

It sounds to me like naltrexone one hour before drinking (Sinclair method) might be a more sensible option than antibuse.

[golfdiva]

What do you do about friends who drink?

Thanks, so much. I do appreciate your comments. It is wonderful to be able to unload here and have supportive, knowledgeable input. I will look into the naltrexone today. I did fine last night without drinking. It is such a mental thing as well as physical for me. I am reiterating the benefits I feel already == more energy this morning, I remember what I read last night, I feel happier and sort of proud of myself!! I know, I know, it has just been one day! Am going to work out now.

[Nelz]

What do you do about friends who drink?

Ill make this as simple as I can....I tend to be a bit long winded...LOL

If I tell my friends that I have made a choice to better my life, and that of others, and they have some sort of problem with that, or will be less than supportive. Well then, I need me a new set of friends.

Good luck, be who you are, and who cares what others think, eh?

[madmans]

What do you do about friends who drink?

Hi Golfdiva if you can't get out of going on your trip you are just going to have to bite the bullet and be determined not to drink, you will not get AF by just wishing or hoping that you will not drink, you will have to put in the hard work at the start and keep it going until it is the norm.

Around every corner there can be "reasons" to drink IF you want.
It's up to you if you want it to be that way, right now you dont think that you can go and stay sober so it sounds like you have gave up and will decide to try after the trip but now is the time to stop , now is the time to start to live your life to the full and not in a haze of drinking and hangovers.

I wish i had stopped drinking 10 years ago when i first tried to stop but i only wished and never really tried dont make the same mistake as me.

[golfdiva]

What do you do about friends who drink?

Thanks Nelz and Madman. I know it isn't my friends with the problem, it is me. THey would never have a problem with me not drinking but it is me who can't seem to pass it up if others are drinking. I know it is me with the problem.
It is way too late to get out of this trip. Madman, I know you are right that it sounds as if I've given up. I really haven't but how do you get strong enough so that you KNOW you're not going to be tempted? I guess I'm afraid. I'm also afraid that if I do drink on the trip, it will take a long while before I feel the resolve to stop again, based on past experience, so it is something I keep trying to remember -- I'm just prolonging the agony. I keep thinking that if I do make it through the trip, I will be soooo happy, not to mention I don't think I'll have any circumstances as difficult for a long while, so I should be okay. My strategy is to just keep trying for a day at a time.
Meanwhile, today I feel just great not having drank last night. And I KNOW I won't tonight. However, I'm sitting here eating an entire bag of pecan halves, something I never do!

[sweetie78]

What do you do about friends who drink?

What if you have to cut them loose entirely?

I have a friend, a co worker, we were really close, but since we started working together he drives me fucking mad, and on top of that every time I go to his house (him and his wife have big parties) I get blackout drunk and embarras myself nd them, but they still want to see me and say I can drink responsibly with them but I cant... I need to "break up with them" without losing my job or hurting their feelings. i dont know if its appropriate to piggy back on this thread but it seemed similar...