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Why can't I let go of the idea of Moderation

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    #1

    Why can't I let go of the idea of Moderation

    I wonder what it is in us that makes us think we can moderate.

    If you look at the boards so many of us try it.
    I did,
    I had been AF for a solid month plus and had been very careful for the 2 months prior to that and I thought I had it.
    We (husband 2 kids and I) went on holiday and I still had it,
    moderating like a normal person one or 2 glasses with dinner, all good.
    Then we got home and I just kinda forgot that I had this problem.
    Thought I could just have a glass in the evening, of course I can't and somewhere along the way I was as bad as and worse than ever.

    Reminds me of when my son was about 18 months old he always had a tummy ache, I took him to the doctor, we talked about his diet, lots of healthy food including cheese and yoghurt lots of the things that kids need to grow.
    The doctor just gave me a flat stare and said "this kid is Lactose Intolerant"
    How the hell did I miss that, he had been a Soy kid since being weaned and could even throw up breast milk but I just kinda forgot that he had this problem.

    Even now,
    I'm just starting again, today is day 3 and I'm already thinking ahead to when I can be at a point where I can moderate.
    Why can't I just accept that this is it..
    My damn head still thinks that it is my body and I'm in control.

    Happy to be back
    Tags: None
    #2
    Why can't I let go of the idea of Moderation

    It's not possible

    Ahhh Jacq-we all know what you mean. It is a fallacy, a wish never to be-to be able to have a drink and walk away. Maybe for a while, maybe a week, a month or even longer.
    But the alcohol will regain control eventually. The chicken-so to speak-will come home to roost.

    It's hard to face and accept I know. Drinking seemed like fun....until it wasn't anymore.
    In my case I believe it is a day to day struggle, because the first slip is right down that
    dreadfully slippery slope...right down to waking up and realizing "oh SHIT" -what did I do? What did I say? Who is this man in my bed? Where is my car? How did my ankle get broken? AND on and on and on and on.............
    It just cannot be an option UNLESS you wholeheartedly accept and resign yourself to the horrible consequences. If you willingly acknowledge the choice-the choice of the drink AND the choice of the shit that comes with it-then go ahead. But if there's a shred of self-awareness we cannot in good conscience make that choice. It's just too awful.

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      #3
      Why can't I let go of the idea of Moderation

      The old alcohol amnesia eh?
      And I'm not talking about black outs whilst drinking....
      Jacks if I could sticky tape all of my AF time together I'd have years....but I haven't , I've got two months.....because I'm an alcohol smart arse. I always think I know best and I've got a handle on it this time....bla bla bla.....for the love of.....

      Anyway a couple of months ago I ran into Elizabeth Kubla Ross' model for the five stages of dying/greiving amongst some old study notes......

      denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.....

      ....and I thought 'bugger me Bridget, that's it.....that's what you've been doing'.....

      Diabetics don't want to be diabetics. But they are.
      Epileptics don't want to have seizures. But if they don't take their meds they will.
      We don't want to be alkies. But that's our cryptonite.

      I just think the sooner we get to 'Acceptance', the better.
      then the rest of your life can start


      Keep plugging on girl.
      If your 8 year old self met you, would they be proud?
      Rejoined life 20/5/19

      Comment

        #4
        Why can't I let go of the idea of Moderation

        Very nice Brigette. I like that!
        Day 1 again 11/5/19
        Goal 1: 7 days :heartbeat:
        Goal 2: 14 days :happy2:
        Goal 3: 21 days :happy2:
        11/27/19: messed up but back on track
        12/14/19: bad doozy but back on track

        One day at a time.

        Comment

          #5
          Why can't I let go of the idea of Moderation

          Hi Jacqrabbit, a guy I know was sober for twelve years, then after that tried to moderate and within weeks he was back to his old alcoholic ways.

          I myself battle with modding, its a tough one
          I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.
          Audrey Hepburn

          Comment

            #6
            Why can't I let go of the idea of Moderation

            Because it is a nice thought.........having a drink when you want to, without going overboard. having the odd one, socialising with people and partaking in a few glasses....

            Being a normal drinker.....

