Help staying sober

[pingu1997]

Hello. Sorry about this late post but those of you who know me in the online sense of the word know that I am a terminal insomniac with a tigger and 3 chickens....

Ok so I've done the hard bit. Or so I thought. A good bit of af time under my belt. Been here, done that, got the tattoo and happy danced away...

Now what??? I can't get the idea of trying to control drinking out of my mind. I don't think it's a physical craving but more of an emotional one, if that makes sense

I know all the reasons in the world are saying don't be such an idiot. But the last month has been a real struggle and I watch those around me drink and I am jealous and can't accept a long term af life. I miss the ability to have a drink to wind down. I feel tense and wound up. I can't sleep. I'm grumpy and miserable. I got through the first year by hard work, determination and lots of purple shiny treats

I'm really stuck now. Can anyone who has been there pls offe any words of support. Either on here or on a pm.....

Read to explode soon.....

[K9Lover]

Help staying sober

Hi Pingu,

I know how hard the inner battle is...I had it for a long time. It's hard not to "romanticize" alcohol. My vision of drinking is never what my reality of drinking is. I imagine relaxing with a drink or two in front of the fireplace, feeling calm and peaceful. My reality is becoming a mean bitch, driving drunk, ending up in jail, sending texts/emails I regret, blacking out, and losing all control. Do anything you can to distract yourself and get through the cravings. I'm sure this isn't much help, but I just wanted you to know I understand what you're going through.
Sending you strength.
K9

[DriftyAlison0]

Help staying sober

Don't let your AL mind fool you into thinking that you can control your drinking when you know that you can't. I never felt bad because of others drinking and I couldn't. I just remind myself that they will be paying for it in the morning while I won't be.

[Supercrew]

Help staying sober

What are purple shiny treats?

You are still obsessed with alcohol, plain and simple. Have you done anything else to improve your life over the last year aside from quitting drinking?

If all you do is relax and wind down with a couple of drinks why did you give up drinking? It doesn't sound like drinking has caused any problems in your life.

Now I could never just sit down and relax with a couple of drinks, because my body craved more until my wallet was empty or the alcohol ran out...which ever came first, then I would do the same thing again the next day. If it was just the drinking, it wouldn't have been that big of a problem, but it affected my relationships with my family and friends and I drove drunk daily, and I embarassed myself and let alot of people down who I loved. I quit drinking because drinking brought me alot of pain.

But it sounds like a way you reward yourself and it makes your life better, so why did you ever give it up? I wasted 27 years of my life being a slave to that damn bottle, and it wrecked opportunities for me, and killed relationships, and I blew tens of thousands of dollars for booze and to fix problems like DUI's and medical bills and jail fines. So I guess you would understand why drinking isn't relaxing for me, but it sounds like alcohol never caused you any of those problems...problems that would make you sick to your stomach at the mere thought of having a drink because it tastes like crap and because you know where it will lead you. So why did you quit drinking for a year?

[mario]

Help staying sober

Pingu part of us wants to forget why we stopped drinking in the first place, why are we here ? Its so easy to forget how we all came to MWO in the first place,its so easy to get complacent and forget all the bad times.
Let?s take a moment to share an analogy. There is nothing inherently wrong with enjoying a piece of chocolate. If that enjoyment results in weight gain, diabetes or any number of other medical calamities, then chocolate is not a good idea. There?s nothing wrong with taking a drink either, only for some of us it results in two, three, four drinks and more. When we no longer control the substance, but the substance controls us, it means trouble. We are looking for the effect the substance gives us. Without it, we are left craving.

What where the good things about your drinking, what did it do for you? This is important to consider, because you need to find other ways to achieve this.
Then what where the bad things about your drinking? Really dig deep with this ? look at your relationships, your health, job, self-esteem, depression etc.
Next what are the good things you expect to happen when you stop drinking, how will your life be better? Finally what are the negative aspects of quitting? What is putting you off the idea? Again, this is important because you will have to find some way to solve these concerns.
You need to be reminding yourself about this list of your motivations every time you think about having a drink.
Pingu You are now starting to come up with your own 'permission thoughts'. you tend to find an excuse to make it OK to drink. They can come in all shapes and sizes, from the basic "just this time", to "no-one will know if I go and have one somewhere else", or "I've been under such stress lately, I deserve it", or "I can't stand this craving any more, I'll go crazy if I don't have some soon".This is normal after all alcohol was such a huge part of your life before that filling in the gap and looking at people supposedly having such a great life while drinking can get you down.You need another focus,another hobby,Going back drinking for you pingu is not a good option imo.

[one2many]

Help staying sober

mario;1298380 wrote: Pingu part of us wants to forget why we stopped drinking in the first place, why are we here ? Its so easy to forget how we all came to MWO in the first place,its so easy to get complacent and forget all the bad times.
Let?s take a moment to share an analogy. There is nothing inherently wrong with enjoying a piece of chocolate. If that enjoyment results in weight gain, diabetes or any number of other medical calamities, then chocolate is not a good idea. There?s nothing wrong with taking a drink either, only for some of us it results in two, three, four drinks and more. When we no longer control the substance, but the substance controls us, it means trouble. We are looking for the effect the substance gives us. Without it, we are left craving.

What where the good things about your drinking, what did it do for you? This is important to consider, because you need to find other ways to achieve this.
Then what where the bad things about your drinking? Really dig deep with this ? look at your relationships, your health, job, self-esteem, depression etc.
Next what are the good things you expect to happen when you stop drinking, how will your life be better? Finally what are the negative aspects of quitting? What is putting you off the idea? Again, this is important because you will have to find some way to solve these concerns.
You need to be reminding yourself about this list of your motivations every time you think about having a drink.
Pingu You are now starting to come up with your own 'permission thoughts'. you tend to find an excuse to make it OK to drink. They can come in all shapes and sizes, from the basic "just this time", to "no-one will know if I go and have one somewhere else", or "I've been under such stress lately, I deserve it", or "I can't stand this craving any more, I'll go crazy if I don't have some soon".This is normal after all alcohol was such a huge part of your life before that filling in the gap and looking at people supposedly having such a great life while drinking can get you down.You need another focus,
another hobby,Going back drinking for you pingu is not a good option imo.

Amen.

Moderation does NOT work, never will, it's a myth, a lie and a delusion. Normal drinkers can moderate, problem drinkers....cannot. End of.

[Dave_]

Help staying sober

Al is a great slave, but a horrible, spiteful master.

[byebyebridgetjones]

Help staying sober

one2many;1298391 wrote: Amen.

Moderation does NOT work, never will, it's a myth, a lie and a delusion. Normal drinkers can moderate, problem drinkers....cannot. End of.

Amen!

This just caught my eye, so mind if I flap my jaw for a bit?

Do you think you might just be ready for the next leg of the journey? Medium and long term plans? This is the part that comes after the purple shiney things........which no girl should ever be without IMO.

Like studying a bit more, develop career/career change, study something for pleasure and to develop yourself, join a community group or start a mission around something that you feel passionate about, change your look, go out and meet new friends/start new interests, save to travel, start a long term fitness programme, downsize and simplify your lifestyle....fill the blanks....I haven't got anywhere near your AF time (not continuously anyway), but I have noticed that my success varies directly with how well I fill out a new life for myself, full of stuff and people that make me feel good.

Just an idea.
Bridge

[one2many]

Help staying sober

byebyebridgetjones;1298405 wrote: Amen!

This just caught my eye, so mind if I flap my jaw for a bit?

Do you think you might just be ready for the next leg of the journey? Medium and long term plans? This is the part that comes after the purple shiney things........which no girl should ever be without IMO.

Like studying a bit more, develop career/career change, study something for pleasure and to develop yourself, join a community group or start a mission around something that you feel passionate about, change your look, go out and meet new friends/start new interests, save to travel, start a long term fitness programme, downsize and simplify your lifestyle....fill the blanks....I haven't got anywhere near your AF time (not continuously anyway), but I have noticed that my success varies directly with how well I fill out a new life for myself, full of stuff and people that make me feel good.

Just an idea.
Bridge

I could NOT agree more.......this was key to my success.