            But the thing is, we are NOT normal drinkers, you CANNOT learn to be a normal drinker, we are problen drinkers and that is just the way we are.


            Moderation is not an option for ........alcoholics/problemdrinkers/bingers/pissheads/tipplers/wino's......whatever you want to call yourself...

            I agree totally with what bridge says, when you accept this fact it gets MUCH easier, stop the constant chatter in your head, maybe, what if, can I should I, will I?

            The answer should always be NO!

            MODERATION DOES NOT WORK!
            "It's not your job to like me, it's mine!"

            AF 10th May 2010
            NF 12th May 2010

            Comment

              #7
              Why can't I let go of the idea of Moderation

              Moderation is a word we have come up with to allow us to keep drinking more than we should, to not feel guilty about all the poison we pour down our necks.
              we can not control our drinking by setting out how much and when we can drink , sooner or later we will fail, go on a rip and be back to square one again.

              The very fact that we try to come up with reasons why we can and should drink sets of the warning lights "normal or so called normal" people don't bargain with themselves as when they can drink.

              I tried for years trying to control it , what a waste of my time, if someone was to keep us alkies locked up and drip feed us alcohol to keep us in "control" there would be wars to stop it but yet we have all tried to do it with out success

              I know there are some people here trying to modd and for a long time i would have loved to stand up and shout "wake up that is not living" for years i never thought i could be free from the constant craving and planing life around drinking, well now i know that cycle can be broken and life continue as normal only better.

              Knowledge on the effects of alcohol on the body and the mind played a large part in my recovery and helped plant deep in my mind that alcohol is just a poison , a poison we never need to drink .
              AF 5/jan/2011

              Comment

                #8
                Why can't I let go of the idea of Moderation

                Its just your AL brain trying to keep its hold on you. Just keep telling it NO. You can do it!
                I quit drinking on March 8, 2020. Taking it One Day At A Time and no more taking my quit for granted.

                Also doing it for me. I got to stay sober for me.

                Just consecrate on today and do what you can to remain sober for today and worry about staying sober tomorrow, tomorrow.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Why can't I let go of the idea of Moderation

                  To mod or not to mod...

                  Great question! and the reason why, after 4 years I am still not in control of my drinking- why I started back at day one after 6 months AF, period of 'moderation', then a week or so AF on and off during the last 3 years, and finally back again at what I now realise has to be my last 'day 1'. It's taken me another 4 years full of wasted time, regrets, hangovers, dashed hopes, pieces of life missing, upset children, for me to finally accept that moderation is not a possibility for me either.

                  And yes, I also feel a relief - the voice inside my head is much quieter and so far I have been able to 'just say no' because I have removed the room for possibility. I so so so hope that this time my logical reasoning will overcome the pull to drink. Day 6 and counting, but I am looking forward this time to being one of the ones looking back 4 years from now still sober and living life to the full, not being an apathetic (and pathetic) observer.

                  I had my last first AF day 6 days ago, and I will try everything to make it last this time.

                  Thanks everyone for your posts - they are really persuasive and great reminders!:thanks:
                  :rays: Arial

                  Last first day - 15th April 2012
                  Goals:
                  Days 1-7 DONE
                  Days 8-14 DONE
                  Days 15-21 DONE
                  30 days DONE
                  60 days
                  100 days

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Why can't I let go of the idea of Moderation

                    I tried it, the moderation , I always said just one bottle or this much, then it turned out me drinking it all, and then buying more and more and more the next days.
                    Good luck to everyone who is trying AF
                    Day 7 for me and still feel terrible about my past and anxity is at an all time high, I know just a drink would take this all away.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Why can't I let go of the idea of Moderation

                      Part of the insanity of alcoholism is thinking that the next time, we can control our alcohol intake. If it was truly in our power to control our drinking, we would not be alcoholics in the first place, we would not have suffered and continue to suffer horrible consequences from drinking alcohol. But, for us, the fact is, that we only have control over not taking the first drink. After the first drink, all bets are off and the madness begins. This fact will be the case the rest of our lives.

                      The good news is that living alcohol free is a wonderful way of life!! But, like all changes, contentment takes time and effort!
                      A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes~Cinderella

                      AF 12/6/2007

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