[limers]

Help staying sober

I dont have a year af or anything like it Pingu but ive been reading your posts for a while now,before you hit your year and after and it seems to me that hitting that first year was the prize for you, you had your eye on that ball and by God you kicked it and now what follows is an anti climax. I think you need to plan something HUGE for your 2 year mark,like a months trip for you and the kids summer 2013 to australia or the states,something huge that been another year af has helped you provide.
Whatever you do,please dont drink, cos no mattter how low you feel now will be nothing to how low you will feel if you cave. x

(and what are purple shiny things??)

[limers]

Help staying sober

or Mardi Gras in New Orleans...............tell you what,I will save my money for the next year and come with you!!Now theres an offer you cant refuse!!lol!

[Unwasted]

Help staying sober

Pingu, there are many books about how to live sober - one of which I'm reading now. You're at a juncture that is normal and requires some work. It's doable. There is nothing worth going back to a poison that gave you a high that you're romanticizing. Alcohol is progressive and your body has changed and can't process it like you did when you were a kid.....it happens. We have to be realistic about it having morphed and the fact that our bodies change over time........

I don't know you but I really hope for your sake that you don't do this to yourself. Alcohol makes nothing better and the short term buzz you get if you give into drinking will not be worth the long-term agony you're setting yourself up for. By the time we get to MWO we can't moderate. We would have to go back years, maybe decades to change things.

Life wasn't meant to be lived by ingesting something that alters us - just my opinion. But to get to the supremely good stuff we have to come to grips with reality. The alternative is tormenting. And, I firmly believe in "euphoric recall" and the fact that we are not remembering correctly the "wonderful" part of alcohol. We are deceiving ourselves when we think that way.

Also, I would add two things: One is that many of the people we see drinking will go on to have or problem, or could have one at that moment. For the ones that don't - I just look at them and think: well, they're just going to be tired after drinking. I always drank to get drunk; when I stopped at one or two I was just sleepy.

So, I'm pretty new at this but determined to fulfill my life in a different way......still figuring it out too but I just know that alcohol isn't the answer. From what I've read, the second year of sobriety is a big leap developmentally - in a positive way.

Wishing you the best. :lilheart:

xx,
UN

[Nelz]

Help staying sober

WOW Pingy!


I thought you were over the hump. I dont think any of us will ever not have those cravings to drink again....I hope that you can come to some sort of terms with yourself....you have done so well to make it a year.


Wishing you continued success and peace of mind.......Wish I had something purple to give ya....my bike is, but I cant let that go sorry............LOL

[patrice]

Help staying sober

What great, thoughtful and human posts...

The idea's contained in Bridget's post are just superb and even more fantastic is that many/most/some? are attainable to whatever degree you want them to be...I think that the concept of ' filling your life out in a different way' is an essential tool and makes a lot of sense to me.

Thanks all for sharing how staying sober is working in different ways to you all...

Sheesh!! One thing is glaringly similar in all of these posts.... EVERYONE feels better for not drinking.


Take care and hope to hear more

Patrice

[mario]

Help staying sober

There are four stages of recovery here is the fourth.

The fourth stage is reaching advanced recovery in which you have achieved long-lasting abstinence and have made a commitment to continue to lead a lifelong sober lifestyle. Advanced recovery, sometimes called stable recovery, usually begins after five years of sustained abstinence.
Hopefully you have not only learned to maintain abstinence, you have also learned to make more healthy and productive choices in all areas of your life. Advanced recovery is living that healthy lifestyle for the rest of your life.
As you have learned during your journey , recovery is much more than merely remaining abstinence. Of course, maintaining abstinence is a necessary part of recovery and the core of your recovery program. But if you do not make healthy choices in all areas of your life, you will find it difficult to lead a satisfying, fulfilling life.
One group of recovery experts published a definition of recovery as "a voluntarily maintained lifestyle characterized by sobriety, personal health, and citizenship." Personal health involves not only to physical and mental health, but also social health -- participation in family and social roles. Citizenship refers to "giving back" to the community and society.
Even if you have been clean and sober continually for more than five years, you are still one slip away from a relapse. In spite of your success, you can continue your participation in your mutual support groups.
After five years of sobriety you are much less likely to have a relapse and you may not have to spend as much conscious effort to maintain your sober lifestyle, but your continued recovery can be a lifelong process.

Pingu You can read more here, posted it a while back

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f4...ery-44358.html